The thing is, the majority of girls will never say these things if they know there is some expectation that they don’t. And in the case of allowing men and boys who say they’re women and girls into their private spaces, they know there is.
I’m a woman who has experienced rape on multiple occasions. I would feel incredibly uncomfortable if I found myself alone in a locker room or a small bathroom with a man, particularly a large man; much less alone in a room in a shelter or a prison cell with a man.
We need our refuges. If I feel under threat while cycling, I can stop and go into a women’s restroom. If it’s reasonable a man can follow me in there, that no longer becomes a safe haven. It used to be that going into the women’s restroom really did deter predators. Not so anymore.
It’s sad that I have to say “if I feel under threat while cycling,” because it’s sad that women of reproductive age have to take precautions as if we are always at war. Public space is limited to us- the world is not properly our oyster, no matter how much money we may have (which most of us don’t, since most of the world’s poor are women)- even in our own backyards.
I remember reading about a woman who casually mentioned to a male friend the kinds of precautions women generally take. He was shocked and said it reminded him of his time in the Army. He said the hypervigilance, awareness of exit and entry routes, plans for safety, or carrying of weapons all sounded exactly like soldiers conducting their daily business in a war zone.
It struck me that he was absolutely right, and just how heartbreaking that was. Girls’ worlds narrow.
My heroes have always been the women who take risks anyway. I’m a huge fan of cross-country or intercontinental cycling, and remember reading about a young woman who cycled alone around the world. Such a beautiful story, it almost seems like a fairytale. I want to believe I could be so adventurous and be left alone, be safe. I used to think maybe it had something to do with attitude: if I were open, loving, and not fearful, the bad men would leave me alone. I don’t think this is entirely true though, and I’m sure this young woman had many encounters she never discussed in her blog, and that she probably dedicated quite a bit of mental and physical energy to protecting herself on her journey.
Cat-calling, eve teasing: these are threats about what happens to you if you’re a woman in men’s public space. The public realm is coded male and male only. You become fair game the minute you enter it. As favorite targets, teenage girls are perhaps the most keenly aware of this.
As an adult woman, I also deserve the right to feel safe in vulnerable public places, so that I can participate in public. I have the right to practice female culture without males, too. This is the least society can do to remediate the intensity of sexism and sexual violence aimed at us for being female.
There are women and girls who are too traumatized to be around males in enclosed spaces at all. These laws mean the return to the urinary leash for them.
Wonderful post, Morrigan. I'm so sorry for the awful things that have happened to you, but so proud of you for finding your courage and strength to carry on. Your post is both illuminating and inspiring. Sending you a gentle 'virtual' huge.
Thanks, Ellen. I just got into an argument with a man on here when I wasn’t even trying to argue 🤣 It’s funny because women are often called weak or frail, but I wonder how many men would survive what so many of us go through? If men had to put up with what we do but still somehow maintained their dominance, how long until women were declared public enemy number one? 🤣
I am actually thinking of switching careers from teaching to counseling, and I hope one day to let everything I’ve experienced make me more compassionate while no longer being the dominant force in my life. It’s unfortunate I’ve had to spend so much mental energy on this, but I always try to find silver linings, and the incredible amount I’ve learned is definitely the main one of all of them.
Colm: "Is anyone actually asking young people what they think?...and if girls say they want their own toilets, is anyone drafting a letter calling on people to deny those girls a voice?"
Colm gives me the absolute creeps. I saw some of his posts on Twitter before he blocked me, he's blocked so many others too. Utterly refuses to listen and seems to have a deep hatred of women and girls, in my view, with no sense of safeguarding for our sex at all, not a single iota. Amnesty are behaving appallingly, but he takes the prize for the biggest misogynistic fecker amongst them. HOW could any man, or woman, EVER assume that young girls would be safe amongst young lads raging with hormones, in such intimate, private spaces as school toilets/showers/changing rooms? Is there something wrong with him that I don't know about? All decent men would be seething at his comments.
