I've just broken my Twitter moratorium to reply to LP. Absolutely outrageous. I've subscribed to the New Statesman for years, and I've got pretty wide parameters on what constitutes free speech and fair comment, but this really pushed me to intervene.
Isn’t it remarkable how people like Laurie Penny place themselves on some moral high ground. Didn’t she recently accuse the women at Wi Spa of lying, in favour of supporting a sex offender?
Hmm, I believe so. Not forgetting her genius take about how girls should know better than to rudely notice when there are exposed adult dicks in their changing rooms
She also said that the 9 year old girl should "look away" to avoid seeing and ogling the trans identifying and lying male who was exposing himself. Because to look, even when one can't avoid seeing it, is the more heinous crime than a Man actively seeking a place where women and young girls are vulnerable, solely to expose himself to them and using absurd and discriminatory and therefore perverts charters, to protect him.
Stand your ground Graham. EVERY SINGLE PERSON I have spoken to about this transgender bollocks agrees with the GC stance. Every single one, and I've spoken to a lot of people about it over the past year or so. You have given me the strength to do this as I would normally not engage in anything controversial for fear of saying the wrong thing.
Make them all accountable. Stand your ground. Everybody is behind you. You are amazing x
Yeh this is so true. People start off "I agree with trans rights" and then when you explain what is actually happening and these nut jobs are trying to change laws they always side with us. 100%.
Don't think she's got it in her to apologise meaningfully Graham, she's too invested in maintaining her TRA credentials. She's also getting supportive twitter responses from the usual fuckwit suspects, so that will be feeding her to face this out, though it looks like a front to me, she's nervous. Her derogatory comments about you are being called out very effectively- she's getting ratio'd up the wazoo by allies coming to your defence.
A couple of months ago, Penny came *very* close to admitting to Helen that she didn't really believe the gender nonsense but was too frightened to admit it. Frightened, that is, of the violence that gender identity extremists would do to her career not (presumably) to her person.
Rather than do the decent thing and work up some courage for her convictions or walk away from the debate altogether (too late to do that without consequences, it would be seen as punishable apostasy by GIEs) she chose to double down. We know why: she likes popularity and is willing to sell anyone else's career and the safety of women and children to get it.
This sort of attack is inevitable, now. She has no arguments because there are none. People like Helen have been running rings around her on Twitter, outclassing her in logic, knowledge, understanding and compassion. To keep the likes flooding in and the wolf (and the mob) from the door, this is what she thinks she needs to do.
If she'd removed the original tweet with a proper apology, then I might have had a little sympathy.
Of course, that was before I saw her substack.
The only difference between Penny and dozens of other liars with a platform out there is that we have excellent reason to believe that Penny is lying rather than deluded, as her tweets to Helen show.
I'm sorry this is happening to you, Graham. Know that you have a lot of support, that Penny's motives and lack of ability have been laid bare and that attacks like this are the result of flailing desperation, not any kind of coup de grâce.
This is why I do not like "mental ill health" to be used as any excuse for the people who follow, and actively aid and abet this ideology. Penny is lying - for personal gain. Its one thing for a woman to protect her identity, keep herself as safe as possible for genuine safety. I am not using my real name as I have to consider other family members as well as myself. I do what I can to speak out even if its "hidden" in the background.
Penny has made an *active choice* to keep lying and to encourage others to lie and then allow the consequences of those actions to persuade those who are not yet at the mental maturity to realise the absurdity of this ideology. She is culpable in this as are any of the toxic males pretending to be female. She is as culpable as any of the medical profession who actively follow this ideology and encourage with false promises that a person can "change sex". She is as culpable as any politician who is allowing and encouraging this ideology.
It is not "mental ill health". Its a conscious choice to deny the science and to the lie when providing the opposite idea.
I posted our conversation about living with an abusive AGP under her latest. It felt a bit "look at me look at me!" but people really do need to consider women suffering at the hands of the men she panders to so feck it. she's a disgrace.
It isn't "look at me". Its pointing out the reality of the absurdity, the insanity and the downright pervert's charter that is Gender ideology. Those following that ideology constantly scream that their "truth" should be heard.
