Anime comes from rather misogynist Japan where attraction to young girls is not seen as dodgy. As a person endowed with a generous nose, I've always found their drawings rather crap - although I do love Spirited Away and Howl's Moving Castle from studio Ghibli. Still, I'm always suspicious of people who put a cartoon photo instead of one of their faces on social media, whether they be trans or not. Somehow, you can't help but feel they're hiding something nasty.
The big problem is where people seem to put as much value to their avatars as to their real person. It's just strange to an older person like me.
About attraction to young girls not being seen as dodgy in Japan, is anyone else creeped out by paedophilic vibes from the BBC's Olympics trailer? Those sexily gyrating girl 'athletes' (zero athletic strength, from the look of them) mutating into sexy school-uniform-type dancing girls with childlike high voices? Plus pink and blue everywhere...
Well, I just googled and one source of course says the music and big-eyed child-girls are from anime.
PS Contrast these weak, sexualised, glitter-fantasy girlies (representing The Olympics FFS!?!) with the actual female athletes.
The mixed-sex triathlon last night was a joy. Couldn't stop watching – after midnight, more than 80 minutes. Dozens of amazingly strong, multiply capable women athletes (the real kind, and none looking like Kardashians/drag queens, strangely...) partnered in equal value with their male teammates, the two sexes of humankind unaffectedly showing their stuff in physical and mental strength, endurance, teamwork. Parallel capabilities given equal value, finally out there for all to see and take on board. Brilliant.
And then the hideous trailer comes on again. What were they thinking?!
Who defines gender? who imposes gender? why do people think they have to accept gender definitions? why do some boys think toxic masculinity is the way to go? or girls who think you have to flaunt your sexuality to get a boy?
Most gender stereotypes come from the media? question it! Find positive role models.
I think the anime thing is especially a draw for awkward, often autistic boys, and helps explain why so many programmers end up transitioning.
As an example, my ex-bf is in his forties and comes from Italy. Apparently, in Italy they broadcast anime when he was growing up, and he’s loved anime ever since. When we were together, he confessed to me that he wished he were a woman, thought of us as being in a lesbian relationship, only plays female video game avatars (he also loves video games- not shoot ‘me ups or gross overly sexualized ones, more cerebral ones), he’s very much into fantasy stories as well and Star Wars etc., and he several times said he wished he could wear women’s clothes but has “this body” (his 6’2, lanky male body). He also implied he might be okay with dating a “feminine person” (ie, surgically altered to have breasts) with a penis. This is not someone that I ever knew to watch porn at all.
I simply do not understand this…I have no interest in surgically altered bodies at all (it’s hard to think of a bigger turnoff; I’d have to really like the person in order to overcome that). I tried to be understanding, as this was a very personal revelation, but I also couldn’t understand why he saw himself as a woman. He was one of the most typical male nerdy types I’ve ever known.
He’s a programmer who is into video games and Star Wars, and is not very good with people, emotions, empathy, or social cues. In what way is he like any sort of stereotype or tendency of a woman? He’s also not effeminate in the slightest.
He didn’t seem to have any desire to act on this desire, which I think is for the best, and probably also common. He was not interested in actually wearing women’s clothing, or anything like that (which, I can’t help, but it would also have been an immediate turnoff to me…not because I don’t like gender nonconforming men, but because when men do that, they tend to dress up as hyper sexual caricatures of women, an enormous turnoff…I don’t even wear lingerie! I absolutely hate wearing a bra, even. So it would just be too weird for me, and I think that’s okay).
When he writes fiction, he writes from the female point of view. When he draws, he often draws big-eyed anime girl characters. I was surprised to find this has been a thing for so long, and all over the world. I was hesitant about him at the beginning because of this to be honest (now wish I’d listened to that hesitation…I think it bespoke more of a general immaturity than anything else).
I found it interesting he always played female video game characters, if they were available. He told me he often dreamed of being a woman as well.
I could not understand where this idea of himself as feminine came from. He seemed to me an absolutely normal straight guy, not in the least bit effeminate, as I said, with extremely typical male interests.
I think he is in the autistic spectrum, and it was the untreated nature of this which led to our breakup. He needed help to learn how to be a good partner to someone, to navigate social cues, and also for his accompanying depression and anxiety.