I honestly dont think you are going to get 1000's of young boys marching down streets with banners saying "Speak up for freedom by chopping my willy off and/or allowing me to use the girls toilets"
Look, there is reason and there is desire, and truthfully speaking, those who want reason are protecting children from those with the desire to get children interested in sexual politics. the people with reason on their side dont appear to put sexual matters before everything else in their life. Example: how would I define myself -well I tried for a long time, in my youth, to identify by what bands I liked and what books I liked. I tried to find people who liked those things. Then as I got older I tried to find people who were more knowledgeable about the subjects that gave me a living, computer networks and how to build them and fix them, and also I wanted to meet people who were outside of that. I wanted to try my hand at being a musician or a writer, I wished I could meet REAL geniuses like William Gibson and Larry David and Jason Pierce and many others I know exist now . I've never really politicised my penis to the extent that I want others to coalesce around me and acknowledge my sexual thoughts as being politically worthy of legislation. I can hardly bring myself to politicise myself around those kind of thoughts hahahahahaha. In fact it would, I have always thought, be horrible to live in such a world where sexual taboo did not exist.
Why doesnt everyone declare their sexual fantasies as worthy of political protection. Imagine Good Morning Britain with some made up guy - not me, (I swear these arent my fantasies I made them up) but can you imagine some guy on GMB saying "Oh it's just fascism to say that people who want sex with fighter plane jet engines is a pervert" or "we must go after anyone who thinks Hillary Clinton is not a sex goddess". Let's get back to the point. Who do you think is going to want to protect children the most, the guy who admits they find dressing in nappies (daipers) sexually appealing, or some guy who finds that kind of thing fairly unfathomable and possibly hilariously absurd or even disgusting? The guy who politicises free speech and reason, or the guy who politicises his sexual fantasies and the idea that children are able to understand the sexual perversions of adulthood?
An enormous amount of male culture centers around male sexuality- much of it predatory- and this is reflected in what is supposedly female culture but is really for the male gaze, too. The entirety of culture at times seem to be about men’s penises.
It’s BORING. It’s SO BORING.
I’ve been sexually abused a lot. As a result, I’ve had to spend a lot of time trying to get well. It’s EXHAUSTING. It’s SO EXHAUSTING.
We need to be moving AWAY- not towards, AWAY- from making the world about men’s sexual fantasies, FOR GOD’S SAKE. It makes men so FECKING UNINTERESTING.
Then women get carried along with this bullshit too, failing the Bechdel tests in their own lives. B-O-R-I-N-G.
There are so many interesting subjects out there that have nothing to do with humans at all. The universe is AMAZING!
I’m annoyed I’ve had to get hung up on a topic because of the way it’s materially affected my life. I’m annoyed I’ve had to spend so many years dealing with the fallout of male violence I haven’t been able to write all the books I want to write, and now I’ll have limited time and also still be dealing with said fallout. I am more upset about the loss of my own potential than I even am about not having a partner and family as I’d wanted, although now the fact that I feel I must make a choice between the two- because after finally getting well, do I want to spend my forties and fifties raising kids, once again sacrificing all time in my career and writing career- that fact is also infuriating. The sexual violence directed at us with impunity fucks up our lives and NO ONE GIVES A DAMN.
The colonization of our brains with this fucking brain rot, as if boring-ass libertinism which is not the slightest bit transgressive and really is rather sad and comical is the height of fascination, is somehow even WORSE than the instances of violence. It seems like it took my receiving the short end of the stick in this regard to begin to decolonize my own mind and say to myself “this stuff is fucking BORING.”
It’s all SO ANNOYING. My story is only that of all women ever oppressed under patriarchy: stuck dealing with immature men’s stupid bullshit for life, because there’s no escape.
Can we all stop being so self-obsessed as a society and encourage interest in topics other than our stupid sexual interests?
That these men are taking up so much space with their stupid kinks and the world acts as if this is revolutionary is INFURIATING, and if it didn’t affect me, I would just choose not to care, but once again, just as it affects you when you’re going about your daily business and some asshole decides to grab your breasts as many assholes before him have, it DOES affect me!!! What am I supposed to do when some nappy-wearing 6-foot fetishist comes into my private space- not feel bothered? Be okay with feeling anxious or tense all the time? Be okay with my safety being compromised? Be okay with calculating the likely risk to myself of being around sexually fixated males in my private space? Be okay with any of this having to take up my brain space?
These sexual narcissists are so bloody selfish! ARGHHH
There are plenty of reasonable men like you, and plenty of unreasonable women. I’d just like to see a move away from focusing on sex at all...there are so many other things in life which are so much more important; and even the importance of sexuality should be understood in relation to the importance of affection, connection and intimacy, and it’s NOT, and that’s ALSO SO ANNOYING.
Okay, I’ll stop ranting now. But I agree with you. I do think men have much more luxury to avoid this stuff if they like, whereas it’s forced on us as women whether we like it or not; it compromises our safety and dictates the material conditions of our lives.
