Is Eddie Izzard a lesbian?

Girl mode? You're 58 years old, man.

Alright, everyone, let’s get out there and start asking our favourite celebrities the following question: “Is Eddie Izzard a lesbian?”.

Ask everyone you can think of, from intellectuals like Jameela Jamil and Frankie Boyle all the way across to such LGBT giants as Michael Cashman and Linda Riley. Let’s get people on the record as saying that Eddie Izzard is a lesbian.

Because by now I think more and more people are waking up to the fact that, yes, this is literally what is being proposed. It is why lesbians have been lying down in front of Pride Marches and such. It’s why Maya Forstater lost her job. It’s why there are branches of the LGB Alliance opening all over the world, despite the fact that it’s not easy being a branch of the LGB Alliance, with the BBC, for example, unable to make up its mind whether they’re a hate group or not, in part because they never seem to find the time to speak to them.

I spoke to them. I got an exclusive because the BBC likes to play along with the idea that two older lesbians who fought Section 28 are the reincarnation of Hitler’s inner circle.

In the informational vacuum created by the BBC’s lack of curiosity—which I believe is both strategic and also the result of a great amount of fear in that organisation— Bev and Kate and many other gay women and men like them get casually vilified by the likes of Colm O’Gorman, who even signed a letter calling for an end to any political representation for women like them.

And what makes them so untouchably evil, according to this man, the head of Amnesty Ireland?

Quite simply, they are gay men and women who dare exclude straight male transvestites from their list of concerns.

Well, Colm, let’s get you on the record before anyone else. Is Eddie Izzard a lesbian?

Be careful, now. You’re either about to disprove the rumours of historical rancour between gay men and lesbians, or forever be known as the man who embodied them. But then, you’ve been smearing lesbians like Lauren and Ceri for a good while now, so many would say you’ve already planted your flag.

(By the way, no need to watch either of these videos in full. Just a few minutes will show you the disgraceful, lazy, cynical opportunism of calling these women hateful).

But of course, it’s not just Colm. It’s currently de rigeur among Twitter’s blue checkmark set to call the LGB Alliance a hate group. Their crime? They don’t believe that Eddie Izzard—and the many other crossdressing men like him currently claiming trans status— are the same sex as they are.

“Is Eddie Izzard a lesbian?” Ask them the question. Let’s see if they can go that far. Let’s see if they dare go on the record saying such a disgraceful, homophobic thing. Let’s see how long they will play along with a sick joke by Eddie that erases the reality of women, and lesbians in particular, in the most careless, reckless, selfish manner.

Eddie, with respect, you’re not a lesbian. That’s homophobic and sexist and I’m sure you don’t want to be homophobic or sexist, no matter how many people are currently telling you that you’re stunning and brave, such as the famously ethical and rigorous Pink News.

Or, more hilariously, comedians like Mark Steel, with this absolute howler.

(Talk about having it both ways! “He’s definitely a woman. But me and Eddie are just football mates anyway. Can we talk about something else?”)

So, we can get Mark’s answer, and Frankie Boyle’s answer, and Colm O’Gorman’s answer, and Jon Ronson’s answer, and Michael Cashman’s answer and we can put them in a beautifully presented book, sell it at Easter and give all the proceeds to Mermaids. Surely they wouldn’t miss an opportunity to raise funds for this entirely copper-bottomed charity enterprise!

This is not just some ‘Brass Eye’ prank. People are losing their livelihoods over this question. And if the answer is yes, the implications are grave for women.

If Eddie is a lesbian, it means that women who request female clinicians for intimate procedures are bigots.

If Eddie is a lesbian, it means that female athletes who don’t want to compete against males are hateful.

If Eddie is a lesbian, it means that Laurel Hubbard is a Female Super-Heavyweight Champion.

If Eddie is a lesbian, it means that rape crisis centres, where the most vulnerable woman imaginable are trying to recover, must now admit men.

If Eddie is a lesbian, we are telling young women, like the ones in Eddie’s oddly-framed story of Eddie-empowerment here, that they may no longer claim the right to defend their boundaries and their spaces from men.

If Eddie is a lesbian, beauticians will be obliged to wax “female balls.

If Eddie is a lesbian, it means that should he ever rise to the very top of the Labour Party, he would officially be the Labour Party’s first-ever female leader. Get your head around that one.

Now there are many people who have not taken a view on this matter, and with good reason--Matthew Holness has just suffered several days of harassment simply because trans rights activists thought he and I were mates--but anyone who has placed their bet, anyone who has smeared the LGB Alliance and JK Rowling and myself and others as bigots and worse, they need to answer the question, and they need to answer it with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’. 

Ask it, keep asking it.

Let’s see how far fashionable homophobia has embedded itself in society.

Get them on the record.