People such as yourself, need to be heard above the narcissists. Their behaviour causes so much harm.
You are very brave putting your truth and the reality of this out there. Bless you.
These TRA's are no different from Scientologists in the tactics they use to ruin people's livelihoods. I hope Graham fighting back with legal action will make people like Laurie Penny and Wendy Lyon et al think twice about defaming him.
I did a deep dive into Grace Lavery last night (not a sentence I thought I’d ever say), and boy oh boy (pun intended), “she” has got to be one of the most misogynistic trans women yet…it’s such a joke Lavery is teaching at Berkeley. I feel so sorry for his poor students, there to get a top-of-the-line education, and they end up with this smug, narcissistic schmuck.
I feel quite sorry for Daniel/Mallory. It seems like an abusive relationship to me, to be honest. Joe/Grace completely took over her life and subsumed her. He reeled her in as Joe- this was only a few years ago- then transitioned, and she followed suit shortly thereafter (they quite literally said this was to avoid being boring straights, although they phrased it in far more twee verbiage). This is quite typical of a narc preying on a vulnerable victim, usually a person with low self-esteem.
I have to say that my own brush with a narcissist is what has made me more aware of the current of narcissism that runs through so many prominent AGPs and TRAs. I don’t mean a narcissist like the buzz word it’s become popular for people to use, I mean a self-obsessed liar with a fake persona who uses and manipulates others, and gets criminally (often sexually abusively) nasty when crossed, or just for fun and to satisfy the ego…I unfortunately went down the rabbit hole, and found some Tweets and messages from Lavery (the two of them are totally open about their sex lives online, so it’s no secret) which indicate that he’s essentially roped Daniel into a dom (though he no doubt would say domme)/sub relationship in which he pimps her out for shits and giggles…he has several posts about how he set out to “Yoko” her (meaning isolate her and destroy her previous career as Mallory, which he makes clear in the posts), as well as posts about their sadomasochistic activities, and letting his friends “take a ride.”
I know she’s on board with all this as part of her fun kinky lifestyle, but it’s also desperately sad. Her own vapidness, or perhaps loss of her sense of self, is clear in her dissolving relationship with her best friend and benefactor, Nicole; she forgets she has a newborn baby (who forgets that about a best friend who has been in frequent communication, not to mention bankrolling you, for years?) She jokes about knowing nothing of her bff’s life, especially since taking up with Grace.
Meanwhile, Grace proudly proclaims it was his idea to cut off Daniel’s whole family for essentially no reason, except that maybe they had a few questions about why their formerly soft butch lesbian (of which they were accepting) daughter with no known dysphoria suddenly after meeting this charismatic individual who transitioned himself a year after their whirlwind romance decided she was trans, got a double mastectomy and began taking testosterone…having some worries about their young daughter marrying an older man thrice divorced is understandable. Telling her to cut them out of her life is clear abuser behavior, isolating her from her loved ones and moving her across country, where they couldn’t see her.
The whole thing just gives me the willies. Lavery’s photos are unbearably precious and simpering, just the height of narcissistic preening, and Daniel looks sad and desperate for cool points, attention or love, like a sad, down on her luck, eager to please little puppy. I know that sounds mean, but that’s how I see it when I see photos of the two them, on their own or together (on their own especially; she appears happier when they’re together, he appears as snide and smirking as ever, as if she should worship the ground the the walks on). My guess is he was jealous of her minor celebrity in the feminist and writing world before, but he pretended to be an admirer, in order to reel her in and crush her. Now she’s just another prop, a plaything, to him.
She also Tweeted adoringly about how he was “drifting” during sex (on their wedding night!) because he couldn’t stop thinking about “trans misogyny.”
I appreciate you looking at it and describing it here but (and sorry if this sounds dumb…) I hope you can let some light and reassuring content into your head today, to sort of offset all that mental work. The rabbit hole can be a properly disturbing place to spend time.
They're consenting adults. If they would just keep it within the confines of their four private walls we'd be blissfully ignorant of them. But it seems they can't stifle the impulse to rub it in our faces. So apparently there's no intrinsic happiness in this chosen form of cohabitation. The only reward they get from it is our outraged reactions.