You say some good things here, but let me ask you this: Is it possible to stop men and women focusing on sex? Hormones drive the sex drive. Women arent angels they want sex just as much as men want sex. They enjoy it just as much as men do. My beef is not with what they do with that drive but essentially how far from the true reason for sex that we travel. For example, how can you compare a man or woman who spends their time thinking about their intellectual pursuits with a man or woman who thinks about what would give them the most sexual pleasure? I think a man or woman who has intellectual pursuits must also have sexual thoughts, our bodies are made that way it's what drives us to the act of procreation, and all men and women do have private thoughts regarding sex that they, themselves, would find that they should be kept private and low key in their life, but there are people, and I admit they are mostly men who put that sexual desire before all other consideration, they are insane with fetishistic fantasies and desires, men and women, but like I said, I agree, mostly men. My argument is: :: It's not the majority of men, certainly not the majority of women, but it exists. My thought is that a world in which men and women who are led by and put their sexual proclivity above all other consideration are not men and women entirely of rational thought. What I believe is the culture of trans identity, is not lead by rational people but by those who seek to put the politics of their fetish before all other consideration. So far I have said "men and women" because I do not believe that anyone young enough to cry because an episode of spongebob ended and they want more, nor anyone who is too young to watch "Curb your Enthusiasm" or anyone whose parent thinks is too young to be wandering around the pubs in the city centre at night, can actually know what they want regarding the rest of their life. The age of consensual sex in the UK is 18 unless there are no pressures such as the partner is in a situation of authority over them, a police officer, a teacher, a social worker, etc, etc etc and then it is 16. My point was not every man or woman puts their hormones before their intelligence. Even if every man and woman is somehow clouded by their sexual desire. Reason v's desire, most people have reason but most perverts only think of their dick. Children being urged to transition is something sex obsessed adults force on them
I’m mostly being hyperbolic, because the topic of sex has become so tiresome, particularly when our society’s over focus on “sex positivity” which is actually incredibly sex negative (catering to dehumanizing and misogynistic visions of sexuality) makes the men who fall victim to it so bad in bed.
I like sex as much as the next woman. I was relieved to discover my enjoyment of sex was not ruined nor diminished by my experience of five years ago, after which I thought I might never have sex again; turns out it wasn’t a problem! (Trusting my male partner, on the other hand, was). It’s fine to like sex.
We’ve made sex into empty calories like fast food, and that’s become a problem: catering to male sexual addiction and female masochistic fixes.
I think the fucked up nature of our sexuality stems mainly from patriarchy. Competing views of sexual exploitation are presented as our only options. Our sex lives will all be much, much better- and our lives in general- once we get past patriarchy. Male sexual fixation and domination is at the heart of the patriarchal project.
I think it takes quite a bit of time for an average person to decolonize their own mind, so the project of changing humanity for the better without resorting to social engineering and then the slide down to fascism is very slow indeed, and also cyclical. If we think we’re going anywhere specific as a species, we’re in for a real surprise. We can go back to the Dark Ages at anytime, or perhaps we’ve never left.
I tend to think that absurdism is the thinking person’s self-help. Optimism is good, too, but if wishful thinking takes over our lives we risk descending into dogma. I find absurdism more fun and uplifting than nihilism. Learning to live with not merely uncertainty but paradox is a skill all of us should acquire in our lives.
In any case, of course sexuality drives a lot of what we do! I think that’s why it’s important we be careful about it, rather than treat it like a nothing, or some commodity. I think it’s also important to purposely look for other avenues to meaning in life, and when thinking of sexuality, to remember the well-being of both ourselves and the others to whom we may be attracted, and to remember the importance of affection and intimacy when considering our personal sexual behavior and also representations of sex and sexuality in the larger culture.
But good luck with any of that happening under the current capitalist paradigm. Intimacy doesn’t sell- bodies do.
wow ! Now that's a post. I get where you are with that because it says things I've never heard or thought before... we've made sex into empty calories... Let me ask you though, how would it even be possible to get beyond patriarch, come on, argue with me in a reasonable way. Just suppose we get to a position where patriarchy is so diminished that the male influence doesnt exist. Let's push it to the boundaries. Is that REALLY what you want?
It might be good for a woman, which from reading you posts I assume you are, but would that be so good for children?