But it strikes me that his autism is part of the reason he relates so much to women. Even though he’s very typically masculine to me in so many ways- he gets very grumpy, has a temper at times, and when upset reminded me of a teenage boy- he also is a gentle soul, and not at all interested in typical alpha male activities like sports, aggression, etc. I’m sure he was picked on growing up for being shy, quiet, introverted, and preferring the company of girls.
I’ve met other extremely sweet-natured young men who seem to transition because they don’t relate to what a man is supposed to be, and internalize that- not out of any actual effeminacy whatsoever. I don’t think *all* of them are into sissy porn, or doing it because of porn. Many struck me as really nice, kind, non-deviant individuals. It just seems like they relate to women more; they just like women more.
It’s really sad that because we live in a heterosexually but homosocially normative society, in which men are supposed to objectify women but not really like them as people, preferring instead to bond with their bros, that men who want to be friends with women more and don’t relate to their male peers may come to *actually think they are women* as a result.
I agree with the author that a wistful desire to be as free and happy as some anime girl is a part of the fantasy- and that men considered “beta” or “unmasculine” instead of showing their soft selves become mopey and closed off, sort of sullen and robotic, without emotion, or constantly joking to avoid emotion, or some combination. My ex is exactly like this.
I think this is particularly hard for boys with autism, who already have trouble processing and understanding emotion, and tend to be much more literal about things like gender roles. They might internalize some idea as children that they are not really boys at all, because they don’t act like boys are supposed to (the same for autistic tomboy girls).
I think it’s really, really sad. For someone who wants to embrace emotion, my ex is remarkably emotionally stymied. He did turn into someone completely unable to process and deal with strong emotion, which unfortunately caused him to treat me badly, although I know he did not mean to. I feel very sorry for him- and this is a process that boys go through in childhood. Girls on the other hand are taught to stifle rambunctiousness and never to express anger (this was something that messed *me* up quite a bit, as I’m naturally rambunctious and temperamental; I was and to some extent still always in trouble).
We really need to have a total rehaul of how we teach children (and adults!) about processing and talking about emotions, and we need to do away with gender roles entirely. I could definitely see for my former partner that anime and playing the feminine role in video games became a kind of fantasy outlet for him, one he could not have in his daily life, in which he works constantly, in a masculine role, and has trained himself over time to never express emotion, or the softer side of himself (it’s made him extremely fragile, ironically; if you suppress your tender side constantly because of past backlash, it makes you very hesitant to be vulnerable with a partner, and very prone to emotionally close off at the first sign of conflict; it makes a person emotionally fragile).
I think it’s all so sad!!!
I know that was very personal, hopefully not enough information to track someone down, but I felt it related to this article. Great article, and very insightful.
Sorry about typos as always (on phone)- I wanted to add that I have another, extremely typically male nerd friend (into Star Wars, D&D, owns a katana, crushes on stereotypical manic pixie dream girls), who ALSO thinks he might be a woman, or began questioning if he’s a woman when all this gender identity stuff began…and he’s also neurodivergent!! And he also works in a highly technical field.
There is definitely a trend here. Anime is just part of the package, but not always present. There’s a trend of neurodivergent straight male nerds who think they must be women because they like women so much, and often prefer the company of women to men!! (And maybe because they wish to be like what it is they love about women- so open, loving, mind, empathetic, good listeners, compassionate, emotional…they think of those as “feminine” qualities, and take it very literally. They’re also turned on by women and so may incorporate that into the fantasy, especially if they have any stirrings of AGP).
This is a really interesting phenomenon which I hope someone is studying!
You know, I was thinking about deleting this comment, because it’s very personal.
However, i think it’s important to inject a little humanity into this conversation- which this article also does so well.
I think it’s possible that even in the worst sort of caricature of a man who fetishizes women, they may believe it’s coming from a place of loving women - mixed in with resentment (which is another typical male thing of men who have low self-esteem- often used to feeling different- as masculine culture makes them feel). I notice this resentment mixed with awkwardness and shame, and sometimes sweetness, in a lot of shy and awkward men. And many of them love girls and relate to them better (in the case of my other nerdy friend, he has trouble romantically because of his hang ups, but is a very sweet man; most of his friends happen to be beautiful women- because they find him safe and unthreatening- all of whom at one time or another he’s been in love with). I think he struggles with the idea even sexually of “being the man.” (My mother spoke of a very sensitive young Arabic man she knew like that; he had hang ups about sex because he felt penetration was inherently in some way violating, and was too shy and reverent to “hurt” women). That’s of course AI extreme, but I knew another young trans-identified man who was very kind, and again, though straight, so alienated from his male peers he decided he was a woman. I’ve actually known several very kind heterosexual trans women, none of whom are effeminate (as homosexual transgender women are) at all; and it strikes me they are this type- shy in some way, and relate more to women; and take that to heart, to mean some essence, because they feel so different from how they’re “supposed” to be (even if they come across to women as stereotypically masculine, in a nerdy shy way, which to me is just a variant of guy, often cute, and much less likely to be a jerk).
