The NHS giving Stonewall £220k of tax payers money is criminal and should be investigated - I hope someone has alerted Sajid whatsit to this as he is launching a massive investigation into how the money is spent (its not hard mate..its wasted on 'managers' and CEO's on £250k plus this shite
Re the NHS. I am currently in hospital and have been for a few days. The other day I was pushed past two toilets standing next to each other which had clearly been built as men’s and ladies’. They both had a big sign above them saying unisex. So, both had been repurposed/rebranded - no idea if they have added urinals to the old ladies, nor how long ago it was done. We went into the lift and I just innocently asked the two porters, So, what do you think about making the toilets unisex? One mumbled something inaudible. The other one (rainbow badge) looked embarrassed and said, I am not pro, nor anti. (English was not her first language). I didn’t say any more.
2 sets of toilets which are entirely self contained? Each having its own toilet, sink, sanitary bin etc? If its that type, I don't mind them being marked as "unisex". It makes sense that they are. As long as they do not open into a communal area for hand washing where both sexes are mingling, I don't mind.
Its the communal washing facilities with cubicles which are not fully enclosed that I hate being unisex.
No no, I mean sets of communal toilets. Like you see in motorway services, schools, offices , cinemas and… hospitals. Men’s on the left and women’s on the right. Both now ‘unisex’. Standing literally two yards apart. I am sorry but I could not see inside to see whether each had been altered in any way (self-contained cubicles etc), but from the outside they looked as such facilities always do. I take your point about self-contained cubicles but why the need for two identical sets? My preference would have been to keep one exclusively female and the other, unisex (‘open category’, if you will). That truly would have been inclusive to those of all faiths.
In the end, they will analyze which will "cost" them more, shouty and cancel-crazy, permanently offended trans activists or already-branded-bigots (read women) who probably won't put their head above the parapet to complain.
The fact that this is hard to explain shows the foolishness of them making a necessary provision so contentious. I don't want to have to work out where I am allowed to use a bathroom. Especially not when ill. I hope you are well or recovered enough to be out of hospital soon.
The Ministry of Defence has published a new ‘Inclusive Language Guide’ intended to ‘modernise’ the services. In a section called 'Woman or Female', the guide states that the words are often used interchangeably but mean different things. “Not all women are biologically female, and the conflation of 'female' to 'woman' erases gender nonconforming people and members of the trans community.”
Note that there is no section called "Man or Male". The document also came with firm encouragement to share pronouns at the start of meetings and on emails, thus forcing those who are GC to either comply and be uncomfortable or to resist and be revealed as GC when they may not wish people to know this (or feel safe to do so). There is so much talk of people being able to bring their true self to work which is utter BS. People have never bought their "true self" to work (whatever that means), we have been expected to bring our professional self to work. Does this now mean (applying reductio ad absurdum), that alcoholics for example, can bring their true self to work? Where is the line for how much of a "true self" we can bring to work (clearly not if you are GC).
At the same time the MoD have renamed their Women's Network to be inclusive. It is now the Women's Inclusive Network to reflect a more diverse workforce. So a network that was set up to empower women, in what is still a male dominated department (especially at the top), is now looking to empower people - some of which have had all the privileges of being male up to the point they change their pronouns, (and who may continue to enjoy those privileges due to continuing to present as male), due to a prostrating bunch of managers eager to get a promotion or virtue signal their way to an inclusivity pat on the back.
Such obvious MISOGYNY needs looked at urgently. Why are they allowing Stonewall ,(an unelected and unrepresentative cult masquerading as a "charity "), to run our country . I don't remember ever voting for them !
It's insidious isn't it? I guess "no debate" also encompasses not being elected to push your agenda on the population. I have PTSD caused by bullying at work which was caused by a string of misogynistic male managers (and I cannot afford to leave). It started with a male manager often calling me into a room to berate me for going home early (where I continued working), but if I tried to explain the need he would hold his hand in front of my face to stop me talking about "women's problems". I escaped him to land in another job there with another misogynist - actually a pair of them, who excluded and undermined me and when I tried to get someone to help me I was victim blamed. Misogyny runs very deep there and the senior management at the top are all white, male and stale and now all desperate to signal how inclusive they are.