I do not believe that anyone who "consents" to being in some "sub" relationship is genuinely "consenting".
If one is being blackmailed emotionally - "consent" can be "given" but its under duress due to possible consequences that person cannot bear to tolerate. That is why this kind of relationship is NOT consenting.
How many times has Mallory said no to anything. If she has and its been ignored, or she has been persuaded to retract - that is not consent.
I’m also not joking about the grooming. There have been recent studies which showed that domestic abusers (who are almost always invariably also sexual abusers) groom their victims the same way pedophiles do. The only difference is that they prefer adults to children. They tend to pick the most vulnerable adults, so they’ll go for someone mentally ill, or with low self-esteem, or a history of sexual abuse. This is another reason why heterosexual male abusers love being activists, often especially in women’s causes (unfortunately I know personally at least three men like this- who are rapists involved in anti-rape causes; and of course, we all know the many public examples, from Hugo Schwyzer to Charles Clymer). It’s a nice way to kill two birds with one stone: make yourself look like a good guy, while trawling for vulnerable victims.
The narcissist I met quite clearly fetishized the freeze response of women who have experienced sexual abuse in the past (it’s extremely common in general as a response to sexual abuse, but most common in those who have experienced it before, especially if it was in childhood, or if they remain quite traumatized by it; they shut down when it happens again). It gave him a rush to feel so powerful, but also he didn’t then have to worry about someone trying to fight him off, useful as he was quite a coward. So he began looking for more victims who would freeze, and also blame themselves or fail to understand that what was happening to them was sexual abuse, because they’d so normalized it in their heads from prior experiences.
Similarly, abused, mentally ill women or just women with low self-esteem are far easier to totally dominate, coercing them into all kinds of sexual activity and even into upending their entire lives and personalities. The coercion and pressure while manipulating the mind of the victim to think she’s chosen it and is enjoying it- enjoying serving the narcissist- is a huge part of the thrill for them.
There was an infamous “Ask a rapist” thread on Reddit. Although all the posts were disturbing, one of the ones which disturbed me the most was by a man who claimed not to be a rapist (a dubious claim, in my opinion), but who stated he only dated rape victims, and would find them (there are all kinds of ways to specifically target and meet rape victims- attending meetings, pretending to be concerned, etc.), and ask them out and date them, because he found them to be more sexually pliable than any other women he’d ever been with (ie, they had no boundaries or had trouble enforcing boundaries), and he loved making them do whatever he wanted, sexually. That post grossed me out so much I almost had to throw up. Here was this guy congratulating himself for not being a rapist while stating he only dated rape victims because he could make them do whatever he wanted sexually.
So again- I hope Mallory has not been abused before, although in this society, that’s a dim hope, as so many women are.
Regardless, it’s clear she was someone with self-esteem problems who was easy for Joe to exploit. And again- Joe has positioned himself as an expert in queer theory and feminism, so he fulfills this tired trope, of the wolf in feminist’s clothing, quite nicely.
Another interesting area of research (apart from all the fascinating research being done into male sexual narcissism, more prevalent than you’d guess) is research into the men who groom, and how they do it.
Much evidence has come to light about how they groom the families of victims they desire, and even while communities, in order to gain access to victims. It seems they’ve had an outsized role in history and politics as a result of their desire to control others and push to normalize their sexual proclivities.
All of which to say that none of us is immune. These guys are good at what they do. And this entire movement, spearheaded by rich autogynephiles trying to bring some politics of respectability to their sexual desire to subsume the female sex, is a great example of how such cunning and charismatic characters can groom huge numbers of well-meaning people.
Graham is not wrong to use the word “grooming” to mean “indoctrination for sexual purposes,” even if the purpose is part of a larger cause, rather than immediate sexual gratification, or the grooming of an individual for abuse (whether mental or physical) or for sexual use. The sexual motives of all this need to come to light, since essentially it’s a male sexual rights movement masquerading as a civil rights movement for a vulnerable, oppressed minority group.
I wish more of the research now being conducted into this type of social grooming were more well-known, but to be honest I’m surprised anyone’s allowed to do such research at all, considering the reach of pedophiles and other abusers around the world (sexually abusive men also tend to be otherwise abusive and ruthless in their lives, and often rise to positions of power), and just how much they have invested in keeping a lid on their secrets.
