When your child goes 'no contact'

Trans ideology has estranged a generation from their loving parents

One of the many invisible effects of the trans movement is family estrangement. In Australia, I met one woman who has never met her grandchild, simply because she does not believe that men can be women. Recently, I had dinner with a friend, who invited some gender critical people along, and when I asked if any of them had lost contact with their kids, they all put their hands up.

In The True Believer, Eric Hoffer explores how mass movements often seek to sever individuals from their existing social and familial ties to foster unwavering allegiance to the cause. He suggests that such movements thrive on the "total surrender of a distinct self," urging followers to subsume their personal identities into a collective whole. This process frequently involves the deliberate weakening or severing of familial bonds, as these personal connections can compete with the movement's demand for absolute loyalty/ideological unity.

Previously, I asked to hear from parents whose children have chosen to go "no contact." Since then, I've received a cascade of messages from heartbroken parents, all the same, all different. Today, I’m sharing the first collection of these stories, each one a testament to the silent pain many families endure. More accounts will follow in the coming weeks. Thank you to everyone who bravely shared their stories; your voices matter, and you are not alone.

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The cult snagged our son at age 15. We held on for 15 more years as he alternated living on couches of strangers, then back to us.

With the surreptitious help of his complicit sister, he completed head to toe mutilation 18 months after cutting us off with a voicemail in NOVEMBER 2021. Soon after, the aforementioned sister cut us off from our grandchild.

Our other two children suffered with us during this ordeal. We try to have as much fun as we can and keep each other‘s morale up.

But I am miserable inside and I just want God to beam me up.

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Our daughter left home in the middle of the night. A car was apparently waiting for her and took her out of state. She had just turned 18 so there wasn't anything we could have done anyway but the clandestine nature of her departure reads volumes into why she did it.

She was set up by an online trans influencer. This influencer was from out of state and came to our home town to meet with a number of girls at our child's all girl highschool. After our child left home in the middle of the night, other children told their parents about this visit by the influencer and that they had been encouraged to do the same. Only our child went through with it but several of the other children were persuaded to change their names, pronouns, etc.

After about a year of no contact, our child began communicating with her grandmother. Then she eventually communicated with me and then her mother. We talk regularly now.

She is living with a person, born female, who goes by a male name and calls herself a man. Other than that they both are calling themselves men, they appear to be an ordinary lesbian couple. Neither one of them appears to be taking cross sex hormones or having surgery. They both look female but dress in men's clothing, mostly. Lately they have both been sharing photos of themselves in womens clothing.

My child graduated from a very rigorous college prep highschool. She was the only one in her graduating class, in any graduating class of this school for as far back as records are kept, that did not go to college. Most if nota ll of her classmates went on to prestigious four year universities. She is now, two+ years later, struggling to attend a community college near where she now lives, thousands of miles away from us.

We would have supported her and sent her to college if she hadn't left home and cut off communication. That was the plan, for her to go to college after highschool. We had no warning that she was trans or gender confused. She left us a note saying she believed we would not be supportive and to not try to contact her. We did track her down and she then threatened a protective order.

She is correct in that we don't agree that she was born in the wrong body. Still, we would never have stopped giving her a home and food and a path to college, no matter what. She could change her name and pronouns. I would even call her a different name if she insisted but she never gave me the chance.

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Just thinking about our son, who has decided for the second time since 2023 to go "no contact" with us, causes me to tear up. We are the invisible parents that have been abused by those that pushed and continue to push this evil ideology. They caused this mental illness in those that were fine.

Our son Alex, now age 25, declared that he was "transgender" on Saturday October 15, 2022 via Facetime as he was residing in (location withheld on request) with his college girlfriend and we had recently retired to Carolina. Leading up to this Facetime call, he said that he had something "very important" to tell us. Total shock was our reaction. I started crying and was so stunned that I couldn't continue the call.

Our world was turned upside down and hasn't been the same since. The last time that I hugged my son (with makeup) was December 2022. He didn't like that I would not affirm him as a woman as I expressed my concern for his physical and mental wellness. At that visit, I had done research and was prepared to discuss transgenderism; told him to follow the money of the medical industrial complex that was ready to do irreparable harm to him. In the 1980s and 90s, I was in medical equipment sales; spent time at Johns Hopkins University and was aware of Dr. John Money and his sex clinic.

