JL - Thank you, this is so impressive. Great work indeed.
Perhaps other 'news outlets' such as the dreadfully one-sided and myopic Guardian should take note of the ostensible level and depth of excellent research here. You clearly put most 'journalists' at the G to shame.
What a web of corrupt cronyism we have here. The level of selfish and egotistical thinking in this, business-wise, matches perfectly Wadhwa's attitude towards the very women that he is charged with protecting and helping.
If he is brought to book for this and suffers in anyway way mentally or financially, we must remember to call on him to 'Reframe his trauma'.
I've just posted it on Mhairi Black's FB page, JL, so she can see exactly who she's supporting. Stupid woman she's become. Makes my blood boil. Hugely well done for this blog, and I agree with everyone else, superb research and attention to detail. These two men have a great deal to answer for.
Thank you so much, Ellen. I really appreciate you sharing the article. Even if Ms Black won't read it (she's too committed a collaborator, I'm afraid!) others will read it and, hopefully, have their eyes opened. It's great you posted it. Thank you!
Mridul Wadhwa also submitted written evidence to the Women and Equalities Committee asking for the occupational single sex provisions in the 2010 equality act to be removed. This would, of course, mean rape crisis centres would have to invite all men to be candidates, (not just trans women) and wouldn't be able to discriminate against them when filling posts. Unbelievably selfish.
Wadhwa also admits here that "When I started working in this sector, I was not out as a trans person." which means he was very likely deceiving female victims of rape when undertaking councelling. Shocking.
And MW can be out and in plain sight now doing whatever MW wants. Bide your time, lay the groundwork, then do what you want. And has finagled his way to such a secure position he is submitting evidence to Parliament in his position as respected expert in Women and Women and Equalities matters. He doesn't represent all Transpeople either.
Hope they didn't call him to give further evidence in person. And it's a 'personal submission' which is clever and oh so brave as he knows he couldn't write that in his professional capacity as there are rules against it. So he gets around that by wearing his other 'personal' hat, knowing full well it will imply it is the view of his organisation and the whole sector. Boundaries mean nothing to him, that is obvious and he's getting around rules. And they're letting him.
Where the hell are the grown ups? Why is it taking so long? Women's services may now lose funding if people are uncomfortable about what services are doing. I am conflicted but do not want the women of Edinburgh, and Scotland, and wider to suffer, which they clearly already are.
I am seriously sickened by it all although I have known about sacro, vahanomy, and the connections to mw. He has his fingers in many pies and is on other boards Engender is one of them. It is filthy just filthy. Thank you Graham for getting this out.
When these local councils who are using the publics money, which is of course no skin off their noses, in order to virtue signal and flag up their obeyance to the cult of men who loses? both these men have twigged that jobs and contracts in the public sector are gravy trains to bend to their will.
Total scum! The Times in the UK have written against this, so it's a small measure of comfort. I don't understand however why he wasn't sacked for lying on his application form. I'm sure there used to be something about it before you signed a form.
He shoulda been outta the door as soon as they discovered that a) he's male and b) he lied. Disgraceful that he's been working in the women's sector for so long.
GRA needs to be repealed in full, never to rise again. NO man should ever be allowed to legally declare he's now of female 'gender', nor should any woman be allowed to legally state she's male. It's all such a load of total and utter bunkum, and it's really harming and hurting women, which is exactly what was wanted from the start. Repeal it all, and every GRC too.
More excellent journalism from JL. MW is a walking swamp of corruption and he needs t be removed from any contact with vulnerable people of either sex.
"Prejudiced" would be refusing to see an Indian female counsellor. It is not prejudiced for a woman to refuse to discuss rape with an Indian male counsellor. Mridul really doesn't care about the rape victims here.
He's trying the usual tactic of saying "Trans and BAME women". Which to my mind is racist af. Women of colour ARE women. Men are not. But it's a cunning a trick.
Very much so. And a cunning silencing tactic. Like tagging the T onto the LGB... so it's easy to shut people up - no decent person wants to appear or be though racist or homophobic.
It may not be prejudiced, depending on the needs of the person needing counselling. There may be something relevant to the trauma that the counsellor being Indian makes worse.
Even in a more general counselling environment, the counsellee, by virtue of client-centred care, can refuse any counsellor for any reason without being judged. I have selected my counsellors on the basis of sex, race, or silly things like where their photograph was taken, in the past.
Yes, absolutely Jeremy. They may be of Indian heritage themselves and be ostracised or abused by their own family or community, so would prefer to see someone of a different background, or not connected to their community. Anyone who knew anything about Women's services or counselling or being vulnerable would know this. Much of the work in Women's services is multi-cultural and with women (and men) from a wide range of classes, religions or no religion, geographies, educations, ages and backgrounds for this very reason. It is your sex that is the factor that leads to the reasons you seek support from or work in this sector. Misogyny cuts across all this.
There is a real problem with squashing every conceivable issue into 'equality and diversity' as it blurs, confuses and obscures.
Yes - and we have all become so terrified of voicing opinions, and exploring these subjects or asking questions for fear of being shot down in flames. I really love to read what people write here, and I learn a lot. Twitter really did for long form writing and nuance.
To make the proper analogy, is a woman (of any race) who was raped by an Indian person prejudiced for refusing an Indian counselor? How about a woman (of any age) raped by an older man- is she prejudiced for refusing an older counselor? You could reverse it and say a man, and it would be the same.
