When your child goes No Contact - Part 2
Across the West, a quiet epidemic is destroying families. Parents who have loved and supported their children unconditionally are being cut off—often permanently—simply for questioning whether their child has truly been "born in the wrong body." This isn't about rejection or lack of acceptance. These are stories of parents who would do anything for their children, yet find themselves branded as "unsafe" or "transphobic" for expressing concern about life-altering medical interventions or for refusing to pretend that biological sex can be changed.
The pattern is chillingly consistent: a child, often with no previous signs of gender distress, suddenly announces they have a new identity, a new name, and a new manner in which to be discussed. This declaration frequently follows exposure to online communities, university environments, or peer groups where a trans identity has become fashionable. Parents asking questions, who suggest therapy, or who simply cannot bring themselves to lie about biological reality, find themselves facing an ultimatum: total affirmation or total rejection.
As I mentioned in Part 1, Eric Hoffer warned in "The True Believer" that mass movements often require followers to abandon their existing relationships to ensure unwavering commitment to the cause. What we're witnessing isn't coincidence—it's a recruitment strategy. Children are coached to view any questioning as violence, any request for caution as hatred. They're taught that cutting off "unsupportive" family members isn't just acceptable—it's necessary for their survival.
What follows is a second collection of stories from parents who have courageously shared their experiences of loss. Some parents tried total acceptance and still lost their children. Others maintained their convictions and faced the same outcome. The common thread isn't how the parents responded—it's the movement's demand for absolute compliance and its systematic destruction of family bonds.
These stories matter because they reveal the human cost of an ideology that treats dissent as violence and demands that even family love be conditional on ideological agreement.
Here I offer another voice wanting to join the chorus sung by grieving parents.
My heart still aches.
Age 16 my beautiful daughter rejected her new autism spectrum diagnosis to reach out online in desperation. Somewhere in the darkness of the web a rapidly growing cult of transgenderism grabbed her.
Suddenly she announced to me she was a “boy trapped in a girl’s body”.
That year, 2015, she found other girls self harming, taking antidepressants, then joining the cult.
She left home. I reported her missing. Police would not reveal where she was residing. Authorities believed that I was abusive in my attempts to protect her from self harm.
The memory of my anger will never leave me.
My child was deceived by a dark evil ideology that captured her mind
Age 18 she appeared again briefly to collect a passport to replace her female identity. The M was in the place where an F should have been. What a lie!
My daughter had been taught to lie by the trans cult. There was no limit to the lies.
She is supposedly in London. She did wish me Happy New Year.
If I could refer to her as him she might speak to me again.
The first estrangement (going no contact) lasted two years.
Any contact has to be on her terms which means I avoid pronouns.
My eldest daughter moved out of our house on her sixteenth birthday with the aid of my ex-husband. We were away in London and saw this happen on our webcam. We had not expected it, and it was a weekend she was supposed to be with her Dad, but they used it to move her stuff out while we were away. There was no history of arguments, just a normal family dynamic. She had been withdrawn, but we thought it was normal for a teenager not to want to hang around with her much younger sisters. We never discussed the topic of trans with her on any occasion.
Over the next few years, we barely saw her. She visited infrequently but COVID happened which complicated things. When the world started to open up again, she wouldn't visit. Just before she went to University, we saw her for two visits which had seemed really nice and pleasant, and I thought she might be maturing. I gave her some money towards up upkeep and off she went.
A fortnight into her studies she sent me a video link, with a 30-minute monologue about how she was trans, she was changing her name and that she was asexual and aromantic. She then completely cut contact with us, her sisters (apart from one) our entire side of the family. She got rid of the mobile phone we had given her so I couldn't call. I sent her an email asking her to come home to talk to us in person about it, but this was ignored. I started to hear back via her sister and other people her reactions to us attempting to make contact - which were unpleasant and nasty. She started treating her sister badly if we did anything like say 'send her our love' so we stopped doing that. We have tried to shield her younger sisters from what has happened because they are completely devastated that she has gone, but far too young to talk to about what has happened.
She has become increasingly ill - she has put on lots of weight, appears to have developed some chronic fatigue disorder, walks with a cane and can't manage more than half a mile. We have not seen her, but her direct sister who is five years younger than her does see her occasionally. Although she claims to be doing absolutely fine without us in her life, the bits reported by her sister are very disturbing and concerning, and she does not sound like a happy person at all.