Our son was born to me at age 43 and I thanked God for this blessing. From a previous marriage, I already had a 15 year old son when he was born.

He was a true joy and I felt so fortunate to call him my son. He was a very sociable child, excelled in school not because we pushed him rather it was his determination.

My husband spent a lot of time with him as they would go road cycling together and take outdoor trips when I was busy with my real estate career.

Fast forward to college - he got into the University of Maryland, College Park and earned a B.S. in Computer Science and a B.A. in Philosophy in May 2021. It was during his last year that we noticed his hair getting longer; he became vegan, influenced by his girlfriend. The COVID lockdowns in Maryland were horrible, most of his classes were remote even in 2020 and 2021.

In May 2020, he told us that we had white privilege and such. We tried to have discussions with him about various current topics; that is when I realised our son had been indoctrinated. After graduating, Alex told us that he was moving to (withheld) with his girlfriend (her mother and stepfather resided there). Epicenter of craziness which I didn't know at the time.

Today - we have not spoken with Alex since his birthday on September 9, 2024. The last text message from him was "I am not ready to speak to you again".

He went no contact with us starting in March to September 2023 and only started speaking with us again at the behest of my sister.

Currently, we do not know his location, although we believe he is in Massachusetts or Vermont. He quit a position at Brown University in Spring 2024; broke up with his girlfriend. The last we knew, he was working on a farm in Western Massachusetts, doing freelance IT work which we supported, hoping that might help with his overall mental health.

We are heartbroken and devastated. I have turned to God, prayer and focusing on my well-being and that of my husband. We have the support of some family members and very close friends who understand that sick activists masquerading as healthcare policy makers and providers pushed this radical ideology. Unfortunately, no one knows what to do for us except pray.

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We are one of the seemingly legions of parents whose kid is estranged. Our son decided he was trans in college, came out to us after, and estranged himself a couple of years later. He is medicalized (hormones, but we don't think surgery). In total he has been in transworld for about a decade. He has occasionally dropped in for a visit--like once every 2-3 years. A new twist is that we learned recently that his life kind of fell apart over the past 1.5 years--he has been suffering from enough mental distress (severe depression) that he had to quit working for an extended period. We were of course, very worried, and redoubled efforts to contact him (we had never stopped); a miracle occurred and he responded to us. I've heard similar stories from other parents--when a kid hits rock bottom, they become more open to reestablishing contact with parents. We don't know how long it will last, but for now, we're grateful to have it.

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this is pretty much exactly what happened to my family.

my son told us he was a girl in 2018.

totally out of the blue. no previous gender non conformity. he was 18, so on one hand i guess we should count ourselves lucky because there was no chance of him blocking his puberty. but on the other hand he was legally an adult so we had no say in how he went from there.

he told us the day before i had a work trip booked to china for 2 weeks, so my wife was left alone to deal with this bombshell. she didnt cope well. she went online and scratched the surface of the trans movement and knew immediately that our son was not a transexual. she had a friend from university that was one of the first people to go through the tavistock. as naive 19 and 20 yo progressives we cheered him on like all the allies do today. my point is that we had first hand experience of transexuals and our son was not from this mould.

while i was away at work my son and wife had various confrontations which ended up with my son saying he had made a mistake and was not trans after all. we learnt later this was just a cover up to avoid any further confrontations. a month later he went to live on his uni campus and began to develop his trans identity.

a year or so later, on a school break when back at home, he did the big reveal. by this time we had done a ton more research and his speech was entirely predictable. it ticked every reddit coached parent reveal box we had ever read about.

he made up the 2 instances of historical rewriting to prove he had always been this way. along with the 'are you going to respect my existence'. if it hadn't been so serious i would have laughed through each point ticking a bingo card.

we made points like, 'its not that simple' lets talk it through more, humans cant change sex etc ect.

he stormed out, refused to speak and went back to campus the next day.

this went on for the next few years with zero talk of gender.

he finished his degree and got an apt with his 'girlfriend' who is a man who also thinks he is a woman. they call themselves lesbians.

then a few months later (new year this year) comes the final ultimatum. he declares that he no longer is reliant on us in any way so either we call him a woman, accept we have a daughter or we will never be allowed in to his life again.

i offer to try to pretend that he is a woman that provokes only more rage. then the final cut off.

we havent spoken to him since.

in all our emails and texts to him we have said that we fully accept he thinks he is a woman and we dont have a problem with this. we have repeatedly said we love him and he is welcome in our lives.

i know we are not alone.

i know this is outside influence.

we have come to the conclusion he has to make his own mistakes.