Ah ye olde women's problems. I think I can identify and locate where many of mine are and they come with certain chromosomes and culture. It was hard to read your post as it was so familiar. It's not changing and it's always been thus. Accept women into the Forces (and Services or Professions or Academia) or not. To think we might have some useful skills to bring to the party. Stop this pretence that many are not misogynistic bastions of male entitlement.
Why are men signalling their inclusivity to other men and wider society by calling women out as bigots and eroding our hard won rights? Things seem to be worse than in the early parts of the last Century and progressing backwards at a rate of knots. I hope you can keep your chin up.
Thank you. It's hard as I cannot afford to leave so I have to continue working somewhere where I increasingly feel unsafe and they just made it feel doubly so. I bump along at rock bottom so often that my bum is bruised. I persist though. Women are good at persisting.
Omigod! That seems to be how I react to so much of what women write about their work and home lives. I don't know how easy it is to train for something else in the U.K., but my mother didn't take any shit during the Depression because she was an insurance secretary (female for insurance adjuster) and could leave a job and get another one the same day. I did the same thing in NYC as a typesetter, and I wish now that when I came home to Maine I had enrolled in community college in a new trade. I had someone ask me once what I would do if I worked for an asshole, and I said I would quit (that shut her up -- I had just quit that job).
I hope you have other good things in your life to make up for your job!
Of course! But is it possible to train for another job at the same time? There is an incredible shortage of workers here in the U.S. -- it's most amusing and gratifying to see! During the pandemic, the unemployed got a good-sized boost from the federal government and I think it gave people the opportunity to think about their lives. The right-wingers swore it kept people from working, but finally someone studied it and the results showed that it gave people the chance to do something different. All sorts of businesses are having to offer something closer to a living wage, plus sign-on bonuses, etc. Good luck to you in dealing with your backward bosses!
And you can start with calling it the Ministry of Defence. Our Defense Department should be renamed, to be honest, the Offense Department as it goes round the world committing endless offenses. It used to be called the War Department and that was more honest.
This is all so absolutely ABHORRENT to any right thinking person. The Council of Europe talks about " the rising hatred of lgbt people " It they drop the LGB part of that ,they might be speaking the truth. Trans ID is now officially RAPE culture and it appears to becoming widespread ,aided and abetted by all the public bodies in so called " developed " countries !! The pure EVIL of this ideology just takes your breath away .!! Someone has to stop this urgently !! Women will no longer just be safe ANYWHERE !! Hope I never again find myself in hospital !! TOTALLY DISGRACEFUL that any decent country would even consider any of this !!
2. 'Good Law Gone Bad Jo Maugham's Good Law Project' had me in fits of chuckles, JL. !!
Surely, it must be against the human rights of all of us to be FORCED to lie, re 'misgendering' ?
And how come a judge can force a woman to commit perjury? That also must be against human rights laws? I'm very willing to go to prison if needs be, if ever I'm told I MUST lie about someone's real sex. A GRC only states that someone's 'gender' is either male/female, NOT their sex, so forcing people to lie about their actual sex cannot be legal, as their sex remains the same, thus, so do their pronouns.
Such a shame that humour is now being cancelled, because the comedy sketches going through my head with all this nonsense are BURSTING to get out.....as are all the chuckles too.
And how telling is it that one of the backers of this nefarious lawsuit is the US hormone trade organisation. How much more evidence does anyone need to see what this is all about? Naked capitalistic greed and untramelled access to kids bodies for the profit potential to be reaped from being allowed to mutilate and permanently medicalise them. Where are the lefties opposed to this ghastly inhuman exploitation ? Why are they not out on the streets in their hundreds of thousands? Ah - they've been sold a pup too. Well, we'll fight on. I see no alternative.
Well bearing in mind the GoodLaw project to remove protection of and instead facilitate more grisly body snatching of our kids, those who come to play a part in these legal proceedings might want to read this https://pitt.substack.com/p/transgenders-connection-with-pornography - not that it's in any way pleasant reading, indeed it's darkly distressing and it'll make you queasy if your heart is not made of stone. But we need to see that enablers like GoodLaw, Stonewall and the rest and health, educational and administrative authorities who lack the backbone to stand up to the charlatans are in fact complicit in compounding the desolation of young lives this emergency is causing.
