Why one victim of rape will not be using the Rosey Project

Why has Mridul Wadhwa not been fired?

I received a letter a few days ago from a subscriber and she was kind enough to allow me to reproduce it, along with subsequent communications. How many more women there are like her, unable to use these centres, is of course, impossible to know.

For full context, please see our previous reports on Wadha, listed below.

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I've been meaning to send you this for a while.

I am not sure if you remember but I told you before why the Mridul Wadhwa scandal affected me so much.

At the start of May I contacted my old university after reading that students often did not report sexual assault to their university.  Well, in 2007, I did report being raped to the uni, as I didn't have a GP at the time. I saw a male doctor, which I didn't question. To me, he was just a medical professional. But he blamed me for having gotten drunk, he didn't advise me to go to the police or give me any information about rape crisis. 

My life spiralled out of control and I dropped out of uni and wasted the years that followed, never making any plans. I couldn't see a future, I didn't want one either.

I knew then I didn't want kids, I couldn't bring anyone into a world that seemed so awful (though now, thankfully, I have my beautiful daughter).

So I made a General Data Protection Regulation request to the uni.  I wanted to see what he had written, but I knew realistically too much time had passed.

On the 10th of May, the man who raped me went missing. I found out on the 14th when Google suggested it as a news story.

I had the worst panic attack of my life, had I not had them previously I would have thought I was having a heart attack. As I read the story I realised I had been on his street the day he went missing. I obsessively thought he had seen me, that somehow it was my fault he was missing. I reread the messages he had sent over the years, to which I never replied but kept as evidence, thinking one day I might give them to the police. 

I thought he somehow knew I had made the GDPR request (I never mentioned his name, we never had our day in court), or maybe he had read the poem I posted on Mumsnet. I know it's crazy but I wasn't thinking straight. 

I read online that he had reinvented himself and wondered if he had changed and my hatred for him was somehow unjustified. 

When his body was found, I was still blaming myself. A few days later my friend, who now lives abroad, contacted me, she said the day he went missing he had been arrested for stalking two women and those who still knew him said he was a sexual predator till the end.

The Herald and the Scotsman printed stories about how great he was, it made me feel sick. I guess (hope) they weren't told about his arrest. I wanted to contact them but I was very depressed. 

I wanted to contact the police, to tell his victims it's not their fault, that I hoped they wouldn’t blame themselves as I did. But I live in Scotland. I don't trust the police.

I was signed off work, I had a full breakdown and was referred to the critical mental health team, where I got support from an incredible woman. I am very thankful I received such great care and had more sessions than they usually offer. 

I thought about taking anti-depressants again, but I told myself I was having a normal reaction to trauma and I'm glad I didn't go down that path.

I received my GDPR  information at the start of June. The student health service was run by local GP's so they did not have the records but that was OK.

The woman I spoke to was amazing, so empathic and genuine, she said they now take sexual assault seriously, and have support in place. 

The University offered an apology and said I could return if I wanted, something I never expected and although it is unlikely that I will return, the gesture was overwhelming.

They also offered specific rape counselling, through the service they use for students. 

I was relieved that it seemed independent, as rape crisis stance on Wadhwa has been horrendous and I knew I couldn't contact them.

On the day I was due to have my first session,  I went on to their website, it turns out it is an initiative of Rape Crisis, called The Rosey Project, which led me to their twitter where I saw they publicly endorsed Wadha in Dec 20.

I felt physically sick, and I knew I had to cancel. 

I told them why, as it was just after the guilty feminist podcast, and both rape crisis and Edinburgh Rape Crisis  were doubling down in their support for him. 

Below is a transcript of our conversation. 

Rosey Project: Hiya, thanks for getting in touch. We definitely are trans inclusive as a service and that is really important to us. This message was directly in support of trans inclusion in the support we offer as a centre. Would it help at all to chat about your concerns about accessing our service specifically? I am happy to chat if it would be helpful? I'm sorry you don't feel comfortable accessing support from us, let me know if I can do anything to help reassure you. We care, support and believe all survivors but ultimately want people to feel safe in our space. Just let me know if a chat would help.