My former partner I think was attracted to “femininity” (and actually that has been postulated as an orientation- but I think it’s socially created), because he is attracted to the soft, kind vision of women, regardless of any other factor (whether they were born women or not)- that’s what I got from that. That’s socially enculturated, but also not a gross view of women, either.
However, what struck me as the crux of the issue with him, and also with my other friend (and another friend remarked the same to me) is that they fantasize a lot. They sort of idealize a perfect feminine creature in their minds- the perfect fantasy girl or woman, based a lot on boyhood imprinting, I think- and it makes it more difficult for them to engage with and appreciate the real women in their lives, who may not always been so femininely accommodating (which they may know in theory but still expect), or so delicate, small, childlike, whimsical, etc.- whatever the ideal they have built in their mind (some men fantasize about an unrealistically badass woman, which is equally a fantasy, rather than seeing women as messy, fallible, complex human beings). I know women do this too, especially now kids spend all their time online (this the rise of the fujoshis), but men, according to every study every conducted, are far more prone to having fetishes (which really are just constructing fantasies).
So I don’t think it’s always coming from a place of malice or narcissism or ill intent, even if it sometimes (especially with young men and with older men who have “held in the fantasy” for so many years- and it makes sense men with serious autogynephila also get upset by reminders of their partner’s female biology that they desire, such as pregnancy or even menopause; these men who are so wrapped up in it- not just mostly harmlessly fantasizing - need help, I think, not transition) gets wrapped up in resentment, horniness and sexuality; and I say “mostly harmlessly” because, even if not ill-intentioned, from that same socialization arises a certain sexism in how they see women, which in the end, despite how much they like us, and despite how much they want to, makes it difficult in the end in some ways to truly relate to us, and listen to us…I think it’s important for every man who has a feminine self-image to really try to unpack his own sexism, his own socialization, to try to understand why it is he feels that way, and how we feel about this fantasy identification…if it’s interfering in his real life relationships (at the least) or in his empathy for women (at the most).
Thanks for so much telling detail, I agree with everything you observe and have seen the same kinds of things in all the autism spectrum young people I know who've ended up trans-identified.
Yaoi is an influence on girls in these ways, which needs to be better recognised. They get led toward re-envisioning themselves as 'gay bois', instead of simply male-attracted (whether bi- or het-) autistic of otherwise outlier girls.
Firstly, a disclaimer: I've seen very little anime, and the bits I've seen strike me as puerile, childish, and badly drawn/animated.
Having said that, I'm going to take some issue with the assertion in the article that it is men that play a major part in the masculinisation of boys. It seems to me that both in terms of time spent and direct interaction with children, women are probably more influential. I have seen far more gender-based reinforcement of behaviour from mothers, grandmother's, health visitors, child-minders, nursery staff, and female teachers, nurses, and doctors than I have from men. That doesn't mean to say that men don't do it, but the influence of women shouldn't be underestimated.
My wife and I have been fighting a running battle withother women who are determined to fit our children into certain gender roles. I'm interested in whether others have seen the same phenomenon.
I agree. Both sets of parents and others can put great gender conforming pressure on their children.
At first, I thought gender non conforming was great in removing these societal pressures on boys and girls but even this good idea has been hijacked by misogynists and benefits only men who can tread all over women's rights. On top of that, pressure on girls to be feminine, girly and sexy is reinforced, by crap Japanese anime, Disney princesses and far too many female (ex Disney) pop stars.
But, interestingly, women online have written about knowing men raised in all-female environments and how different they are from other men. I would say that an all-female household could be quite a contrast to the usual heterosexual home. My husband for example was taught by his father to disrespect women, to scoff at what they have to say, to think himself superior to nearly everyone, and to function essentially as an appendage of his father. (Whom I call Father Jack!)
I think it's probably worse now, Shirley, but there was plenty of pressure when I was in school to conform. But how could I? My parents were left-wing radicals, we ate whole foods (which no one else did), black and Jewish friends came to our house, and at an early age I began to watch the conformists and found they were often miserable.