Choosing a counselor for a rape victim needs to be as personal and free of accusations of bigotry as dating. If a person has a dating preference to date only within their own race, or only others of a specific race, while certainly especially in the latter category those who are the object of this person's attention have a right to ask the "why" of the person's dating preferences, and everyone can wonder about so-and-so who only dates other white people, or so-and-so who specifically only wants to date Asian women, etc.; yet I absolutely do not think anyone has the right to ask them to "examine their dating preferences" or call them bigots for not broadening their dating pool. That is verging into rape culture rhetoric. And that's just the racial example of the common argument that lesbians and gays need to "examine their genital preferences" and have straight sex with opposite-sex trans-identified people. It's definitely slippery slope territory, and not of the fallacious kind- we should never be policing or condemning people for their sexual preferences. We can have our judgments, we can think it shows shallowness, etc. These should remain individual and not be normalized at a societal or systemic level.
Similarly, I do not think we should *ever* say that *any* rape survivor is prejudiced in his or her choice of counselor. Male rape survivors should have the same right to choose a male examiner or male counselor or male-only survivor group as female rape survivors. As a matter of practicality, and due to the constant onslaught of male sexual terrorism of girls and women, female rape survivors of male sexual abuse and assault- who far and away constitute the largest group of rape survivors in the world- most definitely need to have access to female-only spaces should they need them for healing. It is appalling that Rape Crisis Scotland turned away a 14-year-old girl who was a victim of gang rape because she wanted a female counselor and female-only groups and care. There should be provisions for any woman who simply cannot deal with men anymore. (I am feeling more and more like this myself- I cannot deal with men anymore; to be quite honest, since what has happened to me, they scare me). I don't think I could have a male counselor these days. I absolutely should have the right, as a survivor many times over of male rape and domestic violence, to have a female counselor (which I do have) and the option of a female-only support group (which I do not; I don't think that option exists anymore in the United States, by law). Especially given that there are males who get off on women's pain and trauma (and this is a specifically male-pattern desire; you won't find many women going to men's support groups out of a sexual desire to listen to their stories), it is especially important that women have the option of all-female spaces, when it's as easy as a man saying "I'm female!" and getting access to his own private spank bank of rape victim stories (many women will be made so uncomfortable by the presence of such a male in the group that they would simply stop using services- or may not seek them out at all, as has been detailed regarding women in Scotland, who simply don't use the services out of fear of being forced to talk to and interact with males).
Trans women should have their own safe spaces, or be allowed into mixed-sex, woman-identified groups in which women have elected to be (women who are okay with the presence of female-identifying males in the group). I do think trans women should also have their own safe spaces, free of women and males who are not trans-identifying; and I think they should also have the option, if they like, or male-only (or female-only) counseling, or of joining male groups, because their outward gender expression should not be a barrier to their being in a male-only survivor group, if they want to be in it; essentially, they should have access to all group support *except* female-only support groups, in which females have said they do not want interact with any males, regardless of identity. (I think trans men should also have the option of joining all-female groups if they want- although, as always, I do think in such unusual cases as a trans woman wanting to join a male survivor group, or a trans man- who may look and sound very much like a man- wanting to join a female survivor group, the group should be allowed a say on it, as a whole; the whole-group dynamic should be respected). Trans men should also have their own support groups just for trans men (I think there are another survivors of sexual abuse in both trans women and trans men populations that this would be feasible- unfortunately), and be allowed in mixed-sex male-identifying groups, and mixed-sex groups in general, and all female groups if the women in them are informed and agree to it; but *not* into all-male groups in which male members have specifically said they want only other male members. It is OKAY to discriminate, whatever your reasons, when you are a rape survivor. If a man was raped by his female relative and wants no reminders of females around, and a trans man talking about a female upbringing or a past as a woman would be a trigger- that's a potential problem, no? Single-sex survivor groups are important, when such a personal crime as rape is so based on one's biological sex, sexuality, and can be tied to the sex of the perpetrator (there are likely more male rape victims of men who would simply be embarrassed to have females as members of their group. My guess is that trans men would not trigger this shame response, or tendency to self-censorship, for men as much as trans women would for women, simply because, even if it's unfair, trans men on the whole pass much better for men than trans women do for women; most trans women are immediately identifiable as male, which would make many female survivors instantly uncomfortable, which isn't their fault, and doesn't make them "bigots").
And of course all survivors- male, female, trans-identifying or not- should be able to choose the sex of their private, individual counselor- let alone the sex of their medical examiner!!!
And saying "I don't want a counselor" (or medical examiner) "from the ethnic background of my attacker," while it might be a more unusual request, should also not be seen as bigoted. I'm not suggesting we make support groups around race (race, in and of itself, does not play an enormous role in one's feelings about a sexual crime, including feelings about talking in front of people of the opposite sex about our experiences of rape), but I also don't think that a survivor (of any ethnic background) who chooses to reject a counselor for being of the ethnic background of her attacker, or to not attend a support group who has a person from that ethic background and finds that it triggers memories of her attacks, should be thought of or referred to as "bigoted." She may be completely fine with people of all races, but cannot control the flood of memories that come back hearing a particular accent, for example- PTSD is a physical response, it's not a choice. That's why I compared it with people's sexual attraction to others: a physical response and not a choice.
I think we should stay away from calling rape victims of any sex (or any gender identification) "bigots" for their trauma responses and individual needs.
I know this was a long and rambling response...it wasn't really aimed at you so much as clarifying my own thoughts about the issue!
Thanks for the comment. Another commenter has pointed out that for example an Indian victim may want to see someone outside of that community, and I accept that. My point which I didn’t explain thoroughly enough was for example in the NHS (and I know this happens) people come in shouting about being treated by ethnic minority staff, and often while drunk. I’m not talking about treatment for sexual crimes, but when patients come in refusing help from people born and brought up and qualified in Britain for no reason other than skin colour, and for conditions that are not related to being victims of assault, then that comes down to prejudice. In the case of rape victims as you have explained, there may be a multitude of reasons why someone might not want to see someone. But conflating racism with being gender critical is incorrect and I think that’s what the movement is doing.