Narcissists are dangerous people. They pick (and yes, groom) vulnerable adult victims. Male narcissists are especially fond of sexual abuse. They’re manipulative, dishonest, and they love slowly tormenting and torturing the narcissistic supply (read: other people) in their lives by breaking them down and making them serve.
Abusers who abuse adults groom them exactly the same way pedophiles groom children; and both are good at grooming whole communities (which yes, also explains why Lavery has so easily snowed everyone at Berkeley).
Their relationship gives me major abuse vibes, everything about it, from the way he targeted and seduced her (love bombing) to the way he transitioned and got her to transition, too, to the way he isolated her from her family and friends (convincing her to cut them off), to the way he got her into sadomasochism and polyamory. He writes about the process of breaking her down as if it’s a fun kink to share with his followers.
And yes, they put all of this online for everyone to see.
“No kink shaming” and the priest caste of trans are absolutely great for sheltering abusers, so they can hide this way in plain sight.
The whole concept of dom/sub is appalling. Its a charter for abuse wrapped up in a cloak of "do not judge". In any sexual relationship, the idea of one side being dominant and dictatorial to the other side, is not to mutual benefit. Its one sided.
That added to porn, added to any kind of "kink" as being "ok" (no they are not), added to the idea of "tolerance" and we get this ridiculous ideology taking hold.
All combined, its an Abuser's Charter. And its now being played in the public square with the politicians of all kinds allowing it.
She’s just attacked Helen from behind a block. She accused her of not respecting her “boundaries” but refers to anyone who objects to the removal of single sex spaces as bigots and transphobes. You could not make this shit up.
She also called you a "transphobic hatemonger" in her first substack article (which was, unsurprisingly, a waffling, poorly-written and logically offensive call for you to be banned).
Hi there, I work in TV myself, including on programmes that deal with this issue so the last thing I want is a public profile, but do make my opinions known on a more personal level… Having recently had a baby I’m terrified of what this sloblock might do to her, so finally putting in my two penneth here! Literally! You are a hero Graham. Baby’s aren’t cheap, but I’ll gladly throw a few Bob at this fight!!!
You have nothing to say sorry for, she does. So, let me try to understand this, LP set up a Substack with a focus on you, and the purpose of smearing you, where she continues to call you hateful things in her introductory post to it. That seems an odd thing to do and to think she'd be allowed to get away with it. It's a deliberate and targeted action by her. She is using more than one platform, so it's a campaign almost. This is strange. She is not free to attack you, or call for others to remove your platform and I wonder why she is deluded in thinking she is.
Keep your head up Graham, please don't let her or others grind you down.
I agree with the need to pushback at, and publicise, this sort of behaviour and am happy to contribute to a fighting fund if you need it. Thank you, Graham, for standing up not only for women, but for everyone who values honesty and sanity. The trans ideology zealots demonstrate the traits of varying degrees of mental illness - delusions, paranoia, narcissism, aggression and the willingness to exploit and manipulate others to suit their own distorted view - and while that merits compassion it also requires clear, firm, boundary-setting for everyone's sake.
Mental illness is no different to a physical illness. Therefore, allowing these kinds of "trans" people the courtesy of "mental illness" takes away their responsibility. They have made an active choice to spread these lies. They **all** know that these are lies.
Therefore they also know how to stop. They have CHOSEN to lie. That is not a mental illness. Its calculating and pre-meditated behaviour. They know precisely what they are doing. Its is criminal behaviour.
I've just broken my Twitter moratorium to reply to LP. Absolutely outrageous. I've subscribed to the New Statesman for years, and I've got pretty wide parameters on what constitutes free speech and fair comment, but this really pushed me to intervene.
So, y'know, gimme a few ❤️s yeah...?
God, going back on Twitter after a time out deserves a beer. 🍻
The beer (wine actually) may have been a motivating factor there 🍷
❤️❤️❤️
Yep!
Isn’t it remarkable how people like Laurie Penny place themselves on some moral high ground. Didn’t she recently accuse the women at Wi Spa of lying, in favour of supporting a sex offender?
