"Ma'am I am"

By way of Doctor Seuss.

Hello, my friend! Hello to you!
I need to tell you something new!

Hello, good sir! Hello, I say!
Please tell me why you’re dressed this way!

I am so glad we meet once more!
You knew me as a man before.
I changed my name! I changed my hair!
I put on ladies’ underwear!
You must not ever call me “sir.”
I am a she! I am a her!

I see your hair. It is a wig.
Your Adam’s apple still looks big.
You are a man, and that is clear.
I do not see a woman here.
I must admit, it’s rather odd
To hear you say you’re now a broad.

I am a woman! Call me ma’am!
You have to call me Ma’am I Am!
I wear a skirt! I wear high heels!
I feel just how a lady feels!

You cannot know how ladies feel.
It is not true. It is not real.
A woman’s more than shoes or clothes.
I do not care if you have those.

I am a woman! You can see!
I had expensive surgery!
A surgeon came! He gave me tits!
He changed my junk to lady bits!
My pronouns now are “she” and “her.”
I am a woman! I am sure!

A saline bag is not a breast.
A woman’s more than how you’re dressed.
You are a man. This is a sham.
I will not, cannot, call you ma’am.
I will not, cannot, say a lie.
I wish you well, but now: goodbye!

I made the city change a law
To let me use the women’s spa
But now I do not want to go!
It is your fault, I’ll have you know!
You have been mean! You have been rude!
You’ve put me in a sour mood!
I am so mad! I feel such stress!
I think I may have PMS!

You have no uterus, so no:
You cannot bleed from down below.
I do not like your padded bra!
You should not use the women’s spa!
You tell me you had surgery;
Your pronouns still are “him” and “he.”
Your chromosomes are X and Y.
That means you’ll always be a guy.
You gave yourself a girly name.
That does not mean you’re now a dame.
A surgeon chopped your eggs and ham?
I still won’t call you Ma’am I Am.

Police! Police! It is not fair!
You must arrest that person there!
His hateful speech has frightened me!
He made me sad! He called me “he”!

Now come with us for being bad.
You should not make this lady sad.
To jail with you, and there you’ll stay
Until you change the words you say.

I will not change them! I refuse!
A woman’s more than clothes or shoes!
The DNA in every cell
Is how a scientist can tell!
You cannot force me to agree
Because he’s taking HRT!
You cannot force me to comply!
I will not, cannot, say a lie!
A woman’s more than how you feel!
It is not true! It is not real!

To jail with you! That’s quite enough!
You must not say such awful stuff!
You should have called this lady “ma’am”!
We’re very sorry, Ma’am I Am.
Because he did not call you “she”
We’ll lock him up and lose the key.

At last that horrid man is gone!
I think I’ll hit the nail salon!
And then I’ll buy athletic shorts.
I think I could be good at sports!
I may be getting fat and old
But still, I bet I’ll win the gold!
I’ll beat those girls! I know I can!
I’m bigger! Stronger!
I’m a man!