The movement is always conflating racism with "transphobia" (I find "transphobia" dubious in and of itself, as I think most of the time, what is called "transphobia," when it's actually discrimination, is usually homophobia, or sometimes sexism; most of the time, accusations of "transphobia" regard another person simply not believing in gender identity, or that people can change sex- or having a justifiable fear of the opposite sex, in the case of women, regardless of any individual person's gender identity. It's possible though that there is now some genuine transphobia- I see it sometimes in GC circles- which seems to come from conflating the always-online, most-disturbed contingent of the trans community with all trans people, I think).
We need to acknowledge the sex and biology are very important to medical care in general- because they are *real.* Race, on the other hand, is a social construct like gender. Some people care, some people don't. Most people- whether they say it or not- DO care about someone's biological sex for *intimate* purposes, and medical examinations of all kinds should be considered intimate- because they are!
For example, my point about male versus female survivors is a good one, I think. Most male survivors of rape were raped by other men. They still usually prefer to have male counselors, and male-only support groups. Why? They feel a lot of *shame*- they feel emasculated. That's the specific sort of shame that men raped by other men may feel, in our society. They may be too embarrassed to speak in front of women (particularly heterosexual men, I think). This would lead to self-censorship, lack of participation, or even dropping out of the group.
On the other hand, female survivors of rape by men may simply have a knee-jerk, uncontrollable, and (in my opinion) wholly justifiable fear of adult males, so their reason for wanting single-sex accommodations may be different. It's not the fault if a female survivor of rape perceives the male person in their support group as male. It's not the place and time to ask them to put aside their fears and traumas and feelings and ask them to de-center themselves in the service of validating someone else, a male person- that is not appropriate. This is the one time when this woman deserves to center herself, and to have her fears and triggers respected and avoided. A trans-identifying male can have a mixed-sex group, even a female-identifying one in which the women have elected to be there, or a trans-specific group (which I do think would be helpful for transgender victims of sexual violence, as that community has its own specific needs, as well). I think such a setup would help prevent abusive males from joining women's support groups just to listen to women's stories. As a rape survivor, I unfortunately know well just how many men fetishize rape, and rape survivors, and specifically target us for harassment, torment, or further sexual abuse. For this reason alone, and considering that this is a male behavior, one nearly always directed at females, the safeguarding of female support groups- of all kinds, as abusive males will target vulnerable women of all kinds- but particularly female support groups for rape victims needs to be top-notch; all of which is to say that when it comes to female-only spaces and support groups, across the board safe-guarding is the number one factor that needs considering, whereas when it comes to male-only spaces and support groups, most of the time it's men's and boys' privacy and dignity at issue- and therefore their ability to speak and act freely, without embarrassment-rather than their safety.
Women have the same privacy and dignity needs, and can also be embarrassed discussing personal issues distinct to females in front of men; but mainly it's an issue of safety. Many female rape survivors will be instantaneously triggered and feel extremely threatened by having obvious males in their support groups, much less as their counselors or their medical examiners.
All of this needs to be seen through the lens of safeguarding, and of women's trauma due to our pervasive experiences of male sexual terrorism under patriarchy. Women's understanding of what a male is does not constitute bigotry, and to tell us otherwise is dangerous gaslighting bordering on a human rights violation. It is vital to our well-being and safety that girls and women are able to correctly identify both publicly and privately what a male is.
In contrast to these issues of privacy, dignity, and psychological and physical safety which arise when it comes to issues of opposite-sex intimate care, race really doesn't matter at all- a huge difference.
And it's terrible that racists are showing up to shout bigoted things at and about NHS staff who are people of color. That's absolutely bigotry.
I agree with you that it is important that we keep clear the difference between necessary and unnecessary distinctions. The sex distinction IS an important one- for both sexes; and that doesn't make either sex who needs sex-specific services bigoted, in any way (whether it's accusations of sexism, homophobia or transphobia)- not in any way.
Also I meant that there are *enough* (not "another") trans-identified people, unfortunately, that forming specific support groups for survivors from these demographics would be feasible...sorry for the typos!
This is fascinating. It always strikes me when people talk about any group of males that abuse women, and that crosses races, that women and girls in that community itself are often the most abused and voiceless. Who is outraged for them.
I noticed how quickly it bubbled up and died down during #MeToo, which was largely performative. Rates of male-on-female sexual assault have risen since then, and rates of prosecution of rapists have fallen.
My own personal experience with the men who obsess about rape victims tells me that letting males in women’s support groups, or letting males into positions of power over rape victims in their counseling, is a very bad idea.
It took me a long time to realize I was being singled out and picked on by rapists who recognized me in some way as having been a victim. By identifying myself as such in my moment of vulnerability, to men, I was making myself even more of a target.
Here’s a highly personal example: I’m still- at 38- dealing with the fallout of PTSD that happened from a man I briefly dated at age 33. I’ve developed multiple autoimmune disorders, because PTSD (and also the subsequent poor self-care- not eating well, exercising or socializing enough, drinking too much, etc- all common) is extremely hard on the body. The stress and tension held in the body alone, without the poor self-care, are enormously inflammatory. I’ve had to dedicate many years of my life which should have been dedicated to furthering my career or starting a family to trying to heal from the PTSD and all the subsequent problems in functioning and all the physical diseases it has caused.
Why do I mention this? Because at 33 I was actually finally ready to talk about my experiences of rape and sexual and physical abuse that I had in my teens and twenties. Instead of getting a counselor, as I should have, I tried dating.