Hmm, I believe so. Not forgetting her genius take about how girls should know better than to rudely notice when there are exposed adult dicks in their changing rooms
Again, her Stack is a lot of words for "I got called out for telling a little girl it's rude of her to stare at her flasher's cock."
She also said that the 9 year old girl should "look away" to avoid seeing and ogling the trans identifying and lying male who was exposing himself. Because to look, even when one can't avoid seeing it, is the more heinous crime than a Man actively seeking a place where women and young girls are vulnerable, solely to expose himself to them and using absurd and discriminatory and therefore perverts charters, to protect him.
Stand your ground Graham. EVERY SINGLE PERSON I have spoken to about this transgender bollocks agrees with the GC stance. Every single one, and I've spoken to a lot of people about it over the past year or so. You have given me the strength to do this as I would normally not engage in anything controversial for fear of saying the wrong thing.
Make them all accountable. Stand your ground. Everybody is behind you. You are amazing x
Yeh this is so true. People start off "I agree with trans rights" and then when you explain what is actually happening and these nut jobs are trying to change laws they always side with us. 100%.
Don't think she's got it in her to apologise meaningfully Graham, she's too invested in maintaining her TRA credentials. She's also getting supportive twitter responses from the usual fuckwit suspects, so that will be feeding her to face this out, though it looks like a front to me, she's nervous. Her derogatory comments about you are being called out very effectively- she's getting ratio'd up the wazoo by allies coming to your defence.
It has to be legal. C'mon Graham. Or they'll all think it's open season on you, and us.
A couple of months ago, Penny came *very* close to admitting to Helen that she didn't really believe the gender nonsense but was too frightened to admit it. Frightened, that is, of the violence that gender identity extremists would do to her career not (presumably) to her person.
Rather than do the decent thing and work up some courage for her convictions or walk away from the debate altogether (too late to do that without consequences, it would be seen as punishable apostasy by GIEs) she chose to double down. We know why: she likes popularity and is willing to sell anyone else's career and the safety of women and children to get it.
This sort of attack is inevitable, now. She has no arguments because there are none. People like Helen have been running rings around her on Twitter, outclassing her in logic, knowledge, understanding and compassion. To keep the likes flooding in and the wolf (and the mob) from the door, this is what she thinks she needs to do.
If she'd removed the original tweet with a proper apology, then I might have had a little sympathy.
Of course, that was before I saw her substack.
The only difference between Penny and dozens of other liars with a platform out there is that we have excellent reason to believe that Penny is lying rather than deluded, as her tweets to Helen show.
I'm sorry this is happening to you, Graham. Know that you have a lot of support, that Penny's motives and lack of ability have been laid bare and that attacks like this are the result of flailing desperation, not any kind of coup de grâce.
This is why I do not like "mental ill health" to be used as any excuse for the people who follow, and actively aid and abet this ideology. Penny is lying - for personal gain. Its one thing for a woman to protect her identity, keep herself as safe as possible for genuine safety. I am not using my real name as I have to consider other family members as well as myself. I do what I can to speak out even if its "hidden" in the background.
Penny has made an *active choice* to keep lying and to encourage others to lie and then allow the consequences of those actions to persuade those who are not yet at the mental maturity to realise the absurdity of this ideology. She is culpable in this as are any of the toxic males pretending to be female. She is as culpable as any of the medical profession who actively follow this ideology and encourage with false promises that a person can "change sex". She is as culpable as any politician who is allowing and encouraging this ideology.
It is not "mental ill health". Its a conscious choice to deny the science and to the lie when providing the opposite idea.
And don't forget the new book...
I posted our conversation about living with an abusive AGP under her latest. It felt a bit "look at me look at me!" but people really do need to consider women suffering at the hands of the men she panders to so feck it. she's a disgrace.
It isn't "look at me". Its pointing out the reality of the absurdity, the insanity and the downright pervert's charter that is Gender ideology. Those following that ideology constantly scream that their "truth" should be heard.
People such as yourself, need to be heard above the narcissists. Their behaviour causes so much harm.
You are very brave putting your truth and the reality of this out there. Bless you.