We never had a falling out with her on the topic of trans, it was never discussed. The only thing she might have known about was that I was upset because my employer had removed the female toilets at work and it was causing me upset and stress having to share facilities directly with male colleagues. We never got the chance to 'support or reject' her, she just cut us out. These days it upsets me a lot, and she doesn't sound like a happy or healthy person to be around. If I try to explain to others what has happened, they just assume that we were not sufficiently supportive of Heather, but the truth is that we never even knew and we never had the chance.
My daughter has MRKH, ie. she was born without a uterus. We’d always dealt with it in a pragmatic and unemotional way and I thought, especially since she met and married a nice guy, that everything was okay. Unbeknownst to me, however, she has become so embroiled in the rainbow ideology and so desperate to be part of it that she now identifies as ‘intersex’. Last August, she was lecturing me about the evils of being gender critical. I was trying not to engage and kept telling her I didn’t want to discuss it but then she brought up Imane Khalif and how people thought ‘she’ was a man because ‘she’ didn’t conform to feminine stereotypes. I couldn’t help myself - I had to say that he has XY chromosomes and is a man. My daughter told me then that she and Khalif are intersex and that she could no longer consider me as her mother if I continued to misgender Khalif. She stormed out and I haven’t seen or spoken to her since, despite my efforts to keep the door open.
I am devastated as I thought we were close and we did a lot of things together. I really can’t see how to fix it without debasing myself and going against everything I believe. She has also cut herself off from my husband and son.
It has been almost two years since my daughter went no contact because I questioned why my 6-year-old granddaughter was suddenly a trans boy. I have 3 grandchildren now, aged 10, 8, and 3 that I have not been allowed to see since then.
My son also went no contact because of this.
I have 3 children, 2 of whom took on trans identities in college (although I now see, of course, that the seeds were sown well in advance of the college years). None of my kids were what I would call “sex stereotype” conforming, nor were any of them obviously distressed about their sex as children. At this stage, I can say that I believe my trans identified son is gay; I don’t know about my daughter, who has gone no contact.
My daughter graduated from college last May (2024) and, aside from answering a text from my husband in February about a tax form that came to our house earlier this year, we haven’t heard from her. She won’t respond to call or texts from anyone in our family, including my mother, who is 87 years old. She would not give me her address (she lives in Brooklyn, NY) but I got it from a friend whose daughter has contact with her.
I am a physician in Illinois. Of course, as a paren,t I am horrified at what is happening with these kids and with families, but as a physician, I am appalled. I can’t believe that my profession has lost all objectivity and fallen for this madness.
Our 26-year-old daughter estranged herself from us over 5 years ago when we refused to finance her double mastectomy. We are lifelong liberals, an extremely close and loving family until the cult of trans captured our sensitive daughter, destabilised her mental health, and convinced her that her best allies were her enemies.
I haven't heard from my daughter, my only child since 2021 - she's not trans, but she's a full on "ally". She's also autistic, as is her boyfriend. She's studying Microbiology at Glasgow Uni.
I honestly feel like these now young adults have been abused, even those lucky enough to have intact bodies.
I have no idea what my daughter actually believes - does she go along with it because she has to or does she think people can change sex, or know they can't but somehow think it's right to prioritise these pervy men?
It's madness, I'm devastated and furious, for her, for me, for all the young people lied to, particularly the females, because I see clearly that “fetishy” men are using them to further their own aims, and people in positions of authority are encouraging it.
I don't know if she'll ever come round. I accept she won't as it makes it easier to move forward, but there's constantly a part of me that hopes she will.
All I would have to do is pick up the phone and say, " I believe you are a woman, Alice."
If I did that, both my sons would call and text me again. They would probably even visit. But I cannot agree that my youngest should take cross sex hormones and get experimental surgeries. He is 6”4 and has a basso profundo voice; if he chooses to block my way, I cannot get around him. It is wrong for him to use the ladies room.
It has been two years since I have spoken with my youngest son, who now wants to be called Alice. It has been a year since I have spoken with my oldest.
My youngest son, brought his brother with him when he told me he believed he was a woman. They were overjoyed that I “took it so well”, mistaking my shock for calm, and my lack of knowledge for agreement. They tried to explain, but I noticed something new in the way they responded to me. Once, they loved to debate, and they were good at it. Now they would physically back up and turn away when they had no good response. My youngest told me that studies showed the brain scans of transmen were similar to the scans of women. He physically moved away when I asked if his doctors had scanned his brain. I mentioned that it must be difficult when their school taught that white men were the problem; they almost ran from the room. My youngest did say he felt like a woman, but he could not explain what that meant. His college counsellors told him that meant he was a woman. The college health services prescribed estrogen and testosterone blockers for him.