The man I dated had been in behavioral health and led consent-training workshops. He talked a lot about “toxic masculinity.” Meanwhile, he coerced me into sex on our first date- looming over me pressuring me as I tried to say no- and slowly became more and more sexually abusive during our short-lived “relationship.” I made the mistake of letting him come over after we broke up, and he raped me. (He raped me again after that too…I was so incredibly traumatized that I thought an apology from him would help. He used that knowledge to stay in contact with me and lure me to see him with the promise that we’d “talk,” and I’d receive my apology. I was so deluded I honestly believed if I received an apology, I’d no longer be traumatized…that’s just a part of trauma, these kinds of delusional beliefs. It was evil of him to further prey on the person he had victimized this way, and he took the opportunity to harm me worse and further). It took me a long time to get fully away from him, and a lot longer to begin to recover from the PTSD. I’m still working on recovery- mental, physical, and spiritual- now.
Why do I mention him? Well, I went to Take Back the Night (in Britain it’s Reclaim the Night), an event for survivors, and he was there as a volunteer. He was collecting candles, and also accompanying a young girl. I saw he had insinuated himself into several groups combating violence against women. My guess is that it was a twofer for him: he got to troll for vulnerable victims, and look good while doing it.
I’m fairly certain that he also knew from abusing me that women who have been abused before are more likely to exhibit the freeze response, and dissociate. This makes it much easier for him to rape. He was specifically looking for previously raped women, because they would have lower self-esteem and be easier to gaslight and abuse; and because they’d be more likely to freeze, and less likely to be believed, thus less likely to tell. (The majority of people don’t know that many women are raped multiple times by different men…that we become more vulnerable to rape, especially when it happens to us first in childhood or young adulthood; and that we are targeted by predatory men- who are able to spot us- for these reasons). So if you’ve been raped before, reported it and nothing happened, you’re much less likely to report it again. You’ll just be seen as “crying rape.” This makes rape victims the most rapeable population of vulnerable victims (for the same reason women in prostitution are so vulnerable).
I’m saying all this to passionately and personally explain why safeguarding of female rape victims is so necessary. Men like the rapist I had the spectacular misfortune of meeting are rife, they often work in behavioral health, and they like to get close to their victims. For the same reason we need to be more careful of male priests, teachers and coaches, we need to be more careful of any male who wants to counsel or simply be in a group with female rape victims- because simply by existing as females and as survivors of rape, we are targets.
This is not something that should need explaining to anyone who works in the women’s sector, much less to the director of a rape crisis center.
You write so powerfully. I think I understand why you have (oh come on of course I do) but the idea that you have had to expose yourself even more here is heartbreaking. That this has all got so crazy that you or anyone would need to explain for anyone hard of thinking. I am cautious for you, and knowing that the walls have ears. I want as many people as possible to read this if they can stomach it and not turn away. But I want you to be protected from further pain.
Too much to say in response. Too many parallels. There is much trauma sloshing around and I worry that reading it all here is too triggering at times for many on here. I worry I am triggering you and others. I'm trying to face mine myself.
Many have cultivated a very successful liberal man outlook and outward appearance and I have wanted to stick posters on lampposts and run around screaming at times to warn others, that the polite, self-deprecating nice man in their midst is an abuser or a rapist. Other people realising after is too late.
Be rightfully enraged and angry, but know that others hold the baton too, we stand next to you and you are not alone. I hope you are able to keep most of your astonishing compassion, strength, honesty and clarity for you, and to continue to build yourself up. I'm in awe.
So the lying narcissist who demonstrates an absence of empathy for actual damaged & vulnerable women may be influencing the diversion of funds away from services for them to his husband's business?
'Gaps' in services. Hmm. 'Gaps' that are developed and created so a new 'provider' can 'provide' a 'service'. Genius. I need some Ella and Louis here...You say Serco, I say Sacro. Serco, Sacro, let's call the whole thing off. Mr Menno can you help? No one doing fit and proper person tests any longer?
I'd imagine most are in fear of him. Behind his simpering girlie smile and gentle voice, will be a male of iron will, who, if ever he is crossed will be sure to have his revenge. It's what narcissists do. He constantly paints himself as 'the victim', be it his sexuality, his skin colour, his background, etc.etc.etc. Again, it's what they always do...
That's what it is. I come across less girlie that he does - that whispery voice set off my clanging internal bells - it's higher and more deliberately pitched than mine.
JL - Thank you, this is so impressive. Great work indeed.
Perhaps other 'news outlets' such as the dreadfully one-sided and myopic Guardian should take note of the ostensible level and depth of excellent research here. You clearly put most 'journalists' at the G to shame.
What a web of corrupt cronyism we have here. The level of selfish and egotistical thinking in this, business-wise, matches perfectly Wadhwa's attitude towards the very women that he is charged with protecting and helping.
If he is brought to book for this and suffers in anyway way mentally or financially, we must remember to call on him to 'Reframe his trauma'.
Thank you, Moley. Much appreciated.
Huge respect to you for this... But you know I already had that so its' just gone up a notch!
BLUSHING! Thanks so much. That's very kind of you! Always loving your work, as you know! x
I've just posted it on Mhairi Black's FB page, JL, so she can see exactly who she's supporting. Stupid woman she's become. Makes my blood boil. Hugely well done for this blog, and I agree with everyone else, superb research and attention to detail. These two men have a great deal to answer for.
Thank you so much, Ellen. I really appreciate you sharing the article. Even if Ms Black won't read it (she's too committed a collaborator, I'm afraid!) others will read it and, hopefully, have their eyes opened. It's great you posted it. Thank you!
Good for you! Doubt whether it will be read. Her mind isn't for changing... Sadly.