Me: It's not about being trans inclusive, it is specifically about Wahda, the comments made on the guilty feminist podcast, the statements made by both Edinburgh Rape Crisis and rape crisis supporting wadha calling victims bigots. That this person is on other shows admitting they knew the job was single sex but they did not disclose their status. Have you heard the comments yourself? It is a trust issue for me fundamentally. I dont even know if you are female I've been following this on mumsnet and now For Women Scotland an organisation set up to defend single sex spaces,  as there is an exemption in the Equality Act, even with a grc, which I believe Wadha does not have. I've seen online this organisation described as a hate group. It is not hateful to want single sex, it is the law and it makes me wary to trust you.

Me: Have you heard Wadhwa's views on women who were raped, thinks women orgasm? I would not be able to keep my job if I said the things they have said about victims When I reported being raped to the male uni Dr, I did not question his sex, he was just a health professional to me. But he said it was my fault for drinking and wearing a skirt. I did not receive advice to contact rape crisis, or the police. I did not tell anyone until a year later a friend confronted me, said everyone knew and now it had happened to someone else. I felt so guilty. He was ostracised from the social groups I knew, but he went back to uni and rebounded himself by the looks of it.  For the record I had been drinking, I had traumatic family news that week, I passed out and I am told I was moved to his flatmates bed, who then wanted to go to sleep, so they moved me to the rapist’s bed. I woke up hallucinating. I thought he was someone else, but when I asked what he was doing he switched to the real rapist. I did not have a choice, I do not remember what happened before or after that 

None of that ever came back. I blamed myself for knowing him, I blamed my friends for leaving me in that state, when we lived 1 Street away.  I hated him. I was depressed and suicidal and I accepted the Dr's words and blamed myself.

Recently I made a gdpr request to the uni, I wanted to know what the dr had written, see his words for myself, though I knew realistically too much time had passed. I wanted to know that this wouldn't happen to a woman today

I read that most sexual assaults are not reported but I did report mine.

I made no plans for the future, I never wanted kids.

I do have a daughter now

When I found out I was having a girl, my first thought was oh no, she could be raped

How disturbing is that

After making the gdpr request my rapist went missing

I found out through a suggested news story on my phone

I had the worst panic attack of my life,  had I not had them previously I would have thought it was a heart attack

I read the story, turns out I was on his street the day he went missing, though had I known he lived there I would never have gone near.

I thought he had seen me and my daughter

I remembered my vivid pregnancy dreams where he would appear and haunt me.

I reread the messages he sent which I never replied to but kept as evidence

I thought it was my fault, the news was reporting him as such a great guy

But I knew he was a rapist, I know he raped other women but I briefly reframed him as a victim

I struggled on at work, knowing I could not afford to take Time off work, it’s expensive being mentally ill.

But then  I had a full breakdown and was signed off

I received incredible care from a woman at _____ mental health care

When his body was found I was contacted by a friend who is still in contact with people we knew back then.

She said he had been arrested for stalking 2 women that day

She described him as  sexual predator till the end who got away with years of abusing women

I felt guilty

I wanted to contact the police

To give them the messages and to tell the victims they see not to blame, I wondered if they were blaming themselves as I had been

But I couldn't

Scotland is not a safe place for women, perhaps the police might call me a bigot for wanting to see a same sex officer, it wasn't worth it and I was very depressed at the time.

I finished my therapy with ____,  I'm back at work, I don't think of it as much but I accept its something I'll never be cured of.

I received a reply to my gdpr request, there was an outside gp providing providing service back then

They don't have his records

That's ok

They said they could offer me a place if I wanted to return but that was never my intention, I couldn't afford to attend anyway but the gesture is nice.

I accepted their apology and I believe it is sincere

They referred me to you. 

They said they believe and support victims now, I am relieved to hear that

And so I hope you will understand why I don't trust a service that does not put victims first. That can't offer same sex, I've been let down by male Dr's and services before

Don't even get me started about the peadophile who was in a ptsd support group in 2012 following a domestically violent relationship

I am wary to trust and that's my right

And so I think that concludes everything I need to say

Thank you and good luck with your service.

Rosey Project: Everything you've been through sounds so difficult and I'm so sorry you've been through those experiences. We are here to support survivors and try to create a safe space for people to access support. If you ever want to reach out again please know we are here.

Me: Thank you. I won't though, not while rape crisis continues to publicly condone Wadha’s actions and opinions on rape victims.

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The Wadha Scandal.

A Fox In The Hen House

His support of ‘Jessica’ Yaniv.

The man-made crisis at Edinburgh Rape Crisis

Mridul Wadhwa, SACRO and the £1.4 million contract