Wil Wheaton's Chappelle statement is a comedy masterclass

"I used homophobic slurs like "faggot", now I use homophobic slurs like 'queer' and I BLAME BLACK PEOPLE!"

Clown Wesley by Moley

A subscriber posted Wil Wheaton’s statement explaining why he’s not on team Chapelle and it is a masterpiece of unintentional comedy. Wheaton admits to the sort of stuff you couldn’t have gotten out of me if you had a gun to my head. Is this the first example of a celebrity cancelling themselves?

Here is the statement along with all the ways I love it.

1. Opens by talking about a black man’s “behaviour”.

For anyone who genuinely doesn't understand why I feel as strongly as I do about people like Chapelle making transphobic comments that are passed off as jokes, I want to share a story that I hope will help you understand, and contextualize my reaction to his behavior.

2. Childhood flashback!

When I was sixteen, I played ice hockey almost every night at a local rink. I was a goalie, and they always needed goalies, so I could show up, put on my gear, and just wait for some team to call me onto the ice. It was a lot of fun.

One night, I'd played a couple hours of pickup with some really great dudes. They were friendly, they were funny, they enjoyed the game, they treated me like I was part of their team. They welcomed me.

After we were finished, we were all in the locker room getting changed into our regular clothes.

3. Uh-oh! What’s going to happen!?

Before I tell you what happened next, I want to talk specifically about comedy and how much I loved it when I was growing up. I listened to records and watched comedy specials whenever I could.

4. Uh-huh… *checks watch*

One of the definitive comedy specials for me and my friends was Eddie Murphy's Delirious, from 1983. It had bits that still kill me. The ice cream song, aunt Bunny falling down the stairs, mom throwing the shoe. Really funny stuff.

5. This is where the rubber hits the road.

There is also extensive homophobic material that is just fucking appalling and inexcusable. Long stretches of this comedy film are devoted to mocking gay people, using the slur that starts with F over and over and over.

6. Plot twist! Wil is so hypnotised by this wily black fella, he becomes a bigot!

Young Wil, who watched this with his suburban white upper middle class friends, in his privileged bubble, thought it was the funniest, edgiest, dirtiest thing he'd ever heard. It KILLED him. And all of it was dehumanizing to gay men. All of it was cruel. All of it was bigoted. All of it was punching down. And I didn't know any better. I accepted the framing, I developed a view of gay men as predatory, somehow less than straight men, absolutely worthy of mockery and contempt. Always good for a joke, though.

7. Funny how many of us saw the same special and didn’t turn out homophobic, but do go on.

Let me put this another way: A comedian who I thought was one of the funniest people on the planet totally normalized making a mockery of gay people, and because I was a privileged white kid, raised by privileged white parents, there was nobody around me to challenge that perception. For much of my teen years, I was embarrassingly homophobic, and it all started with that comedy special.

8. Definitely Eddie Murphy’s fault you were a teenage homophobe. Got it. Roping Mum and Dad will delight them I’m sure.

Let's go back to that locker room.

9. He actually goes back to a different one—or at least, a different time, with a different team—which makes this part of the statement super-confusing. I had to look at it for ages before realising what was going on

So I'm talking with these guys, and we're all just laughing and having a good time. We're doing that sports thing where you talk about the great plays, and feel like you're part of something special.

And then, without even realizing what I was doing, that awful word came out of my mouth. "Blah blah blah F****t," I said.

The room fell silent and that's when I realized every single guy in this room was gay.

10 M NIGHT SHAMALAMADINGDONG!

They were from a team called The Blades (amazing) and I had just ... really fucked up.

"Do you have any gay friends?" One of them asked me, gently.

"Yes," I said, defensively. Then, I lied, "they say that all the time." I was so embarrassed and horrified. I realized I had basically said the N word, in context, and I didn't know what to do. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to apologize, I wanted to beg forgiveness. But I was a stupid sixteen year-old with pride and ignorance and fear all over myself, so I lied to try and get out of it.

"They must not love themselves very much," he said, with quiet disappointment.

Nobody said another word to me. I felt terrible. I shoved my gear into my bag and left as quickly as I could.

11. I should say at this point, I don’t buy this story at all. A gay team called The Blades? And he didn’t know they were gay? And how did he find out? Did he go “Wait, The Blades? And they’re in a locker room?… These fellas are ALL GAY!”

That happened over 30 years ago, and I think about it all the time.

12. Mate, I don’t even believe it happened, let alone that you still think about it.

I'm mortified and embarrassed and so regretful that I said such a hurtful thing. I said it out of ignorance, but I still said it,

And I said it because I believed these men, who were so cool and kind and just like all the other men I played with (I was always the youngest player on the ice) were somehow less than ... I guess everyone.

Because that had been normalized for me by culture and comedy.