I honestly dont think it would be
Not for some fuddy duddy reason like... Oh children need a firm hand, or boys need a man to show them what being male is all about. No, I dont mean that at all. What I mean is that family Life is a beautiful combination. A man and woman, lead by their hormones, their sense of humour, and their love of fine wine and italian food, fall in love and create a child, and that child's whole life should be guided by what love and reason, wonder, and knowledge a woman can give. It should also be guided by what love and reason, wonder, and knowledge a woman can give. I honestly dont believe that if a child is created it should matter what the childs parents problems are. They should pass on love and knowledge morals and reason
And yes it’s adults doing this to kids. Not letting kids be kids, and figure out their own messy sexuality while trying to help them do so safely (by discussions of sexual health and consent) without imposing adult notions of sexual identity on them is simply one manifestation of our fucked up sexual culture.
Youre a passionate thinker. Fiery, but at the bottom dollar of it, a thinker. I cant reply any more to this thread though because I know, come on admit it, you'll never let me get the last word. We could be here for decades in this thread. Cos I like the last word too
Such a good thread. Just clear and...bloody obvious! It’s so depressing how merrily people like Colm will sacrifice girls’ freedom to serve this new, higher purpose. He must read that thread and know it’s right. That’s what will make it very, very hard for me to forgive him and I need like him when this whole shitshow collapses.
Thank You for sharing this important but depressing article about the shrinking physical world available to adolescence girls.
My daughter is just ten years old, and already I have seen this shrinkage beginning to happen.
She and her friends walk home from school together, and although they might like to think of themselves as too cool for the climbing frames and slides in the playground, this is still where they choose to hangout. A space, as you pointed out, mainly populated by younger kids and their Mothers.
Not a criticism, please dont take it that way, as I REALLY, do not intend it to be ...but are you ok with your 10 year old daughter hanging around in a park without a supervising adult present? Or am I just assuming there isnt one. I mean I can imagine 15 year old girls wanting the freedom to go where they like and getting some freedom to explore a bigger world than their home or adult supervised entertainment, but even if parks have OTHER parents there, arent you worried that nobody cares about your 10 year old daughter quite like you care about her?
Using the toilet at high school was stressful enough... dominant bully girls and dealing with heavy periods. Shudder. Imagine having boys in that mix? I struggled to go to school at certain times of the month as it was. I wouldn't have gone if there wasn't somewhere for girls only to go and do the necessary. It's a barrier to girls going to school in some more deprived countries and providing single sex toilets is seen as progressive and essential to get those girls into school. How dare anyone suggest taking them away in the UK.
Erasing women is the crux of the matter and bullying and harrassing them out of public life or space and along with provision of adequate resourcing and autonomy is absolutely the issue. It deserves significantly more research as women are not mini men have far more things to do and get far less of the resources. Women’s resources, property and bodies etc etc are considered communal property, mens are not. It is a bizarre phenomenon. Is it simply covering up for men’s selfishness and sadism? Or in the interests of women and children as promoted (which is laughable). It seems to me many women are made and kept neglected by men in order to enslave them and to escape this women are literally risking their lives but are usually in mortal danger in any event and open to the same or even worse abuse. Until women get their financial emancipation and support for their children and reproductive labour and contributions paid for and safe services provided women will remain targets and victims of “society”. They’ve monetised time so that’s that. Men have conscious bias to maintain an illusion of themselves they require women to uphold and perform for them. It and this whole men’s sex movement is seriously immature it appears to me to be a whole lot of vain and jealous men and women with arrested development. As most of society does these days to me though. The inequities and inequality is obvious to me (and mathematically easily shown) so I think this is more of the same. “Oops we forgot to ask women/woman” “we forgot to pay women...” and on and in it goes in every sphere....rape culture.
Have you seen on Twitter that tomorrow is supposed to be a "rape day"? Exeter & Portsmouth universities as well as others. Boys setting up WhatsApp groups. I've seen it mentioned a few times now. As @JeanHatchet tweeted, decriminalise rape with low conviction rates and this is what you get. Girls terrified and boys out of control.
Yeah but @jeanhatchet also proposes that Ryan Giggs be cancelled before being found guilty of any charges put before him. Not really a fan of fascism under the banner of any psycho-pseudo-political movement. I believe in reason, law, and justice, not the twitter executioners
The thing is, the majority of girls will never say these things if they know there is some expectation that they don’t. And in the case of allowing men and boys who say they’re women and girls into their private spaces, they know there is.
I’m a woman who has experienced rape on multiple occasions. I would feel incredibly uncomfortable if I found myself alone in a locker room or a small bathroom with a man, particularly a large man; much less alone in a room in a shelter or a prison cell with a man.