These TRA's are no different from Scientologists in the tactics they use to ruin people's livelihoods. I hope Graham fighting back with legal action will make people like Laurie Penny and Wendy Lyon et al think twice about defaming him.
I did a deep dive into Grace Lavery last night (not a sentence I thought I’d ever say), and boy oh boy (pun intended), “she” has got to be one of the most misogynistic trans women yet…it’s such a joke Lavery is teaching at Berkeley. I feel so sorry for his poor students, there to get a top-of-the-line education, and they end up with this smug, narcissistic schmuck.
I feel quite sorry for Daniel/Mallory. It seems like an abusive relationship to me, to be honest. Joe/Grace completely took over her life and subsumed her. He reeled her in as Joe- this was only a few years ago- then transitioned, and she followed suit shortly thereafter (they quite literally said this was to avoid being boring straights, although they phrased it in far more twee verbiage). This is quite typical of a narc preying on a vulnerable victim, usually a person with low self-esteem.
I have to say that my own brush with a narcissist is what has made me more aware of the current of narcissism that runs through so many prominent AGPs and TRAs. I don’t mean a narcissist like the buzz word it’s become popular for people to use, I mean a self-obsessed liar with a fake persona who uses and manipulates others, and gets criminally (often sexually abusively) nasty when crossed, or just for fun and to satisfy the ego…I unfortunately went down the rabbit hole, and found some Tweets and messages from Lavery (the two of them are totally open about their sex lives online, so it’s no secret) which indicate that he’s essentially roped Daniel into a dom (though he no doubt would say domme)/sub relationship in which he pimps her out for shits and giggles…he has several posts about how he set out to “Yoko” her (meaning isolate her and destroy her previous career as Mallory, which he makes clear in the posts), as well as posts about their sadomasochistic activities, and letting his friends “take a ride.”
I know she’s on board with all this as part of her fun kinky lifestyle, but it’s also desperately sad. Her own vapidness, or perhaps loss of her sense of self, is clear in her dissolving relationship with her best friend and benefactor, Nicole; she forgets she has a newborn baby (who forgets that about a best friend who has been in frequent communication, not to mention bankrolling you, for years?) She jokes about knowing nothing of her bff’s life, especially since taking up with Grace.
Meanwhile, Grace proudly proclaims it was his idea to cut off Daniel’s whole family for essentially no reason, except that maybe they had a few questions about why their formerly soft butch lesbian (of which they were accepting) daughter with no known dysphoria suddenly after meeting this charismatic individual who transitioned himself a year after their whirlwind romance decided she was trans, got a double mastectomy and began taking testosterone…having some worries about their young daughter marrying an older man thrice divorced is understandable. Telling her to cut them out of her life is clear abuser behavior, isolating her from her loved ones and moving her across country, where they couldn’t see her.
The whole thing just gives me the willies. Lavery’s photos are unbearably precious and simpering, just the height of narcissistic preening, and Daniel looks sad and desperate for cool points, attention or love, like a sad, down on her luck, eager to please little puppy. I know that sounds mean, but that’s how I see it when I see photos of the two them, on their own or together (on their own especially; she appears happier when they’re together, he appears as snide and smirking as ever, as if she should worship the ground the the walks on). My guess is he was jealous of her minor celebrity in the feminist and writing world before, but he pretended to be an admirer, in order to reel her in and crush her. Now she’s just another prop, a plaything, to him.
She also Tweeted adoringly about how he was “drifting” during sex (on their wedding night!) because he couldn’t stop thinking about “trans misogyny.”
You just could not make this stuff up.
Oh, and he’s a shit scholar, to boot.
Judith Butler has tenure at Berkeley - seems like a cess pit of narcs
That’s grim, and tragic.
I appreciate you looking at it and describing it here but (and sorry if this sounds dumb…) I hope you can let some light and reassuring content into your head today, to sort of offset all that mental work. The rabbit hole can be a properly disturbing place to spend time.
They're consenting adults. If they would just keep it within the confines of their four private walls we'd be blissfully ignorant of them. But it seems they can't stifle the impulse to rub it in our faces. So apparently there's no intrinsic happiness in this chosen form of cohabitation. The only reward they get from it is our outraged reactions.