I agree there are plenty of women reinforcing stereotyped behaviour too. What I have observed also is women who really don’t like it, but are scared of their son being bullied by other boys for not conforming, so encourage more ‘masculine’ expression once they go to school.
I wonder that is what's going on with my friend's transwoman husband. Maybe gender roles caused him to repress the things he enjoyed as a boy so it's manifesting in this way.
Until he began transition he was talking about beer festivals, football and metal music. Now it's all cutesy anime.
I said this years ago about the military he-men who decide they're really female. They cannot conceive of being male and not charging around being hyper-masculine. But their notions of femininity do not include all the things they expect women to do for them: be emotionally nurturing, care for their physical needs, center them constantly. So their so-called femininity just becomes another element to be catered to and babied. I don't know if I've ever met a truly grownup human male.
On the formation-through-interaction in early years I think Dale Spender (Man Made Language) did a lot of pioneers research - recording people’s responses to a baby in blue (isn’t he strong?) v baby in pink (isn’t she cute?) - but it was the same baby.
Projection makes a lot of sense. We typically project the least acceptable parts of ourselves onto others. If there's no room in your definition of maleness for tenderness, receptivity, or vulnerability it makes sense it would need to be projected outwards onto females. It further makes sense why these qualities would also need to be sexualized to make them somehow acceptable.
It also makes sense misogynists would be aggressive towards women who simultaneously embody everything they want and also hate inside of themselves and why they'd act like we were 'privileged' for being female. This also seems to explain the emotional arrest that occurs in many men in which they don't develop past infants or toddlers and thus take zero responsibility for their own personal development and fulfillment.
Makes a lot of sense -- still angering though and as the author said, women are not responsible for this crap.
That's a very interesting analysis. agree that we must get rid of these gender stereotypes--they are strangling both our daughters and our sons!
Anime comes from rather misogynist Japan where attraction to young girls is not seen as dodgy. As a person endowed with a generous nose, I've always found their drawings rather crap - although I do love Spirited Away and Howl's Moving Castle from studio Ghibli. Still, I'm always suspicious of people who put a cartoon photo instead of one of their faces on social media, whether they be trans or not. Somehow, you can't help but feel they're hiding something nasty.
The big problem is where people seem to put as much value to their avatars as to their real person. It's just strange to an older person like me.
About attraction to young girls not being seen as dodgy in Japan, is anyone else creeped out by paedophilic vibes from the BBC's Olympics trailer? Those sexily gyrating girl 'athletes' (zero athletic strength, from the look of them) mutating into sexy school-uniform-type dancing girls with childlike high voices? Plus pink and blue everywhere...
Well, I just googled and one source of course says the music and big-eyed child-girls are from anime.
PS Contrast these weak, sexualised, glitter-fantasy girlies (representing The Olympics FFS!?!) with the actual female athletes.
The mixed-sex triathlon last night was a joy. Couldn't stop watching – after midnight, more than 80 minutes. Dozens of amazingly strong, multiply capable women athletes (the real kind, and none looking like Kardashians/drag queens, strangely...) partnered in equal value with their male teammates, the two sexes of humankind unaffectedly showing their stuff in physical and mental strength, endurance, teamwork. Parallel capabilities given equal value, finally out there for all to see and take on board. Brilliant.
And then the hideous trailer comes on again. What were they thinking?!
I've always hated the anime style of art since I was a child. Utter shite!
I saw a documentary decades ago on anime and I remember thinking perverted. This sums it up well.
10 Times Anime Normalized Extremely Questionable Acts (Which You Never Realized)
Anime is loved by millions but it also has its problematic moments & features. Here's a look at 10 times anime normalized extremely questionable acts!
https://www.cbr.com/anime-extremely-questionable-acts/
Who defines gender? who imposes gender? why do people think they have to accept gender definitions? why do some boys think toxic masculinity is the way to go? or girls who think you have to flaunt your sexuality to get a boy?
Most gender stereotypes come from the media? question it! Find positive role models.
I think the anime thing is especially a draw for awkward, often autistic boys, and helps explain why so many programmers end up transitioning.