We need our refuges. If I feel under threat while cycling, I can stop and go into a women’s restroom. If it’s reasonable a man can follow me in there, that no longer becomes a safe haven. It used to be that going into the women’s restroom really did deter predators. Not so anymore.
It’s sad that I have to say “if I feel under threat while cycling,” because it’s sad that women of reproductive age have to take precautions as if we are always at war. Public space is limited to us- the world is not properly our oyster, no matter how much money we may have (which most of us don’t, since most of the world’s poor are women)- even in our own backyards.
I remember reading about a woman who casually mentioned to a male friend the kinds of precautions women generally take. He was shocked and said it reminded him of his time in the Army. He said the hypervigilance, awareness of exit and entry routes, plans for safety, or carrying of weapons all sounded exactly like soldiers conducting their daily business in a war zone.
It struck me that he was absolutely right, and just how heartbreaking that was. Girls’ worlds narrow.
My heroes have always been the women who take risks anyway. I’m a huge fan of cross-country or intercontinental cycling, and remember reading about a young woman who cycled alone around the world. Such a beautiful story, it almost seems like a fairytale. I want to believe I could be so adventurous and be left alone, be safe. I used to think maybe it had something to do with attitude: if I were open, loving, and not fearful, the bad men would leave me alone. I don’t think this is entirely true though, and I’m sure this young woman had many encounters she never discussed in her blog, and that she probably dedicated quite a bit of mental and physical energy to protecting herself on her journey.
Cat-calling, eve teasing: these are threats about what happens to you if you’re a woman in men’s public space. The public realm is coded male and male only. You become fair game the minute you enter it. As favorite targets, teenage girls are perhaps the most keenly aware of this.
As an adult woman, I also deserve the right to feel safe in vulnerable public places, so that I can participate in public. I have the right to practice female culture without males, too. This is the least society can do to remediate the intensity of sexism and sexual violence aimed at us for being female.
There are women and girls who are too traumatized to be around males in enclosed spaces at all. These laws mean the return to the urinary leash for them.
Why don’t we matter?
Wonderful post, Morrigan. I'm so sorry for the awful things that have happened to you, but so proud of you for finding your courage and strength to carry on. Your post is both illuminating and inspiring. Sending you a gentle 'virtual' huge.
Thanks, Ellen. I just got into an argument with a man on here when I wasn’t even trying to argue 🤣 It’s funny because women are often called weak or frail, but I wonder how many men would survive what so many of us go through? If men had to put up with what we do but still somehow maintained their dominance, how long until women were declared public enemy number one? 🤣
I am actually thinking of switching careers from teaching to counseling, and I hope one day to let everything I’ve experienced make me more compassionate while no longer being the dominant force in my life. It’s unfortunate I’ve had to spend so much mental energy on this, but I always try to find silver linings, and the incredible amount I’ve learned is definitely the main one of all of them.
Thanks so much for your support. ❤️
Colm: "Is anyone actually asking young people what they think?...and if girls say they want their own toilets, is anyone drafting a letter calling on people to deny those girls a voice?"
Colm gives me the absolute creeps. I saw some of his posts on Twitter before he blocked me, he's blocked so many others too. Utterly refuses to listen and seems to have a deep hatred of women and girls, in my view, with no sense of safeguarding for our sex at all, not a single iota. Amnesty are behaving appallingly, but he takes the prize for the biggest misogynistic fecker amongst them. HOW could any man, or woman, EVER assume that young girls would be safe amongst young lads raging with hormones, in such intimate, private spaces as school toilets/showers/changing rooms? Is there something wrong with him that I don't know about? All decent men would be seething at his comments.
Excellent post
I honestly dont think you are going to get 1000's of young boys marching down streets with banners saying "Speak up for freedom by chopping my willy off and/or allowing me to use the girls toilets"
Look, there is reason and there is desire, and truthfully speaking, those who want reason are protecting children from those with the desire to get children interested in sexual politics. the people with reason on their side dont appear to put sexual matters before everything else in their life. Example: how would I define myself -well I tried for a long time, in my youth, to identify by what bands I liked and what books I liked. I tried to find people who liked those things. Then as I got older I tried to find people who were more knowledgeable about the subjects that gave me a living, computer networks and how to build them and fix them, and also I wanted to meet people who were outside of that. I wanted to try my hand at being a musician or a writer, I wished I could meet REAL geniuses like William Gibson and Larry David and Jason Pierce and many others I know exist now . I've never really politicised my penis to the extent that I want others to coalesce around me and acknowledge my sexual thoughts as being politically worthy of legislation. I can hardly bring myself to politicise myself around those kind of thoughts hahahahahaha. In fact it would, I have always thought, be horrible to live in such a world where sexual taboo did not exist.
