Our Jimmy Savile Certificate for Excellence in Safeguarding

*Shouts down through trapdoor to hell.*

Jimmy! Hurry up! I’m about to make the announcement!

Hello, everyone! We at the Glinner Update are proud to announce the inaugural presentation of the Jimmy Savile Certificate For Excellence In Safeguarding. This certificate honours those who have done their part in eroding the safeguarding principles that protect women and children from predatory men.

There are a number of very convincing entries so the judges really have their work cut out for them. Let’s have a look at who’s in the running!

Stonewall are the ones to beat for ‘Paedophile Ring Influencing Safeguarding in the UK’.

NSPCC with James Makings and Monroe Bergdorf, another strong showing.

Mermaids for every single thing they did to kids until Keira Bell stopped them.

Bearded Men On Twitter.

James Felton for his spirited defence of toilet masturbation man. (No not Makings, a different lad).

Doctor Pizza (who unfortunately may not be able to pick up the award in person)

Eric Joyce, who WILL be able to pick up the award in person. Somehow!

Thanks to The Artist Birdy Rose for the certificate! It’s sure to be a great talking point for one lucky organisation, celebrity, human rights organisation, or Internet troll.

For one lucky and dodgy person it’s going to be a ‘Jimmy’ Christmas!

What’s that Jimmy? Haha, don’t worry! I’m sure one day you’ll be able to thank them all in person!