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Our 41 year old married son, who has our only grandchild, decided the answer to his mental and emotional distress was he was the wrong gender. This was just two years ago and after Covid. He cut me off because I asked him to go to a very well known clinic and be checked before transitioning. He cut his Dad off last September. They live 12 hrs drive away in another state. We have tried everything to mediate a relationship. We desperately want to see our granddaughter. We had a relationship with her until she was 5 and a half. At mediation his wife told us she has removed our pictures and the last presents we sent gave them to our granddaughter but didn't tell her who they were from. She is as sick as our son. We are very worried about the well-being of our granddaughter as she has no contact with our family and very little with the other. We have a visitation court date with a judge in May. The Mediator referred us. She saw how really messed up they both are. Daughter in law admitted I had always been kind and considerate of her.

I have worked over two decades in mental health and this is beyond my expertise.

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Just wanted to share our story in brief as I'm sure you will receive many more similar stories.

Our son came out as a girl more than 4 years ago (over Sunday dinner).

⁠He was in year 10 at the time

Now 20 years old

⁠Moved out of home a bit over 20 months ago

He is supported by a local trans organisation Twenty10 and have moved into accommodation sponsored by them

Although not diagnosed, he shows the typical signs of being on the spectrum. He has however recently been diagnosed with:

Cluster B personality traits

Major depressive disorder

Global developmental delay

Complex PTSD

Has always struggled with general planning in life (executive functioning).

He has started taking estrogen. Was not on puberty blockers. No surgery.

We have another daughter (18) who has lived a happy, normal life. Just graduated from high school and started university. They used to be very close, but have now lost touch, which has made our younger daughter very sad and angry at the loss. Her final high school year ‘special interest’ work was a paper on the ‘rapid rise of transgender youth’. She used to be VERY woke and a social justice warrior, but this experience has really turned that on its head, and she is now very anti-woke .

Our son is about to lose his accommodation with the trans organisation (there is a limit of 18 months duration). We have offered for him to move back and live with us until they are ready to move on, but he has said he would rather try and find his own. When we asked, if this means that he sometimes could be living on the street, his response was "Yes, that is my preference".

The apartment block where he lives that is sponsored by the trans organisation, is full of young people that seemingly all need much hel[p and care in moving forward in life. Similar to our child, they seem "lost in life" and not really able to move on.

Our son almost exclusively associates with trans people. Every single friend pre-trans has been blocked or ghosted.

We can sometimes talk to our son over the phone. Even up to 2 hours, where we can try and have rational conversations with him. However, he always brings it back to ideological arguments, and a disdain towards us for not blindly supporting a trans-person's choice to transition.

We can tell that the ideology is getting deeper and deeper for him. For example, when he first came out as gender dysphoria, he was keen to get a medical diagnosis. However, 3 different psychologists/psychiatrists/psycho-therapists did not give him a diagnosis of gender dysphoria. It was mainly around anxiety and depression. He has now moved onto that being trans is more "of a feeling", thereby enabling him to dismiss medical reports and research like the 2024 Cass Review.

We live in Australia.

Overall - looking at the picture in totality and examining the behaviours of our son, there is no doubt that this feels like he has been "recruited" into a cult. The experiences we have had, and the behaviours that our son is showing, have all the hallmarks of traditional cult characteristics.

From a parent's perspective, these are some of the painful points of the journey:

Your child's announcement of wanting to be the other sex without any prior signs whatsoever

Your child's name now being prohibited to use in ANY conversations without being a transphobe/bigot etc. This is the name of a person that has existed (in our case) for more than 15 years and should not be ignored. Imagine, if we couldn't use the maiden name of a woman who is now married? She still had a life before marriage and that should be acknowledged.