Graham, a suggestion. I imagine people from outside the UK are reading your substack (often as means of seeing the future –– since the UK and Ireland are often held up as examples to follow in terms of transrights). On that basis, I'd like to suggest that you say "women's prison" rather than "the female estate", since the latter term is quite opaque to people who don't life in the UK/Ireland.
"The Hong Kong High Court acquitted Tsang of rape and indecent assault after the defence argued successfully that the victim had relationships with males in the past so could not feel deceived or disgusted by Tsang’s behaviour now. It was, they concluded, simply a ‘miscommunication’."
WTAF? So because she has had sex with other males in the past, somehow her being forcibly penetrated when she didn't consent to it is not rape?
Gee your honor, this tramp has already had sex with a man before, so when she went out with this guy here, it was obviously expected that they'd hook up. Just because she said no doesn't make it rape...
Minor editorial point: we don't have NHS Trusts in Scotland, in any meaningful sense. We have several regional Health Boards, one of which is Greater Glasgow and Clyde.
You ranty rant away. I'm right with you. I've been called "love" or other things most of my life but never have I taken it to be sexist or demeaning - just a term of endearment. You *know* when someone is using any term nastily. there's a difference. The law is an ass because it cannot legislate for what we intrinsically all know and so chancers with an agenda get away with BS court cases.
I for one am grateful as hell for your rantings today, very welcome antidotes after this week's extra-toxic War report. Clear-headed ripostes to the surrounding madnesses. Keep on rantin'.
It depends on context. I would be highly creeped out if my male team leader or other men in positions of power over me at work referred to me as "sweetheart" or "love". Some men do this to demean women who are their subordinates in the workplace. We all know this. I'm a lawyer with over two decades experience and I've been groped by male barristers slurring "you're not a bad little spunk, honey". It's not cute or endearing, it's gross and threatening, and I imagine is as endemic in the service industry as anywhere else.
So let's assume for the sake of argument that Mr "Honey, Love, Sweetheart" was being creepy and not endearing. But isn't it telling that the only way this woman can get this behaviour dealt with is to scream misgendering and "MAH PRONOUNZZZZ!!!" - so it's only an inappropriate way to address your staff if they want to identify out of their sex? Just like work dress codes that force women to wear skirts and heels aren't sexist in themselves, they're only a problem if the women decide they're male or non-binary?
I know a few genuine transwomen, all transed in adulthood (and not young adulthood), they dress modestly, on the whole pass well as women (though tall!) and do not try to shove any ‘glamour puss’ look down people’s throats. I am very happy to refer to them by new name, pronouns etc while at the same time expecting them to agree with me that they are actually “really” / “still” the man / father they once were (actually are). And they do, in fact. THESE are the genuine trans people. (I also know two young people, one mtf, one ftm, both autistic, who have transed, very difficult for their families and it is exceptionally hard to know how to respond. But I do know that it is imperative that they be allowed to go through puberty because it is puberty which is causing them much of the trauma. How can any medical doctor recommend not doing that????)
Yes. And I'm wondering how it affects the conduct of your duties, is it a requirement, and if so why (your point about skirts or heels). I had requirements and expectations to dress in a certain way to complete certain elements of my job, and watched the heels or make up cases with interest. And in order to progress what you have to put up with and if that's a choice or not.
I've laughed in various online meetings over the past 18 months. I was the only one who wasn't a white man in a blue shirt. It's a uniform I can't ever hope to emulate!
Absolutely. In my workplace, our dress code is "business attire" - i and most women of my age who have reached "zero fucks to give" come to work in comfortable flat shoes, trousers (or longer skirts) and frequently, tops that don't need ironing. I've noticed the younger women (20s and 30s) still feel obligated to wear very high heels, meticulously starched and ironed shirts and what appear to be uncomfortable skirt suits. I remember feeling I had to do the same when I started. It was never said outright, but we feel the subtle pressure nonetheless. I still felt I 'needed' to wear make-up to work even after I gave up the restrictive suits and heels, although COVID lockdowns helped break that habit and I frequently don't bother now even if I do go into the office.