Why doesnt everyone declare their sexual fantasies as worthy of political protection. Imagine Good Morning Britain with some made up guy - not me, (I swear these arent my fantasies I made them up) but can you imagine some guy on GMB saying "Oh it's just fascism to say that people who want sex with fighter plane jet engines is a pervert" or "we must go after anyone who thinks Hillary Clinton is not a sex goddess". Let's get back to the point. Who do you think is going to want to protect children the most, the guy who admits they find dressing in nappies (daipers) sexually appealing, or some guy who finds that kind of thing fairly unfathomable and possibly hilariously absurd or even disgusting? The guy who politicises free speech and reason, or the guy who politicises his sexual fantasies and the idea that children are able to understand the sexual perversions of adulthood?
An enormous amount of male culture centers around male sexuality- much of it predatory- and this is reflected in what is supposedly female culture but is really for the male gaze, too. The entirety of culture at times seem to be about men’s penises.
It’s BORING. It’s SO BORING.
I’ve been sexually abused a lot. As a result, I’ve had to spend a lot of time trying to get well. It’s EXHAUSTING. It’s SO EXHAUSTING.
We need to be moving AWAY- not towards, AWAY- from making the world about men’s sexual fantasies, FOR GOD’S SAKE. It makes men so FECKING UNINTERESTING.
Then women get carried along with this bullshit too, failing the Bechdel tests in their own lives. B-O-R-I-N-G.
There are so many interesting subjects out there that have nothing to do with humans at all. The universe is AMAZING!
I’m annoyed I’ve had to get hung up on a topic because of the way it’s materially affected my life. I’m annoyed I’ve had to spend so many years dealing with the fallout of male violence I haven’t been able to write all the books I want to write, and now I’ll have limited time and also still be dealing with said fallout. I am more upset about the loss of my own potential than I even am about not having a partner and family as I’d wanted, although now the fact that I feel I must make a choice between the two- because after finally getting well, do I want to spend my forties and fifties raising kids, once again sacrificing all time in my career and writing career- that fact is also infuriating. The sexual violence directed at us with impunity fucks up our lives and NO ONE GIVES A DAMN.
The colonization of our brains with this fucking brain rot, as if boring-ass libertinism which is not the slightest bit transgressive and really is rather sad and comical is the height of fascination, is somehow even WORSE than the instances of violence. It seems like it took my receiving the short end of the stick in this regard to begin to decolonize my own mind and say to myself “this stuff is fucking BORING.”
It’s all SO ANNOYING. My story is only that of all women ever oppressed under patriarchy: stuck dealing with immature men’s stupid bullshit for life, because there’s no escape.
Can we all stop being so self-obsessed as a society and encourage interest in topics other than our stupid sexual interests?
That these men are taking up so much space with their stupid kinks and the world acts as if this is revolutionary is INFURIATING, and if it didn’t affect me, I would just choose not to care, but once again, just as it affects you when you’re going about your daily business and some asshole decides to grab your breasts as many assholes before him have, it DOES affect me!!! What am I supposed to do when some nappy-wearing 6-foot fetishist comes into my private space- not feel bothered? Be okay with feeling anxious or tense all the time? Be okay with my safety being compromised? Be okay with calculating the likely risk to myself of being around sexually fixated males in my private space? Be okay with any of this having to take up my brain space?
These sexual narcissists are so bloody selfish! ARGHHH
Yeah, right, that was what I was saying.
I know, sorry for yelling! Good post.
There are plenty of reasonable men like you, and plenty of unreasonable women. I’d just like to see a move away from focusing on sex at all...there are so many other things in life which are so much more important; and even the importance of sexuality should be understood in relation to the importance of affection, connection and intimacy, and it’s NOT, and that’s ALSO SO ANNOYING.
Okay, I’ll stop ranting now. But I agree with you. I do think men have much more luxury to avoid this stuff if they like, whereas it’s forced on us as women whether we like it or not; it compromises our safety and dictates the material conditions of our lives.