Proper journalism. The nationals should buy this and be ashamed that they didn't do the same level of research.
Thank you, lovely! x
Brilliant journalism. This must be spread far and wide. He’s in it for the cash and to destroy women’s rights. A win-win for Wahdwa.
Thank you, Toni. And I agree entirely about Mridul the Murky.
Mridul Wadhwa also submitted written evidence to the Women and Equalities Committee asking for the occupational single sex provisions in the 2010 equality act to be removed. This would, of course, mean rape crisis centres would have to invite all men to be candidates, (not just trans women) and wouldn't be able to discriminate against them when filling posts. Unbelievably selfish.
Here's the submission here: https://data.parliament.uk/writtenevidence/committeeevidence.svc/evidencedocument/women-and-equalities-committee/transgender-equality/written/19653.pdf
Wadhwa also admits here that "When I started working in this sector, I was not out as a trans person." which means he was very likely deceiving female victims of rape when undertaking councelling. Shocking.
And MW can be out and in plain sight now doing whatever MW wants. Bide your time, lay the groundwork, then do what you want. And has finagled his way to such a secure position he is submitting evidence to Parliament in his position as respected expert in Women and Women and Equalities matters. He doesn't represent all Transpeople either.
Hope they didn't call him to give further evidence in person. And it's a 'personal submission' which is clever and oh so brave as he knows he couldn't write that in his professional capacity as there are rules against it. So he gets around that by wearing his other 'personal' hat, knowing full well it will imply it is the view of his organisation and the whole sector. Boundaries mean nothing to him, that is obvious and he's getting around rules. And they're letting him.
Where the hell are the grown ups? Why is it taking so long? Women's services may now lose funding if people are uncomfortable about what services are doing. I am conflicted but do not want the women of Edinburgh, and Scotland, and wider to suffer, which they clearly already are.
Fairly takes your breath away !! Completely self serving to boot !!
This is a brilliant piece of journalism
Thank you so much, Greengate. Much appreciated.
Always follow the money. Great (and scary) article.
Thank you, Victoria.
I am seriously sickened by it all although I have known about sacro, vahanomy, and the connections to mw. He has his fingers in many pies and is on other boards Engender is one of them. It is filthy just filthy. Thank you Graham for getting this out.
When these local councils who are using the publics money, which is of course no skin off their noses, in order to virtue signal and flag up their obeyance to the cult of men who loses? both these men have twigged that jobs and contracts in the public sector are gravy trains to bend to their will.
Total scum! The Times in the UK have written against this, so it's a small measure of comfort. I don't understand however why he wasn't sacked for lying on his application form. I'm sure there used to be something about it before you signed a form.
He shoulda been outta the door as soon as they discovered that a) he's male and b) he lied. Disgraceful that he's been working in the women's sector for so long.
GRA needs to be repealed in full, never to rise again. NO man should ever be allowed to legally declare he's now of female 'gender', nor should any woman be allowed to legally state she's male. It's all such a load of total and utter bunkum, and it's really harming and hurting women, which is exactly what was wanted from the start. Repeal it all, and every GRC too.
The word GENDER should be BINNED !! SEX MATTERS !!
yes. The word is meaningless.
More excellent journalism from JL. MW is a walking swamp of corruption and he needs t be removed from any contact with vulnerable people of either sex.
I quite agree. He has no business working in this sector. And thank you so much for you kind words! xx
"Prejudiced" would be refusing to see an Indian female counsellor. It is not prejudiced for a woman to refuse to discuss rape with an Indian male counsellor. Mridul really doesn't care about the rape victims here.
He's trying the usual tactic of saying "Trans and BAME women". Which to my mind is racist af. Women of colour ARE women. Men are not. But it's a cunning a trick.
It's like a pickpocket distraction. Look over there!!!
Very much so. And a cunning silencing tactic. Like tagging the T onto the LGB... so it's easy to shut people up - no decent person wants to appear or be though racist or homophobic.
He's full of tricks!
Machiavellian narcissist
It may not be prejudiced, depending on the needs of the person needing counselling. There may be something relevant to the trauma that the counsellor being Indian makes worse.
Even in a more general counselling environment, the counsellee, by virtue of client-centred care, can refuse any counsellor for any reason without being judged. I have selected my counsellors on the basis of sex, race, or silly things like where their photograph was taken, in the past.
Yes, absolutely Jeremy. They may be of Indian heritage themselves and be ostracised or abused by their own family or community, so would prefer to see someone of a different background, or not connected to their community. Anyone who knew anything about Women's services or counselling or being vulnerable would know this. Much of the work in Women's services is multi-cultural and with women (and men) from a wide range of classes, religions or no religion, geographies, educations, ages and backgrounds for this very reason. It is your sex that is the factor that leads to the reasons you seek support from or work in this sector. Misogyny cuts across all this.
There is a real problem with squashing every conceivable issue into 'equality and diversity' as it blurs, confuses and obscures.
Thank you - far more coherently written than I managed!
Yours was so well put I had to agree - and it helped me crystallise my own feelings on this, so there :-)
😂
Ah yes, I hadn't considered that. I meant in a hateful way which does happen in other industries/sectors, but you're absolutely right.
Thanks- this is what I was trying to say in my response above, but in far fewer words! Well-said.
Your words were heartfelt and correct. I could easily post as many words most days - I quite envy your free expression.
Yes - and we have all become so terrified of voicing opinions, and exploring these subjects or asking questions for fear of being shot down in flames. I really love to read what people write here, and I learn a lot. Twitter really did for long form writing and nuance.
I actually reject even this framing.