Moving out without your involvement. Simply getting into a car with a couple of small bags packed. GONE.

No contact - contact is completely controlled by them.

Very hard, if not almost impossible, to talk about the issue.

The feeling of dancing on eggshells around them when we finally talk to them, as you do not want to upset them and create further rifts in the relationship

A lot of emotional harm. They know we love them without limits, and would do anything for them. They use this as their emotional weapon against us to get what they want. Very little if any sympathy towards how we feel and the loss we are going through.

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I did not know my son was considering becoming trans. We used to be close, but I had some concerns that I addressed to his twin sister who told me she thought he was confident in his gender identity. Even his twin did not recognize the warning signs. He was always very masculine growing up, but he had an artistic side. Even in the military he wore loose creative clothes during his off hours. I enjoyed his unique blend of athleticism, scientific curiosity, computer genius, and artistic sensitivity. He was tall with a deep voice.

When his slender daydreaming cousin transitioned, I honored his new feminine name. However, I asked my son to protect him from the dangers of surgery. I showed him videos from people who regretted the change. He knew I did not think transitioning was a good idea even if I tried to treat trans people with respect.

When my son decided to transition at age 29, he cut me off because he said I had caused him too much pain growing up. I was really hurt. I didn’t understand.

He never actually told me he was transitioning, but I heard from relatives. Now he has changed his name and phone number. He hides his address from relatives so I won’t find out. I would never stalk him, so it is weird.

My trans nephew has done the same thing to his mother. However, she celebrated his transition. She loved calling him her daughter , and she is fiercely protective of his trans identity. At first things were fine, but then he moved away and erased his connection to her. It didn’t matter that she accepted his transition.

This has made me consider this movement a cult. They teach people to erase their past so the queer community becomes their new family.

I am repulsed by women who think that lying would be the loving thing to do. First Corinthians 13:6 says"Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth."

I will never lie to my son about who God made him to be. I rejoice that he is such a complex amazing man, and he should never have to be a stereotype or believe a lie. I pray every day that he will call me. I pray also for other families who are being told to lie in order to love. We must stand for truth, and then our children will have a home they can trust when they are ready to return.

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Our daughter went to uni in September 2019 and we haven't seen her since.

She has been helped along the way by friends and their mothers as well as the university. Not one person wanted to help us try to build some sort of bridge. No-one at the uni cared that during a pandemic, we might be worried for her or that maybe she might regret not being in touch with family in case someone dies.

She said we were abusive and apparently our house was 'unsafe' - no-one questioned her narrative. No-one from the University or student finance asked us if we had abandoned her, just took her word for it that we are unsafe! It's been hell on earth.

In the last few years she has sporadic text based contact with her younger sister (she's on testosterone I believe and I guess not wanting to show off her new voice?) but any steps for us parents to have contact with her, over things like 'what should we do with the vast amount of belongings/collections you left behind?' are met with silence.

I work in the captured NHS as a Psychotherapist and that has come with it's own set of stressors too. I've been questioned over my not wanting to receive LGBT champion emails. I've been questioned over whether I am homophobic because I am refusing to see trans clients. It sounds dramatic but the trans & progress flag does bring out a visceral reaction in me...a bit like PTSD.

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I have not seen my son in 12 years. I don't know if I can call my experience "no contact" my son has instituted extremely limited contact. I would never reject my child. I can message my son every couple of months to ask how he is and he will respond. I can send gifts for his birthday and holidays. Our conversation has to remain superficial, I'm not welcome to come and see him. My son is a full on activist who thinks he's a woman. He dresses like I do, same style, hair is the same, and that's not even the weirdest. He started a relationship with a woman who had a son she calls trans, he was 4 at the time, and would now be 12 or 13 now. I don't know what they're doing to that child. A few years ago, the mother decided she's a man so she got her breasts removed and bought new glasses. Then of course she asked my son to marry all traditional like. I was not told when or where the wedding was.

I'm heartbroken, live with so much self blame, I feel like I failed as a mother. It's humiliating, I'm embarrassed by my own flesh and blood. It's isolating and talking to parents of teens at this point it's not the same. There's nothing I can do to keep him safe. I feel rage and want to burn the whole TQ movement to the ground. I'm angry with him for demanding I give up truth and my values as if they are meaningless. I sometimes want to walk away but I can't. I love him. After a decade of testosterone suppression and estrogen his endocrine system is unlikely to recover, He consistently posts about his depression but can't seem to locate that it started when he started this medication.