You say some good things here, but let me ask you this: Is it possible to stop men and women focusing on sex? Hormones drive the sex drive. Women arent angels they want sex just as much as men want sex. They enjoy it just as much as men do. My beef is not with what they do with that drive but essentially how far from the true reason for sex that we travel. For example, how can you compare a man or woman who spends their time thinking about their intellectual pursuits with a man or woman who thinks about what would give them the most sexual pleasure? I think a man or woman who has intellectual pursuits must also have sexual thoughts, our bodies are made that way it's what drives us to the act of procreation, and all men and women do have private thoughts regarding sex that they, themselves, would find that they should be kept private and low key in their life, but there are people, and I admit they are mostly men who put that sexual desire before all other consideration, they are insane with fetishistic fantasies and desires, men and women, but like I said, I agree, mostly men. My argument is: :: It's not the majority of men, certainly not the majority of women, but it exists. My thought is that a world in which men and women who are led by and put their sexual proclivity above all other consideration are not men and women entirely of rational thought. What I believe is the culture of trans identity, is not lead by rational people but by those who seek to put the politics of their fetish before all other consideration. So far I have said "men and women" because I do not believe that anyone young enough to cry because an episode of spongebob ended and they want more, nor anyone who is too young to watch "Curb your Enthusiasm" or anyone whose parent thinks is too young to be wandering around the pubs in the city centre at night, can actually know what they want regarding the rest of their life. The age of consensual sex in the UK is 18 unless there are no pressures such as the partner is in a situation of authority over them, a police officer, a teacher, a social worker, etc, etc etc and then it is 16. My point was not every man or woman puts their hormones before their intelligence. Even if every man and woman is somehow clouded by their sexual desire. Reason v's desire, most people have reason but most perverts only think of their dick. Children being urged to transition is something sex obsessed adults force on them
I’m mostly being hyperbolic, because the topic of sex has become so tiresome, particularly when our society’s over focus on “sex positivity” which is actually incredibly sex negative (catering to dehumanizing and misogynistic visions of sexuality) makes the men who fall victim to it so bad in bed.
I like sex as much as the next woman. I was relieved to discover my enjoyment of sex was not ruined nor diminished by my experience of five years ago, after which I thought I might never have sex again; turns out it wasn’t a problem! (Trusting my male partner, on the other hand, was). It’s fine to like sex.
We’ve made sex into empty calories like fast food, and that’s become a problem: catering to male sexual addiction and female masochistic fixes.
I think the fucked up nature of our sexuality stems mainly from patriarchy. Competing views of sexual exploitation are presented as our only options. Our sex lives will all be much, much better- and our lives in general- once we get past patriarchy. Male sexual fixation and domination is at the heart of the patriarchal project.
I think it takes quite a bit of time for an average person to decolonize their own mind, so the project of changing humanity for the better without resorting to social engineering and then the slide down to fascism is very slow indeed, and also cyclical. If we think we’re going anywhere specific as a species, we’re in for a real surprise. We can go back to the Dark Ages at anytime, or perhaps we’ve never left.
I tend to think that absurdism is the thinking person’s self-help. Optimism is good, too, but if wishful thinking takes over our lives we risk descending into dogma. I find absurdism more fun and uplifting than nihilism. Learning to live with not merely uncertainty but paradox is a skill all of us should acquire in our lives.
In any case, of course sexuality drives a lot of what we do! I think that’s why it’s important we be careful about it, rather than treat it like a nothing, or some commodity. I think it’s also important to purposely look for other avenues to meaning in life, and when thinking of sexuality, to remember the well-being of both ourselves and the others to whom we may be attracted, and to remember the importance of affection and intimacy when considering our personal sexual behavior and also representations of sex and sexuality in the larger culture.
But good luck with any of that happening under the current capitalist paradigm. Intimacy doesn’t sell- bodies do.
wow ! Now that's a post. I get where you are with that because it says things I've never heard or thought before... we've made sex into empty calories... Let me ask you though, how would it even be possible to get beyond patriarch, come on, argue with me in a reasonable way. Just suppose we get to a position where patriarchy is so diminished that the male influence doesnt exist. Let's push it to the boundaries. Is that REALLY what you want?
It might be good for a woman, which from reading you posts I assume you are, but would that be so good for children?