As for "Endearments" Guy, I think the original comment I responded to, which expressed incredulity that someone would "sue the person who actually liked you" completely overlooks the power dynamics involved here. It's not appropriate for a manager to "love, honey, pinky" an employee. Sorry, it's just not. I work with many lovely people who are my subordinates and I never refer to them in that way. I might say, "oh, you're a legend, thank you" or something like that, but no cutesy nicknames and definitely not "honey". It's quite different from a situation where it's among friends or acquaintances, or colleagues at the same level, or the sweet older man or woman who comes into the shop, or even a victim or witness I'm dealing with in my work, calling me "love" or "sweetheart". I don't object to that at all because it's not creepy. I would also suggest that men probably don't feel the same sense of threat/disrespect/belittling when a woman does it to them that we women might feel when a man in a position of power does it to us.
So I'm not going to have a crack at Ms Pronouns for objecting to her boss calling her those nicknames - bearing in mind she was probably paid shit and that bloke had power to sack her. She will have grown up with the same built in creep detector that all women develop from childhood. It's probably why she decided to ID as non-binary. Sexual harassment or inappropriate familiarity towards a subordinate is still inappropriate, whether the person on the receiving end is an irritating genderspecial or not.
I think I know what he means. Where I live men used to call each other dear; my husband experienced this, especially with men older than himself, when he worked in a textile mill. Since it's not in a power context, when people call me honey or dear I find it quite nice. But in a power context, it's creepy; when women were asked to define creepy in a survey, the answer was men.
The NHS giving Stonewall £220k of tax payers money is criminal and should be investigated - I hope someone has alerted Sajid whatsit to this as he is launching a massive investigation into how the money is spent (its not hard mate..its wasted on 'managers' and CEO's on £250k plus this shite
Well said, Janey!
Re the NHS. I am currently in hospital and have been for a few days. The other day I was pushed past two toilets standing next to each other which had clearly been built as men’s and ladies’. They both had a big sign above them saying unisex. So, both had been repurposed/rebranded - no idea if they have added urinals to the old ladies, nor how long ago it was done. We went into the lift and I just innocently asked the two porters, So, what do you think about making the toilets unisex? One mumbled something inaudible. The other one (rainbow badge) looked embarrassed and said, I am not pro, nor anti. (English was not her first language). I didn’t say any more.
Hope you're on the mend and out of hospital very soon Úrsula. Wishing you all the best. Take good care xx
Thank you.
Hope you are okay Úrsula and will be out soon x
Thank you.
Do you mean 2 individual toilets off a corridor or 2 sets of toilets?
Sorry. Two sets of toilets in the traditional fashion.
2 sets of toilets which are entirely self contained? Each having its own toilet, sink, sanitary bin etc? If its that type, I don't mind them being marked as "unisex". It makes sense that they are. As long as they do not open into a communal area for hand washing where both sexes are mingling, I don't mind.
Its the communal washing facilities with cubicles which are not fully enclosed that I hate being unisex.
No no, I mean sets of communal toilets. Like you see in motorway services, schools, offices , cinemas and… hospitals. Men’s on the left and women’s on the right. Both now ‘unisex’. Standing literally two yards apart. I am sorry but I could not see inside to see whether each had been altered in any way (self-contained cubicles etc), but from the outside they looked as such facilities always do. I take your point about self-contained cubicles but why the need for two identical sets? My preference would have been to keep one exclusively female and the other, unisex (‘open category’, if you will). That truly would have been inclusive to those of all faiths.
In the end, they will analyze which will "cost" them more, shouty and cancel-crazy, permanently offended trans activists or already-branded-bigots (read women) who probably won't put their head above the parapet to complain.
Throw the modest Muslim women who work in and attend those hospitals to the wolves.
The fact that this is hard to explain shows the foolishness of them making a necessary provision so contentious. I don't want to have to work out where I am allowed to use a bathroom. Especially not when ill. I hope you are well or recovered enough to be out of hospital soon.
Thank you - I hope so, too.
Agree with you.
Re. The MoD:
The Ministry of Defence has published a new ‘Inclusive Language Guide’ intended to ‘modernise’ the services. In a section called 'Woman or Female', the guide states that the words are often used interchangeably but mean different things. “Not all women are biologically female, and the conflation of 'female' to 'woman' erases gender nonconforming people and members of the trans community.”