I can't say my son's name, the name I gave him, that I loved for him, without family disapproval.Even being able to just talk about my son becomes an exhausting defensive trial, such that I feel shut down about my own grief. I refuse to say I have a daughter, I don't and I'm seen as a disappointment and deserve to lose my child from some of my family members. It's maddening. I grieve my son, I want him back and I may never have that. Hope is cruel sometimes.

The only solace I have is that I will fight this insanity, I will fight this evil and it's hideous cruel people to my dying day if I have to. Fund lawsuits, write letters, talk with others, etc.. There is some small hope now after so many years but for myself, it's little salve. I hope we can save other children and their families.

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Hello, I'd like to share my story of no contact with my son. I'll try to keep it as brief as I can. Our son has always been a little different. I would describe him growing up as a little "nerdy", loved video games, not very social. He had a few friends, but not many. He was always a good kid, never gave us any trouble, made good grades. After high school he went to college to be an engineer, which we thought was the perfect career path for him. My husband is also an engineer. He met a girl online when he was about 21 and they hit it off right away and started dating. We didn't like her much, but didn't voice that to him and always welcomed her and tried to like her. He graduated in 2020 and my husband helped him get a job at the local AFB with a good paying job, although prob a bit boring. The job was supposed to entail a bit of traveling, but covid happened and he ended up working from home. He started working, found an apartment and moved in with his girlfriend. Things seemed really good at first. They would come over to eat with the family on Sundays and he was talkative and seemed happy, something he really didn't seem like when he lived at home. His gf told me that he felt like a loser still living at home at the age of 25, so that's why he was unhappy at home and that he loved us very much. He gradually started to pull away from us, not coming over to eat saying one or both of them were sick. The first sign of trouble was Thanksgiving of 2021. He showed up for the family dinner and he had shaved his beard. He grew the beard after high school and had always loved it. I thought it odd, but when I asked him he said he had some kind of rash on his face and shaved the beard to help with that. But also his clothes were odd. He had bright neon sneakers and wore a strange looking purple shirt. His gf always had strange colored hair and they were into comicon type things, video gaming and had odd friends, so the strange clothes were not too surprising. Over the next 10 months he really started to pull away and his gf started posting things about "trans" people on fb a lot. So much that my sister asked if the gf was trans. I said I don't think so but you never know with her. Still not a clue about him though. The last time they came over to eat, was in Sept. of 2022, which was the last time I have seen him. He had started to grow his hair out and I was the one who always gave him a haircut, so I offered to cut it for him. He said no, he liked it longer. I said I really like you better with shorter hair and he said, well it's a good thing it's my hair and not yours. It wasn't like him to say things like that. I invited him several times after that over for lunch and he would always make an excuse why they couldn't come. After a few weeks I started to worry. Finally one day I texted him that I would like to meet him for lunch to talk. After a long time he finally replied, telling me that he was "transgender". We texted back and forth with me trying to talk him out of this and him explaining why, using language that I had never heard him use before. It was almost like someone had written down the things he should say when he "came out". He knew that we wouldn't accept it, but he did try, saying he would never give up on me. After many emails back and forth of me not accepting and trying to talk him out of it, we agreed to just communicate and not talk about the situation. My husband offered to get him some help but he was offended at that. He did not come over for any holidays and we would send gifts to him for birthdays, etc. But finally he sent me a really long email about how he didn't want me in his life if my love was "conditional" and that I was just his "birth mother" and he no longer wanted us in his life. I gave him a break for a year, although we did send texts on birthdays and holidays to which he never replied. The last contact I had was just a week ago. I tried to send him yet another email to tell him I loved him and see how he was doing. He replied to leave him alone and forget him and that I was like a thorn in his foot that he couldn't get out no matter how hard he tried. This really hurt me to the point that I cannot try and contact him again. I pray for him every day and I will never stop and although I will leave him alone, I will certainly never, ever, forget him. I hope this somehow helps someone else.