13. Most of us hovering around our fifties have exactly the same cultural touchpoints as Wesley here, yet most of us have never thought that gay people were less than human

A *huge* part of that normalization was through entertainment that dehumanized gay men in the service of "jokes".

14. Jokes in scare quotes because they’re not really jokes, y’see! They’re deliberately dehumanising dogwhistles! Even though Chapelle’s ‘Closer’ ends with a ten minute monologue that draws you in with comedy and then lands a knockout emotional punch in a routine that LITERALLY HUMANISES A TRANSEXUAL.

And as someone who thought jokes were great, I accepted it.

15. Remember, kids! Jokes aren’t always ‘cool’! Don’t be a Jokey Joe Privileged McPeter!

I mean, nobody was making fun of *ME* that way, and I was the Main Character, so...

12. The ritual of self-flagellation begins!

I doubt very much that any of those men would be reading this today, but if so: I am so sorry. I deeply, profoundly, totally regret this. I've spent literally my entire life since this happened making amends and doing my best to be the strongest ally I can be. I want to do everything I can to prevent another kid from believing the same bigotry I believed, because I was ignorant and privileged.

13. Let’s get back to the real problem. Black comedians!

So this stuff that Chapelle did? That all these Cishet white men are so keen to defend? I believe them when they say that it's not a big deal. Because it's not a big deal TO CISHET WHITE DUDES.

14. No such word as ‘cishet’, Wesley. You might as well say ‘blue java ice cream banana’ for all the sense it makes, and the latter actually does exist.

But for a transgender person, those "jokes" normalize hateful, ignorant, bigoted behavior towards them.

15. Any chance of a definition of ‘transgender person’ at this point? Are you talking about fully transitioned transexuals? Cross-dressers? Straight teachers who wear heels in class?

Those "jokes" contribute to a world where transgender people are constantly under threat of violence because transgender people have been safely, acceptably, dehumanized.

16. This is bollocks, based on nothing except the murders of Brazilian sex-workers applied at a global level. In the UK, by contrast, not a single trans-identified person has been killed in the past 3 years. Since records began in 2008, there have been a total of 9 trans-identified people murdered here, and in none of those cases was the fact of their being trans cited as the motive. How many women are killed per year? Per month? Per week?

And it's all okay, because they were dehumanized by a Black man.

17. Have you ever seen anything like this? Here’s a straight, white man arguing that other straight white men should have a right to women’s spaces, sports, shelters and rape crisis centres, and now he’s trying to argue two succesful black comedians have black privilege.

And the disingenuous argument that it's actually racist to hold Chapelle accountable for this? Get the fuck out of here.

18. Yes, do not question the white, straight man as he bravely stands with other white, straight men

I love dark humor.

19. No, you don’t. Carry on.

I love smart, clever jokes that make us think, that challenge authority, that make powerful people uncomfortable.

20. That’s not ‘dark humour’.

I don't need a lecture from some dude in wraparound sunglasses and a "git 'er done" tank top about how I don't understand comedy and I need to stick to acting.

21. You do need that lecture. You have no sense of humour and no understanding of comedy.

I don't need a First Amendment lecture from someone who doesn't understand the concept of consequences for exercising speech the government can't legally prohibit.

19. “You vill undeztand ze conzept of consecvences!” Let’s have some hyperbole to back up this new, Stasi version of young Wesley.

Literally every defense of Chapelle's "jokes" centers white, cishet men and our experience at the expense of people who have to fight with every breath simply to exist in this world. Literally every queer person I know (and I know a LOT)…

20. Well, you’re a professional nerd living in Los Angeles so of course you do.

…is hurt by Chapelle's actions. When literally every queer person I know says "this is hurtful to me", I'm going to listen to them and support them, and not tell them why they are wrong, as so many cishet white men do. If you're inclined to disregard queer voices, especially as they relate to this specific topic, I encourage you to reflect on your choices and think about who you listen to and why.

21. Well, I’m certainly not going to listen to you, guy who throws ‘faggot’ and ‘queer’ around

Too many of my fellow cishet white men are reducing this to some abstract intellectual exercise, which once again centers our experience at the expense of people who are genuinely threatened by the normalization of their "less than" or "outsider" status.

22. Yeah, outsiders like Rachel Levine, the ‘first female four star admiral’ and that bloke breaking women’s swimming records. Proper outsider heroes! Let’s finish by trying to write the most pompous thing that’s ever been written.

Thirty years ago, I centered myself and was appallingly hurtful as a result. I was sixteen and didn't know any better. I still regret it. Frankly, a whole lot of y'all who I've already blocked should feel the same shame about what you said TODAY that I feel for something I did three decades ago when I was sixteen and didn't know any better. But you don't, and that is why people like me need to keep using our voices to speak up and speak out.

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Wesley, people like you are the problem, not the solution to the problem.