To make the proper analogy, is a woman (of any race) who was raped by an Indian person prejudiced for refusing an Indian counselor? How about a woman (of any age) raped by an older man- is she prejudiced for refusing an older counselor? You could reverse it and say a man, and it would be the same.
Choosing a counselor for a rape victim needs to be as personal and free of accusations of bigotry as dating. If a person has a dating preference to date only within their own race, or only others of a specific race, while certainly especially in the latter category those who are the object of this person's attention have a right to ask the "why" of the person's dating preferences, and everyone can wonder about so-and-so who only dates other white people, or so-and-so who specifically only wants to date Asian women, etc.; yet I absolutely do not think anyone has the right to ask them to "examine their dating preferences" or call them bigots for not broadening their dating pool. That is verging into rape culture rhetoric. And that's just the racial example of the common argument that lesbians and gays need to "examine their genital preferences" and have straight sex with opposite-sex trans-identified people. It's definitely slippery slope territory, and not of the fallacious kind- we should never be policing or condemning people for their sexual preferences. We can have our judgments, we can think it shows shallowness, etc. These should remain individual and not be normalized at a societal or systemic level.
Similarly, I do not think we should *ever* say that *any* rape survivor is prejudiced in his or her choice of counselor. Male rape survivors should have the same right to choose a male examiner or male counselor or male-only survivor group as female rape survivors. As a matter of practicality, and due to the constant onslaught of male sexual terrorism of girls and women, female rape survivors of male sexual abuse and assault- who far and away constitute the largest group of rape survivors in the world- most definitely need to have access to female-only spaces should they need them for healing. It is appalling that Rape Crisis Scotland turned away a 14-year-old girl who was a victim of gang rape because she wanted a female counselor and female-only groups and care. There should be provisions for any woman who simply cannot deal with men anymore. (I am feeling more and more like this myself- I cannot deal with men anymore; to be quite honest, since what has happened to me, they scare me). I don't think I could have a male counselor these days. I absolutely should have the right, as a survivor many times over of male rape and domestic violence, to have a female counselor (which I do have) and the option of a female-only support group (which I do not; I don't think that option exists anymore in the United States, by law). Especially given that there are males who get off on women's pain and trauma (and this is a specifically male-pattern desire; you won't find many women going to men's support groups out of a sexual desire to listen to their stories), it is especially important that women have the option of all-female spaces, when it's as easy as a man saying "I'm female!" and getting access to his own private spank bank of rape victim stories (many women will be made so uncomfortable by the presence of such a male in the group that they would simply stop using services- or may not seek them out at all, as has been detailed regarding women in Scotland, who simply don't use the services out of fear of being forced to talk to and interact with males).
Trans women should have their own safe spaces, or be allowed into mixed-sex, woman-identified groups in which women have elected to be (women who are okay with the presence of female-identifying males in the group). I do think trans women should also have their own safe spaces, free of women and males who are not trans-identifying; and I think they should also have the option, if they like, or male-only (or female-only) counseling, or of joining male groups, because their outward gender expression should not be a barrier to their being in a male-only survivor group, if they want to be in it; essentially, they should have access to all group support *except* female-only support groups, in which females have said they do not want interact with any males, regardless of identity. (I think trans men should also have the option of joining all-female groups if they want- although, as always, I do think in such unusual cases as a trans woman wanting to join a male survivor group, or a trans man- who may look and sound very much like a man- wanting to join a female survivor group, the group should be allowed a say on it, as a whole; the whole-group dynamic should be respected). Trans men should also have their own support groups just for trans men (I think there are another survivors of sexual abuse in both trans women and trans men populations that this would be feasible- unfortunately), and be allowed in mixed-sex male-identifying groups, and mixed-sex groups in general, and all female groups if the women in them are informed and agree to it; but *not* into all-male groups in which male members have specifically said they want only other male members. It is OKAY to discriminate, whatever your reasons, when you are a rape survivor. If a man was raped by his female relative and wants no reminders of females around, and a trans man talking about a female upbringing or a past as a woman would be a trigger- that's a potential problem, no? Single-sex survivor groups are important, when such a personal crime as rape is so based on one's biological sex, sexuality, and can be tied to the sex of the perpetrator (there are likely more male rape victims of men who would simply be embarrassed to have females as members of their group. My guess is that trans men would not trigger this shame response, or tendency to self-censorship, for men as much as trans women would for women, simply because, even if it's unfair, trans men on the whole pass much better for men than trans women do for women; most trans women are immediately identifiable as male, which would make many female survivors instantly uncomfortable, which isn't their fault, and doesn't make them "bigots").
And of course all survivors- male, female, trans-identifying or not- should be able to choose the sex of their private, individual counselor- let alone the sex of their medical examiner!!!
And saying "I don't want a counselor" (or medical examiner) "from the ethnic background of my attacker," while it might be a more unusual request, should also not be seen as bigoted. I'm not suggesting we make support groups around race (race, in and of itself, does not play an enormous role in one's feelings about a sexual crime, including feelings about talking in front of people of the opposite sex about our experiences of rape), but I also don't think that a survivor (of any ethnic background) who chooses to reject a counselor for being of the ethnic background of her attacker, or to not attend a support group who has a person from that ethic background and finds that it triggers memories of her attacks, should be thought of or referred to as "bigoted." She may be completely fine with people of all races, but cannot control the flood of memories that come back hearing a particular accent, for example- PTSD is a physical response, it's not a choice. That's why I compared it with people's sexual attraction to others: a physical response and not a choice.
I think we should stay away from calling rape victims of any sex (or any gender identification) "bigots" for their trauma responses and individual needs.
I know this was a long and rambling response...it wasn't really aimed at you so much as clarifying my own thoughts about the issue!