I honestly dont think it would be
Not for some fuddy duddy reason like... Oh children need a firm hand, or boys need a man to show them what being male is all about. No, I dont mean that at all. What I mean is that family Life is a beautiful combination. A man and woman, lead by their hormones, their sense of humour, and their love of fine wine and italian food, fall in love and create a child, and that child's whole life should be guided by what love and reason, wonder, and knowledge a woman can give. It should also be guided by what love and reason, wonder, and knowledge a woman can give. I honestly dont believe that if a child is created it should matter what the childs parents problems are. They should pass on love and knowledge morals and reason
And yes it’s adults doing this to kids. Not letting kids be kids, and figure out their own messy sexuality while trying to help them do so safely (by discussions of sexual health and consent) without imposing adult notions of sexual identity on them is simply one manifestation of our fucked up sexual culture.
Youre a passionate thinker. Fiery, but at the bottom dollar of it, a thinker. I cant reply any more to this thread though because I know, come on admit it, you'll never let me get the last word. We could be here for decades in this thread. Cos I like the last word too
A lot of this came from LGB making sexuality a political identity and shaming anyone naturally revulsed by gay sex. That was a mistake.
Such a good thread. Just clear and...bloody obvious! It’s so depressing how merrily people like Colm will sacrifice girls’ freedom to serve this new, higher purpose. He must read that thread and know it’s right. That’s what will make it very, very hard for me to forgive him and I need like him when this whole shitshow collapses.
Colm O'Gorman: What do you think, actual young people?
Numerous young people: Watch out - it's that creepy MRA!
The best question to ask of anything in all areas is “whose needs are being met here?”. That usually exposes most things.
Thank You for sharing this important but depressing article about the shrinking physical world available to adolescence girls.
My daughter is just ten years old, and already I have seen this shrinkage beginning to happen.
She and her friends walk home from school together, and although they might like to think of themselves as too cool for the climbing frames and slides in the playground, this is still where they choose to hangout. A space, as you pointed out, mainly populated by younger kids and their Mothers.
Not a criticism, please dont take it that way, as I REALLY, do not intend it to be ...but are you ok with your 10 year old daughter hanging around in a park without a supervising adult present? Or am I just assuming there isnt one. I mean I can imagine 15 year old girls wanting the freedom to go where they like and getting some freedom to explore a bigger world than their home or adult supervised entertainment, but even if parks have OTHER parents there, arent you worried that nobody cares about your 10 year old daughter quite like you care about her?
Its mental that he thinks its okay for girls as young as 13 to share a space with 18 year old men and they won't be bathrooms they'll be toilets.
Using the toilet at high school was stressful enough... dominant bully girls and dealing with heavy periods. Shudder. Imagine having boys in that mix? I struggled to go to school at certain times of the month as it was. I wouldn't have gone if there wasn't somewhere for girls only to go and do the necessary. It's a barrier to girls going to school in some more deprived countries and providing single sex toilets is seen as progressive and essential to get those girls into school. How dare anyone suggest taking them away in the UK.
Erasing women is the crux of the matter and bullying and harrassing them out of public life or space and along with provision of adequate resourcing and autonomy is absolutely the issue. It deserves significantly more research as women are not mini men have far more things to do and get far less of the resources. Women’s resources, property and bodies etc etc are considered communal property, mens are not. It is a bizarre phenomenon. Is it simply covering up for men’s selfishness and sadism? Or in the interests of women and children as promoted (which is laughable). It seems to me many women are made and kept neglected by men in order to enslave them and to escape this women are literally risking their lives but are usually in mortal danger in any event and open to the same or even worse abuse. Until women get their financial emancipation and support for their children and reproductive labour and contributions paid for and safe services provided women will remain targets and victims of “society”. They’ve monetised time so that’s that. Men have conscious bias to maintain an illusion of themselves they require women to uphold and perform for them. It and this whole men’s sex movement is seriously immature it appears to me to be a whole lot of vain and jealous men and women with arrested development. As most of society does these days to me though. The inequities and inequality is obvious to me (and mathematically easily shown) so I think this is more of the same. “Oops we forgot to ask women/woman” “we forgot to pay women...” and on and in it goes in every sphere....rape culture.
Have you seen on Twitter that tomorrow is supposed to be a "rape day"? Exeter & Portsmouth universities as well as others. Boys setting up WhatsApp groups. I've seen it mentioned a few times now. As @JeanHatchet tweeted, decriminalise rape with low conviction rates and this is what you get. Girls terrified and boys out of control.
What the hell?
(Sorry for it being The Sun) https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/14734982/cops-probe-national-rape-day-tik-tok-rumours/
Yeah but @jeanhatchet also proposes that Ryan Giggs be cancelled before being found guilty of any charges put before him. Not really a fan of fascism under the banner of any psycho-pseudo-political movement. I believe in reason, law, and justice, not the twitter executioners