As an example, my ex-bf is in his forties and comes from Italy. Apparently, in Italy they broadcast anime when he was growing up, and he’s loved anime ever since. When we were together, he confessed to me that he wished he were a woman, thought of us as being in a lesbian relationship, only plays female video game avatars (he also loves video games- not shoot ‘me ups or gross overly sexualized ones, more cerebral ones), he’s very much into fantasy stories as well and Star Wars etc., and he several times said he wished he could wear women’s clothes but has “this body” (his 6’2, lanky male body). He also implied he might be okay with dating a “feminine person” (ie, surgically altered to have breasts) with a penis. This is not someone that I ever knew to watch porn at all.
I simply do not understand this…I have no interest in surgically altered bodies at all (it’s hard to think of a bigger turnoff; I’d have to really like the person in order to overcome that). I tried to be understanding, as this was a very personal revelation, but I also couldn’t understand why he saw himself as a woman. He was one of the most typical male nerdy types I’ve ever known.
He’s a programmer who is into video games and Star Wars, and is not very good with people, emotions, empathy, or social cues. In what way is he like any sort of stereotype or tendency of a woman? He’s also not effeminate in the slightest.
He didn’t seem to have any desire to act on this desire, which I think is for the best, and probably also common. He was not interested in actually wearing women’s clothing, or anything like that (which, I can’t help, but it would also have been an immediate turnoff to me…not because I don’t like gender nonconforming men, but because when men do that, they tend to dress up as hyper sexual caricatures of women, an enormous turnoff…I don’t even wear lingerie! I absolutely hate wearing a bra, even. So it would just be too weird for me, and I think that’s okay).
When he writes fiction, he writes from the female point of view. When he draws, he often draws big-eyed anime girl characters. I was surprised to find this has been a thing for so long, and all over the world. I was hesitant about him at the beginning because of this to be honest (now wish I’d listened to that hesitation…I think it bespoke more of a general immaturity than anything else).
I found it interesting he always played female video game characters, if they were available. He told me he often dreamed of being a woman as well.
I could not understand where this idea of himself as feminine came from. He seemed to me an absolutely normal straight guy, not in the least bit effeminate, as I said, with extremely typical male interests.
I think he is in the autistic spectrum, and it was the untreated nature of this which led to our breakup. He needed help to learn how to be a good partner to someone, to navigate social cues, and also for his accompanying depression and anxiety.
But it strikes me that his autism is part of the reason he relates so much to women. Even though he’s very typically masculine to me in so many ways- he gets very grumpy, has a temper at times, and when upset reminded me of a teenage boy- he also is a gentle soul, and not at all interested in typical alpha male activities like sports, aggression, etc. I’m sure he was picked on growing up for being shy, quiet, introverted, and preferring the company of girls.
I’ve met other extremely sweet-natured young men who seem to transition because they don’t relate to what a man is supposed to be, and internalize that- not out of any actual effeminacy whatsoever. I don’t think *all* of them are into sissy porn, or doing it because of porn. Many struck me as really nice, kind, non-deviant individuals. It just seems like they relate to women more; they just like women more.
It’s really sad that because we live in a heterosexually but homosocially normative society, in which men are supposed to objectify women but not really like them as people, preferring instead to bond with their bros, that men who want to be friends with women more and don’t relate to their male peers may come to *actually think they are women* as a result.
I agree with the author that a wistful desire to be as free and happy as some anime girl is a part of the fantasy- and that men considered “beta” or “unmasculine” instead of showing their soft selves become mopey and closed off, sort of sullen and robotic, without emotion, or constantly joking to avoid emotion, or some combination. My ex is exactly like this.
I think this is particularly hard for boys with autism, who already have trouble processing and understanding emotion, and tend to be much more literal about things like gender roles. They might internalize some idea as children that they are not really boys at all, because they don’t act like boys are supposed to (the same for autistic tomboy girls).
I think it’s really, really sad. For someone who wants to embrace emotion, my ex is remarkably emotionally stymied. He did turn into someone completely unable to process and deal with strong emotion, which unfortunately caused him to treat me badly, although I know he did not mean to. I feel very sorry for him- and this is a process that boys go through in childhood. Girls on the other hand are taught to stifle rambunctiousness and never to express anger (this was something that messed *me* up quite a bit, as I’m naturally rambunctious and temperamental; I was and to some extent still always in trouble).
We really need to have a total rehaul of how we teach children (and adults!) about processing and talking about emotions, and we need to do away with gender roles entirely. I could definitely see for my former partner that anime and playing the feminine role in video games became a kind of fantasy outlet for him, one he could not have in his daily life, in which he works constantly, in a masculine role, and has trained himself over time to never express emotion, or the softer side of himself (it’s made him extremely fragile, ironically; if you suppress your tender side constantly because of past backlash, it makes you very hesitant to be vulnerable with a partner, and very prone to emotionally close off at the first sign of conflict; it makes a person emotionally fragile).