Thanks for the comment. Another commenter has pointed out that for example an Indian victim may want to see someone outside of that community, and I accept that. My point which I didn’t explain thoroughly enough was for example in the NHS (and I know this happens) people come in shouting about being treated by ethnic minority staff, and often while drunk. I’m not talking about treatment for sexual crimes, but when patients come in refusing help from people born and brought up and qualified in Britain for no reason other than skin colour, and for conditions that are not related to being victims of assault, then that comes down to prejudice. In the case of rape victims as you have explained, there may be a multitude of reasons why someone might not want to see someone. But conflating racism with being gender critical is incorrect and I think that’s what the movement is doing.
Yes, I take your point- thanks for responding!
The movement is always conflating racism with "transphobia" (I find "transphobia" dubious in and of itself, as I think most of the time, what is called "transphobia," when it's actually discrimination, is usually homophobia, or sometimes sexism; most of the time, accusations of "transphobia" regard another person simply not believing in gender identity, or that people can change sex- or having a justifiable fear of the opposite sex, in the case of women, regardless of any individual person's gender identity. It's possible though that there is now some genuine transphobia- I see it sometimes in GC circles- which seems to come from conflating the always-online, most-disturbed contingent of the trans community with all trans people, I think).
We need to acknowledge the sex and biology are very important to medical care in general- because they are *real.* Race, on the other hand, is a social construct like gender. Some people care, some people don't. Most people- whether they say it or not- DO care about someone's biological sex for *intimate* purposes, and medical examinations of all kinds should be considered intimate- because they are!
For example, my point about male versus female survivors is a good one, I think. Most male survivors of rape were raped by other men. They still usually prefer to have male counselors, and male-only support groups. Why? They feel a lot of *shame*- they feel emasculated. That's the specific sort of shame that men raped by other men may feel, in our society. They may be too embarrassed to speak in front of women (particularly heterosexual men, I think). This would lead to self-censorship, lack of participation, or even dropping out of the group.
On the other hand, female survivors of rape by men may simply have a knee-jerk, uncontrollable, and (in my opinion) wholly justifiable fear of adult males, so their reason for wanting single-sex accommodations may be different. It's not the fault if a female survivor of rape perceives the male person in their support group as male. It's not the place and time to ask them to put aside their fears and traumas and feelings and ask them to de-center themselves in the service of validating someone else, a male person- that is not appropriate. This is the one time when this woman deserves to center herself, and to have her fears and triggers respected and avoided. A trans-identifying male can have a mixed-sex group, even a female-identifying one in which the women have elected to be there, or a trans-specific group (which I do think would be helpful for transgender victims of sexual violence, as that community has its own specific needs, as well). I think such a setup would help prevent abusive males from joining women's support groups just to listen to women's stories. As a rape survivor, I unfortunately know well just how many men fetishize rape, and rape survivors, and specifically target us for harassment, torment, or further sexual abuse. For this reason alone, and considering that this is a male behavior, one nearly always directed at females, the safeguarding of female support groups- of all kinds, as abusive males will target vulnerable women of all kinds- but particularly female support groups for rape victims needs to be top-notch; all of which is to say that when it comes to female-only spaces and support groups, across the board safe-guarding is the number one factor that needs considering, whereas when it comes to male-only spaces and support groups, most of the time it's men's and boys' privacy and dignity at issue- and therefore their ability to speak and act freely, without embarrassment-rather than their safety.
Women have the same privacy and dignity needs, and can also be embarrassed discussing personal issues distinct to females in front of men; but mainly it's an issue of safety. Many female rape survivors will be instantaneously triggered and feel extremely threatened by having obvious males in their support groups, much less as their counselors or their medical examiners.
All of this needs to be seen through the lens of safeguarding, and of women's trauma due to our pervasive experiences of male sexual terrorism under patriarchy. Women's understanding of what a male is does not constitute bigotry, and to tell us otherwise is dangerous gaslighting bordering on a human rights violation. It is vital to our well-being and safety that girls and women are able to correctly identify both publicly and privately what a male is.
In contrast to these issues of privacy, dignity, and psychological and physical safety which arise when it comes to issues of opposite-sex intimate care, race really doesn't matter at all- a huge difference.
And it's terrible that racists are showing up to shout bigoted things at and about NHS staff who are people of color. That's absolutely bigotry.
I agree with you that it is important that we keep clear the difference between necessary and unnecessary distinctions. The sex distinction IS an important one- for both sexes; and that doesn't make either sex who needs sex-specific services bigoted, in any way (whether it's accusations of sexism, homophobia or transphobia)- not in any way.
Also I meant that there are *enough* (not "another") trans-identified people, unfortunately, that forming specific support groups for survivors from these demographics would be feasible...sorry for the typos!
This is fascinating. It always strikes me when people talk about any group of males that abuse women, and that crosses races, that women and girls in that community itself are often the most abused and voiceless. Who is outraged for them.
Where is all the outrage for us, indeed.
I noticed how quickly it bubbled up and died down during #MeToo, which was largely performative. Rates of male-on-female sexual assault have risen since then, and rates of prosecution of rapists have fallen.
My own personal experience with the men who obsess about rape victims tells me that letting males in women’s support groups, or letting males into positions of power over rape victims in their counseling, is a very bad idea.
It took me a long time to realize I was being singled out and picked on by rapists who recognized me in some way as having been a victim. By identifying myself as such in my moment of vulnerability, to men, I was making myself even more of a target.