Note that there is no section called "Man or Male". The document also came with firm encouragement to share pronouns at the start of meetings and on emails, thus forcing those who are GC to either comply and be uncomfortable or to resist and be revealed as GC when they may not wish people to know this (or feel safe to do so). There is so much talk of people being able to bring their true self to work which is utter BS. People have never bought their "true self" to work (whatever that means), we have been expected to bring our professional self to work. Does this now mean (applying reductio ad absurdum), that alcoholics for example, can bring their true self to work? Where is the line for how much of a "true self" we can bring to work (clearly not if you are GC).
At the same time the MoD have renamed their Women's Network to be inclusive. It is now the Women's Inclusive Network to reflect a more diverse workforce. So a network that was set up to empower women, in what is still a male dominated department (especially at the top), is now looking to empower people - some of which have had all the privileges of being male up to the point they change their pronouns, (and who may continue to enjoy those privileges due to continuing to present as male), due to a prostrating bunch of managers eager to get a promotion or virtue signal their way to an inclusivity pat on the back.
GREAT POST! They've all gone NUTS! Need to rename....The Ministry Of Misogyny.
Such obvious MISOGYNY needs looked at urgently. Why are they allowing Stonewall ,(an unelected and unrepresentative cult masquerading as a "charity "), to run our country . I don't remember ever voting for them !
It's insidious isn't it? I guess "no debate" also encompasses not being elected to push your agenda on the population. I have PTSD caused by bullying at work which was caused by a string of misogynistic male managers (and I cannot afford to leave). It started with a male manager often calling me into a room to berate me for going home early (where I continued working), but if I tried to explain the need he would hold his hand in front of my face to stop me talking about "women's problems". I escaped him to land in another job there with another misogynist - actually a pair of them, who excluded and undermined me and when I tried to get someone to help me I was victim blamed. Misogyny runs very deep there and the senior management at the top are all white, male and stale and now all desperate to signal how inclusive they are.
Ah ye olde women's problems. I think I can identify and locate where many of mine are and they come with certain chromosomes and culture. It was hard to read your post as it was so familiar. It's not changing and it's always been thus. Accept women into the Forces (and Services or Professions or Academia) or not. To think we might have some useful skills to bring to the party. Stop this pretence that many are not misogynistic bastions of male entitlement.
Why are men signalling their inclusivity to other men and wider society by calling women out as bigots and eroding our hard won rights? Things seem to be worse than in the early parts of the last Century and progressing backwards at a rate of knots. I hope you can keep your chin up.
Get Stonewall out of the MoD. It's not equality.
Thank you. It's hard as I cannot afford to leave so I have to continue working somewhere where I increasingly feel unsafe and they just made it feel doubly so. I bump along at rock bottom so often that my bum is bruised. I persist though. Women are good at persisting.
Be a piece of grit in their oyster :-)
I think they view me as that anyway :)
Omigod! That seems to be how I react to so much of what women write about their work and home lives. I don't know how easy it is to train for something else in the U.K., but my mother didn't take any shit during the Depression because she was an insurance secretary (female for insurance adjuster) and could leave a job and get another one the same day. I did the same thing in NYC as a typesetter, and I wish now that when I came home to Maine I had enrolled in community college in a new trade. I had someone ask me once what I would do if I worked for an asshole, and I said I would quit (that shut her up -- I had just quit that job).
I hope you have other good things in your life to make up for your job!
Thank you. I cannot quit for a multitude of reasons the main one being I cannot afford to.
Of course! But is it possible to train for another job at the same time? There is an incredible shortage of workers here in the U.S. -- it's most amusing and gratifying to see! During the pandemic, the unemployed got a good-sized boost from the federal government and I think it gave people the opportunity to think about their lives. The right-wingers swore it kept people from working, but finally someone studied it and the results showed that it gave people the chance to do something different. All sorts of businesses are having to offer something closer to a living wage, plus sign-on bonuses, etc. Good luck to you in dealing with your backward bosses!
And you can start with calling it the Ministry of Defence. Our Defense Department should be renamed, to be honest, the Offense Department as it goes round the world committing endless offenses. It used to be called the War Department and that was more honest.
Don't be selfish, ladies! It's time to stop hoarding those rights!
This is all so absolutely ABHORRENT to any right thinking person. The Council of Europe talks about " the rising hatred of lgbt people " It they drop the LGB part of that ,they might be speaking the truth. Trans ID is now officially RAPE culture and it appears to becoming widespread ,aided and abetted by all the public bodies in so called " developed " countries !! The pure EVIL of this ideology just takes your breath away .!! Someone has to stop this urgently !! Women will no longer just be safe ANYWHERE !! Hope I never again find myself in hospital !! TOTALLY DISGRACEFUL that any decent country would even consider any of this !!