Even though they gave me no explanation, I went along for a while. At Christmas, I gave my oldest son a sizeable check. I gave my youngest expensive feminine presents such as monogramed stationery, the kind of things I enjoy receiving from my mother. The boy I raised could not possibly want stationery. I hoped that might make him want to be male, at least for a moment. I was very naive, but I was learning. I suggested an information exchange and I sent both boys the best information I could find on the dangers of “gender-affirming care.” My oldest son sent me three videos from YouTube. The first was Jammidodger saying transmen are women because of a small and flawed study of brain scans, the second was Contrapoints talking about Anita Bryant, and the third supported defunding the police.
After diving deep into the research on both sides of the issue, I sent my youngest a letter saying men cannot become women and I included evidence on the dangers of medical gender-changing treatments. He called me and we talked late into the night. I had to end the call because it was so late and I was so tired I was afraid I would say something I would later regret.
The next day, he sent me a text telling me to only contact him through his brother.
My eldest and his fiancee came for a visit a few months later. We spoke about his brother a bit, being careful not to say too much. At one point, he hugged me fiercely and said, “I know we disagree because we both love Alice so much.” I hope they both still know I love them.
Not long after the visit, he sent me a letter telling me I was no longer invited to his wedding. He wrote that I was too conservative and he was uncomfortable around me. I was the only one who got a letter, but all four of his grandparents found excuses not to attend. They did not want to see my youngest in a bridesmaid’s dress.
Within a year both of my sons were not answering my calls and texts. I still occasionally send them texts with family news. I stopped calling them. It is just too hard to hear the phone ring and ring.
I blame myself in some respects. Clare started to socially transition around the time of the Covid lockdowns. She began binding (I didn't know what the term meant), dressing more masculine, cut her hair short, and started using the name "Corey". Her therapist, paediatrician, teachers and others were in full support. In the beginning, she had told me that she ate lunch alone in the library every day...until she became a member of the Gay Straight alliance. She befriended a young man a year or two older who was trans’ He would borrow some of my clothes. Being a good liberal, I didn't see the harm in it. I think I asked her once casually if she felt the way he did, and she demurred. She did tell me at one point that she figured out what was wrong with her on the internet. She was using her phone relentlessly but so were many teens at the time.
During her senior year Clare complained that none of the kids wanted to do things with her individually. She was celebrated at school but actually lost friends who didn't want to be with her after her trans identification. We went to an awards show and it was obvious she was not at all accepted by the girls in the Speech and Debate Club, who all mentioned other girls as their best friends when they received awards. My mother’s heart ached to see her left out. I was also beginning to get angrier around this time. I remember being at the parent group (all Moms) for speech and debate and accidentally calling her Clare instead of "Corey". A name we carefully picked for her and what I had called her likely thousands of times. The next day, she said the students told her about my error and her teacher talked to her about whether she was safe or not. She was angry and acted ashamed of me.
I also allowed Clare to have a breast reduction. I know it sounds crazy, but she acted like it was life or death. She was 5'4' and had an enormous chest I know she was ashamed of and made it hard for her to move freely. We spent 10k of her college money only to have her later have a double mastectomy...it was insanity. What was I doing? Why was I asleep and how can I be forgiven? I am her mother I did not protect her.
Graham, this tells the story, but it does not tell the sleepless nights, the pain, anguish and sadness. The extreme anger and betrayal we felt from the people we entrusted her care to. I had never felt such pain and helplessness. I had failed her, our only child.
My son didn't admit he was trans to us until he was an adult. He knew we would never approve of meds. But in 2021, he abruptly moved to North Dakota to be with his partner and announced his new name by text. At first, he made a bit of an effort to stay in touch, but then I committed the cardinal sin of using his birth name. I was immediately and angrily threatened with no contact by his partner (and hysterical sobs from my son), but I feel very strongly that affirmation is not loving, and I love him, so I told him straight up that I wouldn't affirm, and that's the last time I spoke to him. February 2023.
Hubby and my younger daughter also don't affirm, but they walk the tightrope and avoid names and pronouns. They talk to him occasionally. The rest of the family is completely affirming. I don't know whether he talks to them much. Of course, this also creates stress in the rest of the family as the affirmation crowd thinks I'm a horrible person for rejecting "my daughter."
My son and partner visited home this past fall. They spent time with everyone except me. It was brutal.
My son at age 29 had been married for 7 years, and dropped the bomb on us in May of 2021. He first sent us an email saying he was non-binary. This later turned into trans. He divorced in July of the same year.
We never saw it coming. His own wife never saw it.