Here’s a highly personal example: I’m still- at 38- dealing with the fallout of PTSD that happened from a man I briefly dated at age 33. I’ve developed multiple autoimmune disorders, because PTSD (and also the subsequent poor self-care- not eating well, exercising or socializing enough, drinking too much, etc- all common) is extremely hard on the body. The stress and tension held in the body alone, without the poor self-care, are enormously inflammatory. I’ve had to dedicate many years of my life which should have been dedicated to furthering my career or starting a family to trying to heal from the PTSD and all the subsequent problems in functioning and all the physical diseases it has caused.
Why do I mention this? Because at 33 I was actually finally ready to talk about my experiences of rape and sexual and physical abuse that I had in my teens and twenties. Instead of getting a counselor, as I should have, I tried dating.
The man I dated had been in behavioral health and led consent-training workshops. He talked a lot about “toxic masculinity.” Meanwhile, he coerced me into sex on our first date- looming over me pressuring me as I tried to say no- and slowly became more and more sexually abusive during our short-lived “relationship.” I made the mistake of letting him come over after we broke up, and he raped me. (He raped me again after that too…I was so incredibly traumatized that I thought an apology from him would help. He used that knowledge to stay in contact with me and lure me to see him with the promise that we’d “talk,” and I’d receive my apology. I was so deluded I honestly believed if I received an apology, I’d no longer be traumatized…that’s just a part of trauma, these kinds of delusional beliefs. It was evil of him to further prey on the person he had victimized this way, and he took the opportunity to harm me worse and further). It took me a long time to get fully away from him, and a lot longer to begin to recover from the PTSD. I’m still working on recovery- mental, physical, and spiritual- now.
Why do I mention him? Well, I went to Take Back the Night (in Britain it’s Reclaim the Night), an event for survivors, and he was there as a volunteer. He was collecting candles, and also accompanying a young girl. I saw he had insinuated himself into several groups combating violence against women. My guess is that it was a twofer for him: he got to troll for vulnerable victims, and look good while doing it.
I’m fairly certain that he also knew from abusing me that women who have been abused before are more likely to exhibit the freeze response, and dissociate. This makes it much easier for him to rape. He was specifically looking for previously raped women, because they would have lower self-esteem and be easier to gaslight and abuse; and because they’d be more likely to freeze, and less likely to be believed, thus less likely to tell. (The majority of people don’t know that many women are raped multiple times by different men…that we become more vulnerable to rape, especially when it happens to us first in childhood or young adulthood; and that we are targeted by predatory men- who are able to spot us- for these reasons). So if you’ve been raped before, reported it and nothing happened, you’re much less likely to report it again. You’ll just be seen as “crying rape.” This makes rape victims the most rapeable population of vulnerable victims (for the same reason women in prostitution are so vulnerable).
I’m saying all this to passionately and personally explain why safeguarding of female rape victims is so necessary. Men like the rapist I had the spectacular misfortune of meeting are rife, they often work in behavioral health, and they like to get close to their victims. For the same reason we need to be more careful of male priests, teachers and coaches, we need to be more careful of any male who wants to counsel or simply be in a group with female rape victims- because simply by existing as females and as survivors of rape, we are targets.
This is not something that should need explaining to anyone who works in the women’s sector, much less to the director of a rape crisis center.
I'm reading through your comment Mórrígan, and before I finish, I'm sending you a hug. You are incredibly strong, never forget this XX
You write so powerfully. I think I understand why you have (oh come on of course I do) but the idea that you have had to expose yourself even more here is heartbreaking. That this has all got so crazy that you or anyone would need to explain for anyone hard of thinking. I am cautious for you, and knowing that the walls have ears. I want as many people as possible to read this if they can stomach it and not turn away. But I want you to be protected from further pain.
Too much to say in response. Too many parallels. There is much trauma sloshing around and I worry that reading it all here is too triggering at times for many on here. I worry I am triggering you and others. I'm trying to face mine myself.
Many have cultivated a very successful liberal man outlook and outward appearance and I have wanted to stick posters on lampposts and run around screaming at times to warn others, that the polite, self-deprecating nice man in their midst is an abuser or a rapist. Other people realising after is too late.
Be rightfully enraged and angry, but know that others hold the baton too, we stand next to you and you are not alone. I hope you are able to keep most of your astonishing compassion, strength, honesty and clarity for you, and to continue to build yourself up. I'm in awe.
X
So the lying narcissist who demonstrates an absence of empathy for actual damaged & vulnerable women may be influencing the diversion of funds away from services for them to his husband's business?
Well colour me shocked!
(Brilliant work JL)
Ah thank you!
This, again, is brilliant. Thank you.
'Gaps' in services. Hmm. 'Gaps' that are developed and created so a new 'provider' can 'provide' a 'service'. Genius. I need some Ella and Louis here...You say Serco, I say Sacro. Serco, Sacro, let's call the whole thing off. Mr Menno can you help? No one doing fit and proper person tests any longer?
Ah, thank you!
How can he still be allowed to stay? it is disgusting.
I know, Sianrose. It is disgusting. Shame on anyone who facilities this awful man.
I'd imagine most are in fear of him. Behind his simpering girlie smile and gentle voice, will be a male of iron will, who, if ever he is crossed will be sure to have his revenge. It's what narcissists do. He constantly paints himself as 'the victim', be it his sexuality, his skin colour, his background, etc.etc.etc. Again, it's what they always do...
That's what it is. I come across less girlie that he does - that whispery voice set off my clanging internal bells - it's higher and more deliberately pitched than mine.
My sensors were clanging, too. The ones that pick up on disguised passive-aggression, maniplative narcissism... Found! Found!
This is good investigating. Could you please put that public so we can share it? I think it's important that this reaches as many people as possible.
Thank you so much, Chris. (And I think it is public - just C&P the link!)
It is public...
I agree, THIS is proper journalism. Well done JL. Utterly appalling.
Oh thank you, Slapdash. Much appreciated!