I do not believe that anyone who "consents" to being in some "sub" relationship is genuinely "consenting".
If one is being blackmailed emotionally - "consent" can be "given" but its under duress due to possible consequences that person cannot bear to tolerate. That is why this kind of relationship is NOT consenting.
How many times has Mallory said no to anything. If she has and its been ignored, or she has been persuaded to retract - that is not consent.
Its an abusive charter.
That’s my point vis a vis consent, too.
I’m also not joking about the grooming. There have been recent studies which showed that domestic abusers (who are almost always invariably also sexual abusers) groom their victims the same way pedophiles do. The only difference is that they prefer adults to children. They tend to pick the most vulnerable adults, so they’ll go for someone mentally ill, or with low self-esteem, or a history of sexual abuse. This is another reason why heterosexual male abusers love being activists, often especially in women’s causes (unfortunately I know personally at least three men like this- who are rapists involved in anti-rape causes; and of course, we all know the many public examples, from Hugo Schwyzer to Charles Clymer). It’s a nice way to kill two birds with one stone: make yourself look like a good guy, while trawling for vulnerable victims.
The narcissist I met quite clearly fetishized the freeze response of women who have experienced sexual abuse in the past (it’s extremely common in general as a response to sexual abuse, but most common in those who have experienced it before, especially if it was in childhood, or if they remain quite traumatized by it; they shut down when it happens again). It gave him a rush to feel so powerful, but also he didn’t then have to worry about someone trying to fight him off, useful as he was quite a coward. So he began looking for more victims who would freeze, and also blame themselves or fail to understand that what was happening to them was sexual abuse, because they’d so normalized it in their heads from prior experiences.
Similarly, abused, mentally ill women or just women with low self-esteem are far easier to totally dominate, coercing them into all kinds of sexual activity and even into upending their entire lives and personalities. The coercion and pressure while manipulating the mind of the victim to think she’s chosen it and is enjoying it- enjoying serving the narcissist- is a huge part of the thrill for them.
There was an infamous “Ask a rapist” thread on Reddit. Although all the posts were disturbing, one of the ones which disturbed me the most was by a man who claimed not to be a rapist (a dubious claim, in my opinion), but who stated he only dated rape victims, and would find them (there are all kinds of ways to specifically target and meet rape victims- attending meetings, pretending to be concerned, etc.), and ask them out and date them, because he found them to be more sexually pliable than any other women he’d ever been with (ie, they had no boundaries or had trouble enforcing boundaries), and he loved making them do whatever he wanted, sexually. That post grossed me out so much I almost had to throw up. Here was this guy congratulating himself for not being a rapist while stating he only dated rape victims because he could make them do whatever he wanted sexually.
So again- I hope Mallory has not been abused before, although in this society, that’s a dim hope, as so many women are.
Regardless, it’s clear she was someone with self-esteem problems who was easy for Joe to exploit. And again- Joe has positioned himself as an expert in queer theory and feminism, so he fulfills this tired trope, of the wolf in feminist’s clothing, quite nicely.
Another interesting area of research (apart from all the fascinating research being done into male sexual narcissism, more prevalent than you’d guess) is research into the men who groom, and how they do it.
Much evidence has come to light about how they groom the families of victims they desire, and even while communities, in order to gain access to victims. It seems they’ve had an outsized role in history and politics as a result of their desire to control others and push to normalize their sexual proclivities.
All of which to say that none of us is immune. These guys are good at what they do. And this entire movement, spearheaded by rich autogynephiles trying to bring some politics of respectability to their sexual desire to subsume the female sex, is a great example of how such cunning and charismatic characters can groom huge numbers of well-meaning people.
Graham is not wrong to use the word “grooming” to mean “indoctrination for sexual purposes,” even if the purpose is part of a larger cause, rather than immediate sexual gratification, or the grooming of an individual for abuse (whether mental or physical) or for sexual use. The sexual motives of all this need to come to light, since essentially it’s a male sexual rights movement masquerading as a civil rights movement for a vulnerable, oppressed minority group.