I think it’s all so sad!!!
I know that was very personal, hopefully not enough information to track someone down, but I felt it related to this article. Great article, and very insightful.
Sorry about typos as always (on phone)- I wanted to add that I have another, extremely typically male nerd friend (into Star Wars, D&D, owns a katana, crushes on stereotypical manic pixie dream girls), who ALSO thinks he might be a woman, or began questioning if he’s a woman when all this gender identity stuff began…and he’s also neurodivergent!! And he also works in a highly technical field.
There is definitely a trend here. Anime is just part of the package, but not always present. There’s a trend of neurodivergent straight male nerds who think they must be women because they like women so much, and often prefer the company of women to men!! (And maybe because they wish to be like what it is they love about women- so open, loving, mind, empathetic, good listeners, compassionate, emotional…they think of those as “feminine” qualities, and take it very literally. They’re also turned on by women and so may incorporate that into the fantasy, especially if they have any stirrings of AGP).
This is a really interesting phenomenon which I hope someone is studying!
No need to apologise, you wrote quite eloquently. I certainly agreed with everything.
You know, I was thinking about deleting this comment, because it’s very personal.
However, i think it’s important to inject a little humanity into this conversation- which this article also does so well.
I think it’s possible that even in the worst sort of caricature of a man who fetishizes women, they may believe it’s coming from a place of loving women - mixed in with resentment (which is another typical male thing of men who have low self-esteem- often used to feeling different- as masculine culture makes them feel). I notice this resentment mixed with awkwardness and shame, and sometimes sweetness, in a lot of shy and awkward men. And many of them love girls and relate to them better (in the case of my other nerdy friend, he has trouble romantically because of his hang ups, but is a very sweet man; most of his friends happen to be beautiful women- because they find him safe and unthreatening- all of whom at one time or another he’s been in love with). I think he struggles with the idea even sexually of “being the man.” (My mother spoke of a very sensitive young Arabic man she knew like that; he had hang ups about sex because he felt penetration was inherently in some way violating, and was too shy and reverent to “hurt” women). That’s of course AI extreme, but I knew another young trans-identified man who was very kind, and again, though straight, so alienated from his male peers he decided he was a woman. I’ve actually known several very kind heterosexual trans women, none of whom are effeminate (as homosexual transgender women are) at all; and it strikes me they are this type- shy in some way, and relate more to women; and take that to heart, to mean some essence, because they feel so different from how they’re “supposed” to be (even if they come across to women as stereotypically masculine, in a nerdy shy way, which to me is just a variant of guy, often cute, and much less likely to be a jerk).
My former partner I think was attracted to “femininity” (and actually that has been postulated as an orientation- but I think it’s socially created), because he is attracted to the soft, kind vision of women, regardless of any other factor (whether they were born women or not)- that’s what I got from that. That’s socially enculturated, but also not a gross view of women, either.
However, what struck me as the crux of the issue with him, and also with my other friend (and another friend remarked the same to me) is that they fantasize a lot. They sort of idealize a perfect feminine creature in their minds- the perfect fantasy girl or woman, based a lot on boyhood imprinting, I think- and it makes it more difficult for them to engage with and appreciate the real women in their lives, who may not always been so femininely accommodating (which they may know in theory but still expect), or so delicate, small, childlike, whimsical, etc.- whatever the ideal they have built in their mind (some men fantasize about an unrealistically badass woman, which is equally a fantasy, rather than seeing women as messy, fallible, complex human beings). I know women do this too, especially now kids spend all their time online (this the rise of the fujoshis), but men, according to every study every conducted, are far more prone to having fetishes (which really are just constructing fantasies).
So I don’t think it’s always coming from a place of malice or narcissism or ill intent, even if it sometimes (especially with young men and with older men who have “held in the fantasy” for so many years- and it makes sense men with serious autogynephila also get upset by reminders of their partner’s female biology that they desire, such as pregnancy or even menopause; these men who are so wrapped up in it- not just mostly harmlessly fantasizing - need help, I think, not transition) gets wrapped up in resentment, horniness and sexuality; and I say “mostly harmlessly” because, even if not ill-intentioned, from that same socialization arises a certain sexism in how they see women, which in the end, despite how much they like us, and despite how much they want to, makes it difficult in the end in some ways to truly relate to us, and listen to us…I think it’s important for every man who has a feminine self-image to really try to unpack his own sexism, his own socialization, to try to understand why it is he feels that way, and how we feel about this fantasy identification…if it’s interfering in his real life relationships (at the least) or in his empathy for women (at the most).