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Our daughter cut off after we had paid her final semester of college (Centre College in Danville, KY). This was after exploring her sexuality after a girlfriend decided she should have her first lesbian experience with her.

I am an ordained minister, continuing education training in Bowen Family Systems theory for 8 years. I shared some of this with my daughter as we tried to talk.

The cut off done was with help from people at college. Her dad and I had made reservations to stay and attend her graduation and were informed that we were “uninvited” and if we came to campus, we would be arrested. This was official. I talked to the college president. Her dad and I were so confused since he had been a college professor for over 30 years and had never heard of this ever happening.

She cut off from high school friends, from family (most). I was completely blocked from any email or social media.

Several years after her dad’s death, my new husband sent an email to an address that appeared to be working and was able to convey a $5000 gift from her dad’s estate to her at Black Lives Matter in Chicago IL.

She did sign the check for deposit and her new name Dixon Irene. Then, a year or so later, I wrote several messages saying I wanted to renew our relationship and asking what I needed to do. I was told to find a trans-affirming counselor and start therapy. I did so and after 4 sessions was told that we would need to engage with Dixon since the relationship to be renewed required both of us. I was open and attempting to use “they/them” and indicated the future of the relationship was important enough for me to listen and try to understand.

I conveyed that to the email address and nothing . Over the past several years I would write, never receiving a reply. I would relate something about a dream, or a recent experience, or a memory that came to mind, a longing to reconnect, to hear from the child who is now an adult about their life. One day, I sent a copy of something from a young person who had transitioned while still a child, discovered that the hormone therapy combined with removing breast and ovaries had not resulted in the promised change to manhood, but had resulted in fragile and easily fractured and brittle broken bones. And never an orgasm. I asked for thoughts. The email link was blocked.

On LinkedIn the photo of a heavyset person who is a counselor for trans and those needing to explore is listed on a profile as Dixon. It is invisible when I search, but a family member found it and sent me a copy of it.

She is now 34 years old. When her Dad died, she refused to come to the memorial service.

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Our son declared in Dec of 2022 at the age of 27 he was transgender. We were devastated as he had shown no inclination in all the years past. We supported him in his pursuit to become an animator and in 2018 he graduated. As a child, he was smart, had a great sense of humour and worked hard. He started karate at 3 years old and progressed to black belt by the age of 10. He continued practicing karate until freshman year of college.

While in college he met a girl and they planned to get married. He was going to give her my mothers wedding ring but she broke up with him one day before his birthday. He was planning to move over 1,000 miles from home to be with her.

From 2011 until his declaration he experienced many significant challenges. He moved 300 miles from home to start a job in his chosen field. Then Covid shut everything down the next month. By June of 2020 he had a girl move in we hadn't met. As we got to know her we realized she had many issues of her own and liked to manipulate people. Looking back she began to isolate our son from us.

When he declared he really was a women we told him how much we loved him. We also tried to discuss things and he knew our belief was no- one could actually change sex. In the beginning he was willing to communicate and we visited a couple times. However he was hardly out of her sight. Each time we saw them together he followed her around like a puppy.

I sensed we were walking a tightrope when articles I sent regarding the ill effects of estrogen on men met with the declaration that didn't apply to him since he is not a man. He also said all the studies were flawed, Genspect was a hate organization and I shouldn't listen to "transphobes" . Early on he said how JK Rowling was an enemy. He loved her books as a child and saw all the movies. We would even listen to her books on tape in the car.

We would not say his chosen name or use preferred pronouns; but we didn't use his given name either and avoided pronouns in his presence. I did write the chosen name on some correspondence.One time I "misgendered" him in person in front of the girlfriend. That apparently was a fatal flaw. After Trump was elected all contact ceased. We have no idea if he is alive or dead.

We cannot agree he is now a woman and never will but wish he would say I know I can never change sex but I am happier living as a woman. I don't think he is truly happy and is being manipulated. I believe pornograpgy is a MAJOR factor in their relationship. Her family has welcomed him with open arms and disparages our family.

Sorry this is so long and probably not what you were really asking for. I have been deeply down the rabbit hole trying to seek answers for our fractured family and hearts. It is all so difficult.

Sincerely,

A grief-stricken parent