I'm now referring to it as simply "TQ." No more LGB.
Thank you JL. It's Freedom to Shut* Up Month in the NHS.
*Speak
2. 'Good Law Gone Bad Jo Maugham's Good Law Project' had me in fits of chuckles, JL. !!
Surely, it must be against the human rights of all of us to be FORCED to lie, re 'misgendering' ?
And how come a judge can force a woman to commit perjury? That also must be against human rights laws? I'm very willing to go to prison if needs be, if ever I'm told I MUST lie about someone's real sex. A GRC only states that someone's 'gender' is either male/female, NOT their sex, so forcing people to lie about their actual sex cannot be legal, as their sex remains the same, thus, so do their pronouns.
Such a shame that humour is now being cancelled, because the comedy sketches going through my head with all this nonsense are BURSTING to get out.....as are all the chuckles too.
This policing of speech is unbelievable and I'm just waiting for it to come to where I live.
Good Law Project are supporting this too https://www.birminghammail.co.uk/black-country/transgender-woman-rowley-regis-sue-21817673#comments-wrapper - this person thinks he should preferential treatment - you'd think Gendered Intelligence & London Transgender clinic whom they are connected with would help them out but no they'd rather sue and take even more taxpayers money
Most comments oppose him getting the surgery on the NHS. He’s a 41 year old white man. Quelle surprise 🙄
The Peakening will be strong with this one 😀
And how telling is it that one of the backers of this nefarious lawsuit is the US hormone trade organisation. How much more evidence does anyone need to see what this is all about? Naked capitalistic greed and untramelled access to kids bodies for the profit potential to be reaped from being allowed to mutilate and permanently medicalise them. Where are the lefties opposed to this ghastly inhuman exploitation ? Why are they not out on the streets in their hundreds of thousands? Ah - they've been sold a pup too. Well, we'll fight on. I see no alternative.
Well bearing in mind the GoodLaw project to remove protection of and instead facilitate more grisly body snatching of our kids, those who come to play a part in these legal proceedings might want to read this https://pitt.substack.com/p/transgenders-connection-with-pornography - not that it's in any way pleasant reading, indeed it's darkly distressing and it'll make you queasy if your heart is not made of stone. But we need to see that enablers like GoodLaw, Stonewall and the rest and health, educational and administrative authorities who lack the backbone to stand up to the charlatans are in fact complicit in compounding the desolation of young lives this emergency is causing.
Graham, a suggestion. I imagine people from outside the UK are reading your substack (often as means of seeing the future –– since the UK and Ireland are often held up as examples to follow in terms of transrights). On that basis, I'd like to suggest that you say "women's prison" rather than "the female estate", since the latter term is quite opaque to people who don't life in the UK/Ireland.
I figured it out.
I wonder how many actual women are still sitting around saying "guys are great". It's like they never wake up.
"The Hong Kong High Court acquitted Tsang of rape and indecent assault after the defence argued successfully that the victim had relationships with males in the past so could not feel deceived or disgusted by Tsang’s behaviour now. It was, they concluded, simply a ‘miscommunication’."
WTAF? So because she has had sex with other males in the past, somehow her being forcibly penetrated when she didn't consent to it is not rape?
Gee your honor, this tramp has already had sex with a man before, so when she went out with this guy here, it was obviously expected that they'd hook up. Just because she said no doesn't make it rape...
Brilliant public meeting here hosted by Baroness Nicholson
More signs that the tide is turning.
https://youtu.be/aoPMsVBs_IE
Minor editorial point: we don't have NHS Trusts in Scotland, in any meaningful sense. We have several regional Health Boards, one of which is Greater Glasgow and Clyde.
You ranty rant away. I'm right with you. I've been called "love" or other things most of my life but never have I taken it to be sexist or demeaning - just a term of endearment. You *know* when someone is using any term nastily. there's a difference. The law is an ass because it cannot legislate for what we intrinsically all know and so chancers with an agenda get away with BS court cases.
I for one am grateful as hell for your rantings today, very welcome antidotes after this week's extra-toxic War report. Clear-headed ripostes to the surrounding madnesses. Keep on rantin'.