I really enjoyed reading this, very thoughtful. Am going to save it offline in case the author asks Graham to delete the article.
Thanks for so much telling detail, I agree with everything you observe and have seen the same kinds of things in all the autism spectrum young people I know who've ended up trans-identified.
Yaoi is an influence on girls in these ways, which needs to be better recognised. They get led toward re-envisioning themselves as 'gay bois', instead of simply male-attracted (whether bi- or het-) autistic of otherwise outlier girls.
Firstly, a disclaimer: I've seen very little anime, and the bits I've seen strike me as puerile, childish, and badly drawn/animated.
Having said that, I'm going to take some issue with the assertion in the article that it is men that play a major part in the masculinisation of boys. It seems to me that both in terms of time spent and direct interaction with children, women are probably more influential. I have seen far more gender-based reinforcement of behaviour from mothers, grandmother's, health visitors, child-minders, nursery staff, and female teachers, nurses, and doctors than I have from men. That doesn't mean to say that men don't do it, but the influence of women shouldn't be underestimated.
My wife and I have been fighting a running battle withother women who are determined to fit our children into certain gender roles. I'm interested in whether others have seen the same phenomenon.
I agree. Both sets of parents and others can put great gender conforming pressure on their children.
At first, I thought gender non conforming was great in removing these societal pressures on boys and girls but even this good idea has been hijacked by misogynists and benefits only men who can tread all over women's rights. On top of that, pressure on girls to be feminine, girly and sexy is reinforced, by crap Japanese anime, Disney princesses and far too many female (ex Disney) pop stars.
But, interestingly, women online have written about knowing men raised in all-female environments and how different they are from other men. I would say that an all-female household could be quite a contrast to the usual heterosexual home. My husband for example was taught by his father to disrespect women, to scoff at what they have to say, to think himself superior to nearly everyone, and to function essentially as an appendage of his father. (Whom I call Father Jack!)
But once in school there is a lot of pressure on both sexes to conform.
I think it's probably worse now, Shirley, but there was plenty of pressure when I was in school to conform. But how could I? My parents were left-wing radicals, we ate whole foods (which no one else did), black and Jewish friends came to our house, and at an early age I began to watch the conformists and found they were often miserable.
I agree there are plenty of women reinforcing stereotyped behaviour too. What I have observed also is women who really don’t like it, but are scared of their son being bullied by other boys for not conforming, so encourage more ‘masculine’ expression once they go to school.
I wonder that is what's going on with my friend's transwoman husband. Maybe gender roles caused him to repress the things he enjoyed as a boy so it's manifesting in this way.
Until he began transition he was talking about beer festivals, football and metal music. Now it's all cutesy anime.
I said this years ago about the military he-men who decide they're really female. They cannot conceive of being male and not charging around being hyper-masculine. But their notions of femininity do not include all the things they expect women to do for them: be emotionally nurturing, care for their physical needs, center them constantly. So their so-called femininity just becomes another element to be catered to and babied. I don't know if I've ever met a truly grownup human male.
Very interesting, thank you.
On the formation-through-interaction in early years I think Dale Spender (Man Made Language) did a lot of pioneers research - recording people’s responses to a baby in blue (isn’t he strong?) v baby in pink (isn’t she cute?) - but it was the same baby.
Projection makes a lot of sense. We typically project the least acceptable parts of ourselves onto others. If there's no room in your definition of maleness for tenderness, receptivity, or vulnerability it makes sense it would need to be projected outwards onto females. It further makes sense why these qualities would also need to be sexualized to make them somehow acceptable.
It also makes sense misogynists would be aggressive towards women who simultaneously embody everything they want and also hate inside of themselves and why they'd act like we were 'privileged' for being female. This also seems to explain the emotional arrest that occurs in many men in which they don't develop past infants or toddlers and thus take zero responsibility for their own personal development and fulfillment.
Makes a lot of sense -- still angering though and as the author said, women are not responsible for this crap.
Happy to say that this article is being shared on twitter. Let people see the connections between gender ideology and pornography/paedophilia.