The Ministry of Silly Talks

Scottish taxpayers are being taken on a hell of a ride, by Stuart Campbell

(Thanks to Stuart Campbell for permission to repost this one.)

We were sent something disturbing recently. It’s from a training course civil servants are being sent on by the Scottish Government.

As you can see, one of the sites that staff are directed to is something called The Trans Language Primer. We thought you should see some of its content.

(This is Jonah, btw. He/xim/thxy/q*e?m works for you.)

Boris Gay @ladymede

Jonah Coman @MxComan wearing his beautiful handmade Christ-habit showing the links between dermis and textile in panel #425 on Queer Textures of the Past #imc2019 @IMC_Leeds

Now on with the show.

Brace yourselves, gang, there’s a-gonna be some triggerin’. Let’s open with a doozy.

Remember: your taxes are paying for this.

Apparently “Gender Critical” is now a “complicated, problematic or inaccurate” term.

You know how you thought men and women had unique biological attributes that made them different from each other? The Scottish Government wants its staff to know that this is an “outdated understanding of sex”.

“True Trans” is an offensive term (hence the quotemarks), but oddly calling people you don’t like “Truscum” is fine. We hope you’re taking notes, there’ll be a test later.

As far as we can tell, pretty much everyone is gay by this definition.

Scottish Government policy, readers. You remember it from the SNP manifesto, right?

Saying someone is on fire is bigoted now. You have to say “flame-gifted”.

This is the entire W section. There is no entry for “woman”.

There’s one for “trans woman”, of course, but it defines it in terms of a woman, which isn’t defined, so there’s no way of knowing what they actually mean by it.

“This term is intentionally hard to define.”

We’ve read this one through quite a few times now, folks, and to be absolutely honest with you we’ve got nothing.

We think this means “normal”.

Wait, “HIS partner”? This sounds like some pretty enbyphobic misgendering to us.

OMG WTF LOL.

Coming to a roadsign near you soon. (If you know anywhere offering classes in Queer Sign Language, please let us know. We will seriously pay you to go on one.)

Congratulations if you’re still with us at this point.

Gordon Ramsay: relatively masculine.

This is how fundamentalist Christians talk about evolution. (GL: It reads like a Jack Chick tract).

Check your blanket privilege, readers. And throw out all your jeans unless you have explicit permission from Bavarian Jewish Americans to wear them. (GL: Feel free to colonise and appropriate women’s spaces/identity, of course).

You know, like how “bicycle” means “vehicle with any number of wheels over 1”.

Translation: “A man who thinks he’s a woman but who everyone knows is a man.”

Since you’re probably developing the oppressed form of neurodivergence known as “loony fatigue” at this point, we’ll wrap it up. In order to avoid mandatory removal to a Scottish Government re-education facility in the near future we urge you to study the Trans Language Primer for yourself and pick out a few of your own favourites, but we’ll take just one more.

So, to recap: the Scottish Government is using your money to indoctrinate anyone who works for it into the belief that biological sex – the thing which is responsible for every single human on Earth being alive – is a falsehood created by the medical establishment to oppressively reinforce white supremacy and unfairly exclude men from women’s sports.