"Where are the gay men?"

James Roberts hazards an answer.

It’s a cry often heard from feminists and women’s rights campaigners in the “gender identity wars”. Where are all the gay men? Why aren’t they doing anything, or speaking up against the nonsense and damage caused by this dangerous ideology?

However, it’s a difficult and perilous territory to step into as a gay man. Many women in this fight hold gay men responsible for the situation with the “LGBTQ+ mafia”, and many others just don’t trust any men at all (albeit often understandably). This is a women’s fight, so why are gay men piping up at all? Sometimes, we can’t do right for doing wrong. The cry of “gay men, you should do something”, is often followed by “no, not like that”.

Of course, some men do seem to charge in and either deliberately, or even inadvertently, try to take over or take up all the space, and there a few who do just want to be the ‘white knight’. But, more often than not, gay men are out here, rejecting gender identity ideology, genuinely wanting to contribute to the fight and not always knowing how. The assumption from some women is that gay men should just automatically be fighting for women’s rights. So why is this assumption a hiding to nowhere, and why aren’t there more gay men speaking up about what is going on?

This hasn’t been a gay man’s fight; it’s a women’s fight. Primarily because the ideology impacts women far more, and more directly, especially lesbians. While a lot of gay men will have many, or even mostly, female friends, the unfortunate reality is that many other gay men can go most of their lives without having to interact with, or even consider, women. Straight men (apart from incels) have to at least find a way to talk to women if they want any chance of a relationship. But gay men without female friends can almost tune women out, because the only woman most of them have to deal with is their own mother.

Is this just misogyny? No. Well, not directly. There’s no doubt misogyny exists among some gay men, and it’s hard to say whether the lack of interaction with women increases inadvertent misogyny, or underlying misogyny perpetuates a lack of interaction with women for those gay men. Whichever it is, the difficult position we’re left in is not just that many gay men are not listening to women, they simply don’t hear women. So, the impacts of gender identity ideology on women are not the thing that is going to reach gay men. We need gay men who are hearing women to reach the gay men who are not, and with issues that gay men can more easily/directly relate to.

My suspicion, based on a lot of anecdotal evidence and relaying of conversations others have had with their gay friends, is that the majority of gay men know full well what a woman is. They know full well that nobody changes sex, that nobody is born in the wrong body, that men don’t belong in women’s sports, and that lesbians don’t have a penis. But they either go along with the LGBTQ+ orthodoxy, or they say nothing.  Why? I think the gay men saying nothing fall into three groups: the Activists, the Oblivious, and the Afraid.

The Activists

These are often of a younger generation but, at any age, the activist type wants a fight. They want a fight because they’ve never had to fight. They’ve grown up in a world where being gay really wasn’t a big deal, and a lot of legislative progress has already been made. Or they’ve made the fight their whole personality (or brand) and so they need something to fight for. They may or may not realise the agenda behind the forced teaming of gender identity with sexual orientation, but now they see the TQ+ as being part of the team, and it gives them something to fight for. This group is the hardest to reach but is also the minority (albeit a noisy one).

The Oblivious

These are the gay men who probably aren’t involved in any “LGBTQ+” charities, sports clubs, societies or even bars. They are largely what would once have been referred to as “non scene”. Or if they do interact with any of the “LGBTQ+” sector it’s not very deeply and they probably find the activist types a bit loud/annoying, so tune them out. This group could be described as a “pre-peaking” version of the Afraid group below. They know full well the reality of biological sex, they just don’t realise how much of a debate is going on about how much society accepts or rejects that reality. This is largely because the implications don’t affect them (or haven’t yet), and they may not interact with or consider women in their day to day lives to hear how the implications do affect women.

The Afraid

These are the gay men who have seen what’s happening, who have heard women, who have seen themselves in the gender nonconforming little boys being herded towards the gender clinic, and who reject the ideology of gender identity. The problem this group has is that they likely think they are alone, or at least that they are a minority. Their circle of gay friends might all be going along with the nonsense, and they don’t want to risk being ostracised. They can’t speak up at work for fear of how this might impact their livelihood. Their only social connection to other gay men is through an organisation/charity/club that is captured by the ideology, and they don’t want to be thrown out.

What the Oblivious group hasn’t seen coming is not only the loss of the gay scene but the diminishment of other places that used to be for gay men that are also now lost to the rainbow-mafia ideology. These are places that welcome females larping (Live Action Role-Playing) as gay men. For example, I’ve heard from several gay men with HIV living in London that there are no support groups left in the city that are specifically just for gay men. They are now all “LGBTQ+”. How far does this extend into support groups for other health issues for men, where men only want to open up with other men about a very personal issue? Or for the gay male sports teams, local societies, and interest groups? The loss of such spaces is likely one of the tangible impacts that has peaked many of the gay men in the Afraid group, and also the Vocal group; those of us who know what’s going on and are saying something.

So, how do we reach and engage these three silent groups? And what do we do to support the fourth group?

On a late Friday in January, 40 gay men who reject gender identity ideology got together in central London for the launch event of HumanGayMale. It was a space for gay men to meet socially and to talk freely and openly over a drink or two in a nice bar in the city. For many, this was a rare to unique experience to just be around other gay men and to share views on how gender identity ideology has impacted them and the damage it is doing to gay men (and to gender nonconforming children, to lesbians and women generally, and to the important institutions in society), what we might be able to do about it, as well as all kinds of other topics.

The launch was the first of a monthly social event taking place in London, but there is already a date set to launch in Edinburgh on May 11th, with other UK cities lined up to do the same and members joining from all over the world. New York and San Francisco will be the first two US cities to host a HumanGayMale event this summer. This year will also see the start of new research into how diminished the gay male community is, asking all of the groups, services, venues, charities etc that purport to be for gay men if they really are just for gay men.

Alongside the positives of supporting gay male friendship and community, HumanGayMale is somewhere those of us already saying something can get together and support each other, but also something that can provide a space to the Afraid group to tell them they are not alone or a minority view. We can also work on reaching the Oblivious group so that they can see the impacts for gay men (and for lesbians and women in general) and start speaking up too.

The Activist group is going to be more of a challenge (I’m thinking about how we could maybe create some sort of deprogramming kit). However, the Activist group is in the minority. Once the silent majority of gay men stop being silent, and stand up to the ideology, and say we’re not having this anymore and we don’t support the nonsense, then much of the false legitimacy claimed by the “LGBTQ+”mafia will crumble.

HumanGayMale is free to join, and events are free to attend. Wherever you are in the world, if you are a gay man who rejects gender identity ideology then join up to receive emails about upcoming events, how to get involved, and further resources and support for gay men. If you’re not a gay man, then please tell all the gay men you know about this.

www.HumanGayMale.com

James Roberts / @HumanGayMale

You can find more from James on Twitter/X and on YouTube, both using the handle @HumanGayMale