I wish more of the research now being conducted into this type of social grooming were more well-known, but to be honest I’m surprised anyone’s allowed to do such research at all, considering the reach of pedophiles and other abusers around the world (sexually abusive men also tend to be otherwise abusive and ruthless in their lives, and often rise to positions of power), and just how much they have invested in keeping a lid on their secrets.
I’m not so sure, though- that’s my point.
Narcissists are dangerous people. They pick (and yes, groom) vulnerable adult victims. Male narcissists are especially fond of sexual abuse. They’re manipulative, dishonest, and they love slowly tormenting and torturing the narcissistic supply (read: other people) in their lives by breaking them down and making them serve.
Abusers who abuse adults groom them exactly the same way pedophiles groom children; and both are good at grooming whole communities (which yes, also explains why Lavery has so easily snowed everyone at Berkeley).
Their relationship gives me major abuse vibes, everything about it, from the way he targeted and seduced her (love bombing) to the way he transitioned and got her to transition, too, to the way he isolated her from her family and friends (convincing her to cut them off), to the way he got her into sadomasochism and polyamory. He writes about the process of breaking her down as if it’s a fun kink to share with his followers.
And yes, they put all of this online for everyone to see.
“No kink shaming” and the priest caste of trans are absolutely great for sheltering abusers, so they can hide this way in plain sight.
Indeed, you could not make it up. Finding out what those people get up to really brings out the daily mail reader in us. It's just so weird to me.
The whole concept of dom/sub is appalling. Its a charter for abuse wrapped up in a cloak of "do not judge". In any sexual relationship, the idea of one side being dominant and dictatorial to the other side, is not to mutual benefit. Its one sided.
That added to porn, added to any kind of "kink" as being "ok" (no they are not), added to the idea of "tolerance" and we get this ridiculous ideology taking hold.
All combined, its an Abuser's Charter. And its now being played in the public square with the politicians of all kinds allowing it.
She’s just attacked Helen from behind a block. She accused her of not respecting her “boundaries” but refers to anyone who objects to the removal of single sex spaces as bigots and transphobes. You could not make this shit up.
Happy to contribute to a Crowdfund if you need it!
She also called you a "transphobic hatemonger" in her first substack article (which was, unsurprisingly, a waffling, poorly-written and logically offensive call for you to be banned).
It was a childish apology. She is sacred of losing face...but is going to get burnt if she doesn't act like an adult.
Hi there, I work in TV myself, including on programmes that deal with this issue so the last thing I want is a public profile, but do make my opinions known on a more personal level… Having recently had a baby I’m terrified of what this sloblock might do to her, so finally putting in my two penneth here! Literally! You are a hero Graham. Baby’s aren’t cheap, but I’ll gladly throw a few Bob at this fight!!!
Turns out The Glinner Update has many, many readers :-)
Indeed. There are a LOT of people paying a lot of attention to every single word Graham is saying. Interesting :)
Graham is winning and these people are getting desperate.
You have nothing to say sorry for, she does. So, let me try to understand this, LP set up a Substack with a focus on you, and the purpose of smearing you, where she continues to call you hateful things in her introductory post to it. That seems an odd thing to do and to think she'd be allowed to get away with it. It's a deliberate and targeted action by her. She is using more than one platform, so it's a campaign almost. This is strange. She is not free to attack you, or call for others to remove your platform and I wonder why she is deluded in thinking she is.
Keep your head up Graham, please don't let her or others grind you down.
I agree with the need to pushback at, and publicise, this sort of behaviour and am happy to contribute to a fighting fund if you need it. Thank you, Graham, for standing up not only for women, but for everyone who values honesty and sanity. The trans ideology zealots demonstrate the traits of varying degrees of mental illness - delusions, paranoia, narcissism, aggression and the willingness to exploit and manipulate others to suit their own distorted view - and while that merits compassion it also requires clear, firm, boundary-setting for everyone's sake.
Mental illness is no different to a physical illness. Therefore, allowing these kinds of "trans" people the courtesy of "mental illness" takes away their responsibility. They have made an active choice to spread these lies. They **all** know that these are lies.
Therefore they also know how to stop. They have CHOSEN to lie. That is not a mental illness. Its calculating and pre-meditated behaviour. They know precisely what they are doing. Its is criminal behaviour.