Applauding, loudly, down here in Devon! xx
It depends on context. I would be highly creeped out if my male team leader or other men in positions of power over me at work referred to me as "sweetheart" or "love". Some men do this to demean women who are their subordinates in the workplace. We all know this. I'm a lawyer with over two decades experience and I've been groped by male barristers slurring "you're not a bad little spunk, honey". It's not cute or endearing, it's gross and threatening, and I imagine is as endemic in the service industry as anywhere else.
So let's assume for the sake of argument that Mr "Honey, Love, Sweetheart" was being creepy and not endearing. But isn't it telling that the only way this woman can get this behaviour dealt with is to scream misgendering and "MAH PRONOUNZZZZ!!!" - so it's only an inappropriate way to address your staff if they want to identify out of their sex? Just like work dress codes that force women to wear skirts and heels aren't sexist in themselves, they're only a problem if the women decide they're male or non-binary?
Whereas the men who decide to be women half the week signal this fact to their co-workers by squeezing into a tight skirt and size 12 heels.
I know a few genuine transwomen, all transed in adulthood (and not young adulthood), they dress modestly, on the whole pass well as women (though tall!) and do not try to shove any ‘glamour puss’ look down people’s throats. I am very happy to refer to them by new name, pronouns etc while at the same time expecting them to agree with me that they are actually “really” / “still” the man / father they once were (actually are). And they do, in fact. THESE are the genuine trans people. (I also know two young people, one mtf, one ftm, both autistic, who have transed, very difficult for their families and it is exceptionally hard to know how to respond. But I do know that it is imperative that they be allowed to go through puberty because it is puberty which is causing them much of the trauma. How can any medical doctor recommend not doing that????)
Yes. And I'm wondering how it affects the conduct of your duties, is it a requirement, and if so why (your point about skirts or heels). I had requirements and expectations to dress in a certain way to complete certain elements of my job, and watched the heels or make up cases with interest. And in order to progress what you have to put up with and if that's a choice or not.
I've laughed in various online meetings over the past 18 months. I was the only one who wasn't a white man in a blue shirt. It's a uniform I can't ever hope to emulate!
Absolutely. In my workplace, our dress code is "business attire" - i and most women of my age who have reached "zero fucks to give" come to work in comfortable flat shoes, trousers (or longer skirts) and frequently, tops that don't need ironing. I've noticed the younger women (20s and 30s) still feel obligated to wear very high heels, meticulously starched and ironed shirts and what appear to be uncomfortable skirt suits. I remember feeling I had to do the same when I started. It was never said outright, but we feel the subtle pressure nonetheless. I still felt I 'needed' to wear make-up to work even after I gave up the restrictive suits and heels, although COVID lockdowns helped break that habit and I frequently don't bother now even if I do go into the office.
As for "Endearments" Guy, I think the original comment I responded to, which expressed incredulity that someone would "sue the person who actually liked you" completely overlooks the power dynamics involved here. It's not appropriate for a manager to "love, honey, pinky" an employee. Sorry, it's just not. I work with many lovely people who are my subordinates and I never refer to them in that way. I might say, "oh, you're a legend, thank you" or something like that, but no cutesy nicknames and definitely not "honey". It's quite different from a situation where it's among friends or acquaintances, or colleagues at the same level, or the sweet older man or woman who comes into the shop, or even a victim or witness I'm dealing with in my work, calling me "love" or "sweetheart". I don't object to that at all because it's not creepy. I would also suggest that men probably don't feel the same sense of threat/disrespect/belittling when a woman does it to them that we women might feel when a man in a position of power does it to us.
So I'm not going to have a crack at Ms Pronouns for objecting to her boss calling her those nicknames - bearing in mind she was probably paid shit and that bloke had power to sack her. She will have grown up with the same built in creep detector that all women develop from childhood. It's probably why she decided to ID as non-binary. Sexual harassment or inappropriate familiarity towards a subordinate is still inappropriate, whether the person on the receiving end is an irritating genderspecial or not.
I think I know what he means. Where I live men used to call each other dear; my husband experienced this, especially with men older than himself, when he worked in a textile mill. Since it's not in a power context, when people call me honey or dear I find it quite nice. But in a power context, it's creepy; when women were asked to define creepy in a survey, the answer was men.