It didn't take long for hateful texts to come. We didn't affirm but still wanted to include him in our lives. The last time I saw him was December of 2021. He called us bigots, transphobes, etc. We didn't know where all this was coming from, but we do now. We pray that he will one day open his eyes and heart to see this really isn't who he is. He is now 33, cut off from all family, living farther and farther away.
It is like a nightmare you never wake up from.
Our daughter was very vocal through her social media platform claiming she was mildly abused/on the verge of self harm/that her parents were TERFs or homophobic. We did not know of the existence of many posts until after she went no contact. We trusted her to do the right thing and tell us if she needed anything but little did we know that we would be blocked from all her platforms until after she left.
My daughter went missing when she was home for the Christmas break. All her friends lied to us that they did not know anything. A day later, she sent an email to us that she was cutting us off for good, claiming that she had been harassed while she was at home. This was a complete lie. We were being parents when she had asked for permission to a trip to NY with friends during COVID, and we told her to tell us who she would stay with and what the living arrangements were. She used this as a weapon to discard us completely. It was very shocking and demeaning to us. I had sent her emails on a daily basis saying how much we love her and accept her identity but there was no response.
It took me 2 years to stop reaching out. I was in a very depressed place as I was very attached to her. It has been almost 4.5 years since cutting us off. A year after she discarded us she has undergone double mastectomy and is on T.
I got married at 18 years old and had a child shortly after. The marriage was not a good one and so it didn’t last long. We divorced and he went back to go live with his mother.
I had my daughter the more of the time, but the time she spent at her grandmother’s house was enough for her to experience problems.
That part of her family has weight issues because they eat out all the time and food choices are incredibly unhealthy. Starting at age eight, she became overweight. She kept gaining weight slowly, but steadily as the years progressed. I took my daughter to see a dietitian and met with her father and grandmother. I begged them to follow the plan. They would not.
My daughter was given unlimited access to media from a young age. They gave her a smart phone when she was ten years old against my wishes. I did everything I could to keep the phone out of my house, but I couldn’t compete with what was already being consumed.
In 6th grade, my daughter started to have body image issues. She started to feel rejected by the boys she liked because of her weight.
Over the next couple of years she became more depressed and anxious. Therapy didn’t seem to help. She began cutting herself.
I began to hear bits and pieces about YouTubers and influencers she discovered while at her grandma’s house.
Then at 15 years old, she suddenly declared she was a polyamorous non-binary lesbian and wanted to go by a different name. Then a few months later, it was just non-binary. Then a few months after that, it was he/him pronouns and desiring surgery and hormones. In therapy she wrote on an assignment about coping skills that, “Those who really love me, know I’m a boy.”
Her father and grandma only ever seemed to care that she liked them at all times, so they heavily affirmed the gender transition. They reinforced how bad I was for being gender critical and limiting screen time and media consumption and forcing her to have a “dumb phone” instead of a smart phone.
Then at 17 years old when she threatened suicide, she was put into an inpatient facility for 8 days and then transferred to day treatment. The treatment programs said they understood I was not “on board” with gender transition, but it was the policy they all had to abide by to be gender affirming.
It all made me look like the crazy one and reinforced to her that her idea that I was a bigot and would never accept her for who she “really was” was true.
When what I saw was a beautiful, happy, talented girl who loved fairies and princesses, refused to wear nothing but dresses, and wrote in her diary about the boys she had a crush on then turn into a depressed, anxious, isolated, teen with low self esteem, who only seemed to become more of these things when she found her “true” gender identity.
Thankfully, in the divorce decree I had final say about all medical decisions and I did not allow puberty blockers, hormone therapy, or surgeries. Thankfully, by the time she was 17 these things were banned for minors in my state anyway, so I didn’t have much of a fight on my hands. On top of that, I was the one providing her medical insurance.
From 15 to 17 she begged me over and over again to give full custody to her dad so she could live with him and her grandmother, but I refused.
After her treatment programs from 17-18 we had a civil relationship, but she distanced herself from me still.
At 18 she moved into her grandmother’s house and went no contact with me.
Oh god these stories are so tragic. My heart goes out to all of you. We must never ever stop calling out this destructive cult at every single opportunity. It's stories like these that make me even more vocal. I hope all your children end up seeing sense and coming back.
Why are authorities allowing loving, supportive families to be broken up in this way. From these stories alone it is obvious that affirmation makes things worse for the kids claiming to be trans. These parents are loving, supportive people with integrity - in short wonderful parents who want to protect their kids from harm and they are being punished for it. Worse still, the authorities are enabling this to happen. I want to take each of these parents and grandparents by the hand and tell them, it's not you, you've done nothing wrong and you do not deserve this.