The dreadful lie being told to young women

This is from Reddit. A young woman crashes a party for gay men and is confused at the ensuing awkwardness.

This happened pre-covid. I was invited to a sex party (for men only) on a January weekend by a guy I know from my a queer group at my college. I was really excited to go, as he is queer and very inclusive of others and it was extremely validating to be asked to join. I asked him if the people there would also be inclusive and he told me not to worry about it (vague I know but I trusted him). However at the house the party was held it was quite a different story. 100% of the men there were cis.

Now this isn’t a problem generally but I expected it to be more of a queer get together with men of all gender expressions (like our queer group) and not just run of the mill masc4masc cis gay men. I quickly noticed that I wouldn’t fit in even though I sort of pass (FYI 2 months on T and pre top and pre bottom but I dress really masc and I have a smallish chest). The stares didn’t help me feel any more at ease. It’s like nobody wanted to interact with me even though I made a lot of effort to talk to people and approach them.

They all had this deer in the headlights type expression. They just would end up leaving the conversation abruptly or making some bullshit excuse to go hit on another guy. I ended up just clinging to my friend for most of the night. The only thing I could really do is try to ease my nerves by getting more drunk (I’m 21 relax).

The party gradually progressed into people taking more clothes off and eventually there were people full on “doing it”. My friend tried to convinced me to join in the fun after a pep talk that the people there weren’t transphobic just icy. I was feeling more confident because of the Dutch courage anyway so I ended up taking my shirt off (like he suggested) and moving into the main space where everything was happening.

I wish I didn’t listen to him. People physically recoiled from me when I walked near them and made faces at me. It was like I had a literal fucking force field around me :(. It felt like hours cruising around but it was really only about 2 minutes before I had enough. I cried in the bathroom for like half an hour before my friend found me. While I was in there a few people knocked wanting to use it and I told them to go away mid cry. On the other side of the door I heard someone even said “I think that girl is still in there”. I had never felt dysphoria like this before and I don’t think I can go on with life this way. I know I’m a man but Id never felt more invalid than that point in my life.

Here I was thinking this would be an inclusive space but it was not in the slightest. I insisted on leaving even though he tried to convince me to stay. He said that I need to keep trying and that we all get rejected sometimes. It’s like he wanted to purposefully embarrass me and set me up to fail. I left and didn’t look back and haven’t spoken to him since despite him apologising.

I feel like ending it all after that. I still haven’t dealt with it, but being stuck at home alone makes me fester in my thoughts. My worst experience to date and it really makes me lose hope in cis men if they treat people like that and it seems like I’ll never be accepted in their spaces. Should I tell the queer group how I was treated? I still don’t know how to handle this situation. I went from feeling really good about my transition to the worst ever after this and it still hasn’t gotten better over the months. I thought by posting I could get it off my chest. Sorry just venting

This is the vicious, homophobic lie being sold by Stonewall. Mermaids, and almost every progressive media outlet: that a woman on testosterone will be accepted as a gay man. I spoke to Mr.Menno, composer of the LGB Alliance sea shanty, yesterday about the absurd situation in which gay people and these terribly sad young women find themselves.